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Absolutely up to things.
Knew he would be.
Can't understand why he feels the need to keep doing things.
Ah well.
A life sentence, I guess.
Hi Sparkling, just seen this post. What has/is he doing? Is it to do with Christmas, and seeing the children? Hope you're okay. xx
Does it help at all to know that a 'git' is a pregnant camel?
Big hugs to you! xxx
Hahaha! He's an insult to a pregnant camel then 
He's scheming, that's all, but I knew he was.
I just get too relaxed really and shouldn't let myself drop my guard.
I also find it difficult when it becomes Dad this, Dad that, Dad's wonderful, basically. And I have to be saying how lovely and that will be nice all the time.
While I have to point out that he cannot do anything right in my eyes now, I do actually believe he's up to stuff. Her too, of course. Children thrilled, and as always what I fund is insignificant.
How long until March?? More than happy to cancel Christmas and have cornflakes for dinner.
I'm just being a cow. I know I am.
xx
Anna, I feel it is a life sentence though. I doubt there'll be graduations to deal with but there could well be weddings. On those days he will be the doting parent and I will be the absent parent who'd have paid for it.
I will never be able to be in the same room as them again. It will be me who misses out as no one else would even notice as he would make sure they didn't.
God I hope I win the lottery. I need a get out clause.
Yes, sparkling, it can feel like a life sentence with all the events, plus your childrens' dad seems to make "guest appearances" in their lives and it must be so infuriating for you when he does and they seem to be impressed. I have been through some of what you are experiencing and I am not saying this is "the answer", but what I TRY to hang on to is "I love my sons more than I hate X", if that makes sense.
My youngest has not had much contact with his dad in recent years and yet on his birthday, last week, he went to visit him and took him a gift, and all without consulting me, and came back full of Dad this and Dad that. I really was a bit upset and shocked but then had a further think and decided that it meant son is a thoughtful and decent young man, and felt proud. You can also feel proud of your lovely four, and let's face it that is down to one person only : YOU!!
This is a shocking thing to say but I am going to say it anyway: I do believe that things will change with your situation when his dad passes away. Enough said, and I acknowledge you all love grandad dearly.....am just saying that I think things will drift more in times to come,
I know you do this thing every winter where you want to whizz to March. I understand why, but that's a big chunk of year to wish away. As the children get older, time can seem to speed up anyway and for me it was suddenly "hang on, they are young men, when did that happen?" So do try to enjoy the day to day time with them and be assured that Mum will always be number one with them 
I agree with the change. And its not horrid. I know that I will stand up to The Git more then, if needed.
I know I sulk - hard to admit when usually one is so perfect 
Yet I don't hate him.
The bit that gets me more than anything is that he's deprived my daughter of having the chance to be a Daddy's girl.
Had he ended up with a "friend" of mine (and this is something that MiL brings up as often as I do), she would have made sure that those children knew they were the priority with both parents. And I know I would have been ok with that. The Git and I ended long before the split, to be fair. It is my anger towards his behaviour towards the children that makes me want to shake him to make him see how much anger he made them feel (I wouldn't shake him though as it would involve looking at him and touching... well not without a pair of Marigolds. 
)
I'm ok today as son has gone off to work and not a word about The Git was mentioned. No card either
I know what you mean about wishing their lives away too - something MiL talk about as I feel guilty (we do get on well...), yet I feel my behaviour doesn't benefit the children either. I try to be "normal" and I like to think I am, yet I know I must behave differently. The rest of the year I can relax.
I'm moidering again! Sorry. I do it so well.
Thank you.
The need to vent on here though is great. xx
I'm in favour of hibernating, too, although for different reasons (just don't like the cold...)
Here's one for a laugh: My ex recently told my oldest on FB how good a job I had done and how proud he was of me (!) blah blah blaha. I couldn't believe it! What right has he to have an opinion on anything?!!! I almost wrote a very nasty letter (I don't tend to stick stuff on FB), but then I thought no, I'm better than that, and I won't give him the power to make me feel angry, and I left it.
The point is: You will be at your children's weddings because a) they will want you there and b) you don't want to give him the power to make you miss out on something so important. Just make sure you don't sit anywhere near him...
More big hugs xxx
thinking of you sparking sending you a big hug x
Thank you.
I know if ever I was in the same room I'd spoil if for the children. He would enjoy knowing I was there and do what ever...
Anyhow. None are dating YET (I've told them they're not allowed until they're 32).
Hi Sparkling. Just catching up. Firstly Happy Birthday to your eldest. I know he's working, but hope he has had a good day. No card? Hardly surprising is it? He's a Dad when he wants to be, and that's that. Shame on him for not sending something for your son though. I agree with Louise, and it's awful to say, but I also feel that once he has no ties, such as his Dad, he won't be around much at all, in fact I think he will drift further, if that's possible. Don't let him get to you, although it's so easy for us to say that isn't it, especially as he is such a Git, and you're the one that is having to deal with it. Your children love you very much, they might feel they have a duty to love him or whatever, but once they have children of their own, they might feel entirely different. Sending you lots of hugs. xxx
I would be very happy if he did drift off somewhere.
Texas would be excellent.
I would go to Texas right now if i could, brrr brrr need to be warm
Louise said: I have been through some of what
you are experiencing and I am not saying this is "the answer", but
what I TRY to hang on to is "I love my sons more than I hate X", if
that makes sense.
This is great food for thought Louise, thanks.
Has your son mentioned that there was no card from his dad on his birthday sparklinglime?
No, he hasn't. They haven't had a birthday card for year.
He's here admiring the cd player with idock that his dad has sent him.
And here I am telling him that come the new year I'll not be able to keep his car on the road.
The Git may only see them once or twice a year, but the effect is astounding.
Good dad
bad Mum effect each time.
I know Louise is right. And Sunday was a lovely day, and eldest so lovely in the words and the hugs he gave me.
But it is a life sentence. Unless I move away, which is in my grand plan.
I'm wondering if the 'pig' will send C a Christmas card. Never has done before, but with what went on for birthday, I'm just waiting. I still think the birthday card was a way to get back in with C, as his contract was coming to an end etc. Men, you can read em like a book!!! Apart from the wonderful Dads on here of course 
Ok ladies I am going to give you my own gut instinct about your children's dads' behaviour.....sparkling I think yours acts out of sporadic guilt and hazeleyes I think he does things not to "get in" with C, but to get at YOU. That's just my feeling and I may be wide of the mark.
Life sentence, no!!! Only while they all live at home and things will change, as I said. So many things in life are about holding our nerve, and this is a case in point.
I agree with the sporadic guilt thing.
Still looking forward to March though
I also agree with you Louise. I noticed yesterday on C's half sister's sisters facebook, that the 'pig' has put the place where he works abroad as his middle name!!!! If that isn't a fruitcake, I don't know what is. I would imagine that is his way of getting through to me, that he is still abroad, and not returned at this point. Jerk!
......slightly off topic but had to tell you this. When my boys were little I used to call them different middle names as to what activity they were doing. Let's pretend my son's name is Peter Smith. If he did something a bit naughty I would say something like "Peter spilling your drink Smith" (that was a way of telling them off that made them laugh and meant I wasn't always nagging) or if they were doing something fun I would say "Peter seesaw Smith!" They loved it!
Hahaha!!
H - at least you know he's still there
Hi sparklinglime, what's going on? What has he done?
I know that it might feel like a life sentence, however keep reminding yourself this is just for the now.
How are you, I hope you and the children are OK?