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All nominations are welcome in this thread. Has your child said something funny? Did something really random happen in a shop? Did you laugh at the wrong moment?
I have a lot of these, as some of you know.
This week I went to the cinema. The car park was full and there was a rather "mature" driver blocking everyone in. My friend, who was driving, said some very rude words to this driver through the window as we managed to get past/ We used another car park and walked back to the cinema and to our pre-booked, numbered seats. Yes, you have guessed it, the lady was sitting next to us!!! 
We were driving, the weather Was cold and very windy
daughter " look how fast those clouds are moving... I thought today had gone really quick" and she ment it !
i also had my three year old step daughter on a bus and we went past a grave yard she asked me what it was I said it where you go when thou get very old and die a lady sat down on the seat next to us and my step daughter turned and said to the lady "your old why arnt you dead"
<blush> did not know where to look
I was stood at a bus stop once when my two were around three and four and there was this elderly chap with a large growth on his nose, my son asked innocently, but loudly 'daddy what's wrong with that man's nose?'
Funny on reflection. : )
When I was first on my own and my son was just two and my daughter about six months and in a pram, my son would swear very badly from listening to his mum shout at me. I was in a small newsagent and two little old ladies lend over him and were saying how cute he was, he looked up at them and said F*** off d*** head, very clearly.
I laugh about it now but at the time it was very embarassing, but I explined the situation and luckily the little old ladies were understanding : )
I asked my daughter, she's nine, to describe me in as few words as she could over the weekend and she thought for a few seconds and said... 'Happy fat man'
: )
Awwww the daughters love of her daddy is always endearing!
I am not sure if I have told this story before, but when my daughter was about 18 months, we were on the bus and my daughter decided that the young man at the front was her dad, she kept calling "Daaaadddeeeee" at him. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't Daddy and his hair was completely different, (and quite loudly mentioning that she sees her dad at the weekend) but she wouldn't have any of it. Sadly the poor chap didn't play any games and wave back. He just sat staring away from us looking embarrassed!
Oh I love all these stories, and how children just say what they think all the time...imagine if we did that as grown-ups, life would be more straightforward in some respects.
When the boys were about seven and two, we attended a Harvest Festival function at the school and won one of the hampers. The eldest went up to get it but it was a long, thin box so he called me to help. I was absent from my youngest for all of 20 seconds and returned to find him entertaining a semi-circle of people by doing a moonie.
: )
I was at the beach once talking to this chap who was digging for bait, my daughter was tugging on my sleeve, she was about four maybe five and she wanted to go to the toilet, I just said yeah ok, meaning go off into the rocks and fine some nice secluded place where no one will see you, instead she just sort of half squatted right there infront of us and went for a man wee.
: )
Awww toilet things often seem to be the trigger. I was in a B+Q or similar when the youngest was about 2 and he suddenly disappeared and I found him with his pants round his ankles, about to do a wee into a display toilet
Talking toilet, my bathroom floor used to be painted black. My friends son and my daughter were being particularly quiet one afternoon (they were about 3) and went to investigate. They had been in the bathroom drawers.............they had stuck ALL of my sanitary towels to the floor! My friends son was standing on one on tip toes and my daughter was telling him where to stand next! Its surprising how sticky those things are. My floor had to be repainted!
Oh Anna, that is funny now but I bet it was the least funny thing in the universe at the time!
It was one of those moments when you want to laugh at the absurdity of it, but show them that it was not ok, the real moment of frustration was seeing the big white patches where the black paint had come off as we removed them.
Another time my daughter and her cousin had locked themselves in the bathroom, my brother had to smash the glass in the door, as they weren't answering when we told them to open it. When we got in, their faces were a picture, completely caught out.....they had opened my sister in law 200 duty free cigarettes and broken up every single one because 'smoking is bad for you'!!
ohhh I thought you were going to say they had smoked them all!!
Just popping on to share this with you...
Took a friend to the hopsital this morning for a check up and had to walk through a large waiting area for Outpatients. Saw an elderly lady who was very stooped over, desperately struggle up out of her seat, she twitched at her coat and I thought "Aww poor lady is trying to take her coat off and it's hard for her to reach" I stepped towards her, put my hand out and opened my mouth to ask if I could help.
I was glad the words had not quite managed to come out when...she reached round and gave her bottom an almighty scratch. HAHA 
Ha ha! I have a great image of that. Never let it deter you from helping though Louise! She might have needed help with the bottom scratching!!
A couple months ago, when my daughter was about 16 months old, we had gone to the sports and leisure centre and went to the gym Toddler World play session there, and it was near the end and decided to leave, so went to put our shoes back on. She had not long learnt how to say sit, but she couldn't pronounce the sss properly, she used to say shhh instead, and because she knows to sit down to put her shoes on, she repeatedly says "sit", and there were a couple of other parents and a grandparent stood right next to us, I had to quickly explain- no she's not swearing, she's saying "sit!"
So embarressing!
Ha ha CleverMummy2012, thats a brilliant story, one for your daughter's Album of memories I think, then you can bring out on her 21st birthday and embarrass her in front of her friends! 
...or when she has a boyfriend round for tea, CleverMummy2012!!
CleverMummy2012!
When I first on my own my son, who was about one and a half at the time, used to say, quite a lot... 'f*** off d*** head' as that is what my wife used to say, a lot, so much so that my son picked it up, but anyway.
We were in a shop, he was in his pram and two little old ladies came over to oggle at him and say how cute he was like little old ladies do and he of course said it.
I had to explaine and they saw the funny side of it as best I recall.
I can laugh about it now, at the time I was like, Noooooooo!
: )
How funny, Bubblegum, reminds me of when my youngest picked up some awful language from his not-so-charming dad and went round telling everyone to "Pi** off" My Mum suggested I should pretend to mishear him so I kept replying "No darling, it's not PIZZA for tea today" about 300 times a day till he got fed up.
LMAO!!!!! Oh Bubblegum! That's hilarious haha bless him xD at least the little old ladies understood! I'd have been mortified! Lol
Kids are so funny :'-) I'm now waiting for my daughter to start saying more swearwords, as my silly dad forgets himself when we're round..... xD we just staye dover their house last night; I lost count of the times I had to tell him off xD hehehe
Hope you had a nice time with your parents, CleverMummy
So my son went to a pub quiz this week. Within a very short time, my phone rang.
Son: Mum, mum, what do you call those men who wear hats and go on horses?
Me (wildly thinking jockeys? cowboys?): Whaaaat?
Son: They're religious and live in like the 1940s
Me: Ah, do you mean the Amish?
Son (shouting to someone in the background) Yeh it's the Amish! no, it's Amish, yeah you're right, shut up, it is
Me: They live in their own community and don't use electricity or cars
Son: yeah that's what I meant
Me: Ok then?
Son: What's Mormons, then?
Me: Bye.
Thought that would be right up your street, sparkling 
Conversation the other day...
Son: Daddy, how do you spell sugar
Me: S. U. G. E. R.
Daughter: Everyone else spells it, s. u. g. A. r.
: )