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Hi everyone,i am going through a hard time with my son,its been going on for quite a while now,hes 12 and will be 13 in january so i know it could be his age,hormones ect,he is very stroppy,cheeky, and disrespectful,even when i ground him he goes on and on and on like he wants to get a rise out of me and i end up shouting and losing my temper which i dont want to do,the biggest problem i have with him is that he keeps on hurting me,and jumping on me,he jumped on my stomach yesterday and winded me,which really hurt,i started to cry and he did apologise which resulted on him being grounded 2day and i have lost my temper again today as he just will not leave me alone!,i know hes only messing around and ive sat down and tried to explain to him that it it out of order he shouldnt be doing it and it hurts me,he says ok but then a couple of minutes later he will be doing it again,does anyone have any advice for me or been through a similar situation?it would be much appreciated as its getting me down now as it happens on an almost daily basis,and also any advice on how i can keep my cool sometimes i manage to keep my cool for most of the day then he will push me too far and i end up losing my temper.
Hi elle. Sorry you're going through a rough patch with R. Not quite sure what to say that Louise hasn't already. Take care. xx
Loads of hugs. And good luck... Staying calm can be challenging, but honestly along with persistance it can work wonders...
Thank you for your reply and advice louise,i sat down with R (my son) and we did the list that you suggested and hes agreed to help me do a few more things get the washing in,dust and help me with dinner when hes at home lol,he did help me with dinner that day and he enjoyed it,i also explained 2 him that it is not exceptable and everytime he is aggresive towards me he is grounded.
He was fine yesterday untill bedtime when he started messing and kicking me altho it wasnt hard so i put my foot down and grounded him 2day,i know things wont change straight the way but i m going 2 be firm and im sure itl start to improve thanx again louise
Thanx hazel eyes im gonna stay strong be firm and then i think we will get somewhere which i have been doing for the last couple of days.
hi sparkling lime thank u for the hugs lol,what do they say patience is a virtue!! i am trying and managed 2 stay calm last nite when he started messing it was hard but i did it and will try my best 2 carry it on .
Well done elle81
You are right, it is all about being consistent and strong. If we give in then we are back to square one. We are right behind you as you do this, it is great that you have identified this now, and will foster the atmosphere of respect as he grows. My youngest is 6 feeet 2" tall but knows he has to behave in a respectful way.As they get into their teens it is all about them wanting more freedom and us letting go gradually and at the same time making it clear that the freedom implies they are more mature and so this is how they must behave, to show us that they are grown up enough to handle this extra freeedom 
thank u louise things have been calmer in our house with reference to what he was doing before,thank u for being there behind me,thats nice to know,6 ft 2 god thats tall lol,thanx again 4 the advice louise.
Patience is indeed a virtue elle. I think you're doing great with R. Isn't it nice when they help with meals, lunch etc? Keep up the good work.
I've just removed the laptop from C, as his attitude toward me was bad. He's been sent to his bedroom too. Every single time someone calls to say they are coming round, he seems to think it's his cue to either speak disrespectfully to me, or play me up. We haven't seen anyone really through the hols, and it has been wonderful between us. Like having 'my C' back, before he returns to school and then the cheekiness seems to start up after being with his peers. (what is that all about) Shall go and cut the grass now, and get myself chilled out.
Kids!!!!
ah thanx hazel eyes,i think threatening him with staying in its a good incentive as he loves going up 2 his friends house after school he also goes 2 an indoor adventure play ground after school 2 so he knows if he starts messing around hes staying in.i know wat you mean boys are such show offs arent they? and ive said 2 r hes just making himself look silly!!
Hi there
hazeleyes, it sounds as though the summer hols have been lovely just the two of you, however, as you recognise yourself, C is behaving possessively if anyone else is getting involved.
I think this is really normal for children of single parents who don't have siblings.
I wonder if you can have a chat with him about how important it is for you to have your friends and what they mean to you, he understands that friendship is important and may be you could point out that you would be miserable if you didn't have good buddies. Hopefully he will be glad that his mum has friends that want to visit and learn to respect that you need your friends too.
May be when a friend is coming over, you could say to him as soon as you know, 'X is popping in for a couple of hours this afternoon AFTERWARDS shall you and me make supper together?'. Or 'I can't wait to see X, we have so much to talk about, why don't you do Y and then show me how you did it after they have gone'
elle81, its great that you have done that list, can you stick it somewhere prominent, like the fridge or kitchen door, so that a) you don't forget and b) R doesn't forget and you can both stick to it. Is he too old for some sort of reward chart to go along with the things he has said he would do?
Hi anna i have got it on the fridge great minds think alike! lol i think he is 2 old for a chart he will be 13 in jan but i think threatening no pocket money may help as my nan sends him £20 a month and he loves to treat himself to what he wants.
I know 13 sounds too old for a chart, however when my daughter wanted a new phone last year, I said that if she could complete the chart for a month, then I would get her one.
We both took great pleasure arguing about how much she had or hadn't done to deserve a tick for every day!! She is a girl though!
hello elle81
Yes he is indeed going through a massive hormonal upheaveal. However, violence is NEVER acceptable and this has to be nipped in the bud straightaway as he will soon be bigger than you!
You need to choose a time when you are both feeling fairly mellow, (I know these times are not very frequent with teenagers!) and you can sit down and talk together with no TV or other distractions. Ask him what he thinks of men who are violent towards women, he will tell you he disapproves and you can say I need to tell you that the things you do to me are hurting me and therefore come into that category, you may do playfighting with your friends but I am a woman and your mum and expect to be treated with respect.
Have a sheet of paper handy with a line down the middle. Before the talk write down everything you do for him on one side of the line: include keeping him housed and clothed plus washing and any lifts you might give him to places, and any pocket money. It will be a long list. Now ask him what he will do for you. After a lot of moaning he will probably come up with something like well I already put the rubbish out, don't I? and you can write that on "his" side of the line. He might even offer something new like tidying his room. Write that down too. Then say there is one thing I REALLY need you to do for me, and write "treat me with respect and no aggression" Say to him that if he cannot stick to his side of the bargain then he cannot expect you to stick to yours.
Stay calm throughout. You ask how to stay calm. One thing that really helps is this: please understand that the teenager's main goal is to make you cross and wind you up. If you once lose your rag, he has "won". Once you know that is what he wants, it might be easier to resist.
I have got some helpful reading for you, now how did you know I was going to say that?? Articles: Parenting Teenagers and Aggressive Behaviour......and here we go again, my favourite book, which will make a difference to your life: here PLEASE GET THIS, it is totally fab!