This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
Hi everyone,
ever had one of those days where youre constantly working, doing something, you also have loads of housework and at the same time your child wants attention?
Then, you sort of lose your cool a bit, and raise your voice a bit more than you ever normally do?! Your child gets upset and the day carries on in a similar fashion....
I see myself as a generally good parent, im constantly at my sons mercy, looking after him day in day out, but today i feel as if i REALLY could have done with a break, but theres nobody here to give me one. I know i may sound moany, but the reality is i cant keep going, i need some time to recouprate yknow? This makes me feel guilty, as sometimers i think 'some days are just so good, why cant i be like that everyday??'.
sometimes i tell my parents about the way i feel on a bad day, but the usual message back is along the lines of, think of the child, he doesnt deserve me 'losing my cool' and getting a bit hot headed. This is absolutely true, but it doesnt take away the hard work a single parent does every single day, often without a break.
i was hoping you'd share with me your stories to make me feel better, or maybe strategies to help me not lose my cool so easy. Its been one of those days :(
thanks
Wish I knew the answer too. Mine is 10, and I could walk on somedays. This afternoon was one. Like Sparkling says, someone will have some brilliant suggestions though. Hopefully Louise will be on line tomorrow. Chin up pink lilly. Take one day at a time.
Hello pink lilly
Poor you! Hope you feel a bit brighter this morning?
I can clearly remember a similar situation with my eldest child. I was married at the time but my husband worked away so it was all down to me. Every week I would get on the train and travel to stay at my parents for a couple of days. This particular day, my boy was only about 8 months, I was exhausted and as breastfeeding was winding down, I had my first real period since the birth and it was horrendous. Whilst at my parents', my son would not settle, kept screaming, in the end I ran upstairs to him and shouted at him (like that would calm a screaming child, I think not!!) and came down again in tears only to have my dad shout at ME, I was beside myself and said how I felt and he said I don't care how you feel, you do not carry on like THAT. Now how much better would it have been if he had said oh never mind, hugged me, made me a cuppa and my mum had gone up and pacified my son! So I can really sympathise with you, as I think can most parents.
You know already that when you do lose your cool, it makes things worse as any naughtiness in a child escalates but sometimes it is nigh on impossible not to. I think the main things are a. forgive yourself, you are not Superwoman b. remember each day is a fresh start and c. of it does happen, try to figure out why (ie what did your boy do that wound you up,how were you feeling that day) perhaps write it down and see if you can find a pattern.
Also have a think about an emergency strategy when things get out of hand. Sparkling lime's was always loud music and dance round the kitchen. What could yours be?
Morning Pink Lilly,
I guess we will all find our own ways by having to go through these trying times ! My son is 7.. So imagine this...on Thursday morning we were both struggling to get out of bed, he and I are are sleeping on mattress' s in my room ( having a fitted bedroom done and all my crap and clothing is piled high in his room )! As he was finishing getting his school uniform on I said "see you downstairs when your finished, don't forget to turn lights off. I have to call him again to hurry up and then we leave ( can you see where I am going with this)....
We get into car drive off and I look up at the house as the back is visible from the other side of the road and as sure as eggs are eggs my bedroom light was on! I was furious, not only were we late but now I had to turn back. I turned to him and said "why can't i trust you to do the smallest thing ?" he looked at me crestfallen and I turned back up the drive ran in,turned light off and you could cut the atmosphere in the car with a knife.
Dropped him at school and felt pretty pathetic when I reflected on the drive to work. I promptly stopped off and bought him a pack of Haribo. When I collected him, I said to him" I am sorry about what happened this morning and I should not have shouted, I bought you some sweets to apologise" he said " it's ok mum" I said "it is right that adults apologise if they are in the wrong too and thanks for accepting my apology". He looked at me and said "don't worry mum I am a child and still learning.. You have the first haribo". So to sum up.... I know I will be short tempered with him again, maybe even tomorrow morning when I am rushing around.... But I will always reflect and say sorry. It makes me feel so much better and my son realises that I am not an ogre just stressed like most normal people on the planet.
What I hope you get from my rant is,the way you feel now you WILL feel like it again, sometimes there will be tears at bed time because the day just nose dived, but you really have to force yourself to "change your vibration" so the day does not carry on in a negative fashion. I know it's hard but try to make it a concious thought process to change, find a moment to laugh or have a naughty treat.... Untill you are sutably calm and then get the cuddles in.
Thankfully they are not riddled with guilt for the act like we are so realise that in truth you are half way there because you already recognise it is happening. Stop punishing yourself take a deep breath and have a good Sunday.
Good luck FM.
Ah, bless you! Whenever I had days like that and I'd complain to my mum how bad the children were on that particular day she'd say 'they are probably the same as always, but you are tired/not so good/whatever and therefore it gets to you more'. She was probably right.
We all have these days and we wreck ourselves with the guilt complex. Children are a lot more resilient than they are given credit for, and they forgive you the off days. The same as you forgive them whatever they do (and they are of course not all innocent all the time).
Maybe you can just say stuff the housework, I need to chill and take time out. Housework will be there the next day, too. :-) (My house is usually chaos).
hugs xx
oh my god - thats amazing, 'frustrated mum' and 'louise' - youve just completely summed up how i feel, youve hit the nail on the head and i feel so much better, to know that its normal to feel how i do and normal to act how i do. I often feel demonised, especially when i talk to my parents about my bad day, and as youve touched ypon, its us (the parent) that gets shouted at for behaving in a way we shouldnt and im always told 'its notr his (my childs) fault, dont do this or that again', when really all i want is sympathy.
Thank you making me accept and realise that its ok for me to shout here and there and that i will have bad days again :) atleast ill learn to not be so hard on myself.
also - 'hopeful' - i know leaving the housework - this is something i do need to remember, a lot!! Im quite a perfectionist. Often i feel, as i am on benefits as a single mum, i feel as if im being judged and so to make sure my house is cleran etc, it proves im not a 'scrounger' and that i really am trying yknow? Anyway - its irrelevant how others judge me and i will learn to leave things like housework when needed.
thanks again :)
Hi pink lilly, it sounds as though your brain was going a million miles to the dozen and you needed/wanted a break
You have been working, there was housework to be done and your child wanted some of you too. So it is not surprising that you lost your cool. As others have said, we all have days like that.
I have found that when I am beginning to feel frustrated, exhausted and perhaps trapped by life, I try and catch that thought and recognise what is going on. I used to use the bathroom to escape! I would go in there and wash my face and hands, take my time and remind myself that 'everything was fine', 'everything would get done', 'I am the one in control of my life, my reactions and the rest of my day' and sure enough after a little pep talk, I would calm down and give myself a break. We are the only ones who are winding ourselves up with thoughts such as 'I have to clean the house', ' I have no time to myself', 'I can't do everything' etc, but the key is catching yourself before we lose our cool.
And remember, being a single parent, often means that we can do what we want! So once again we are the ones who can choose what happens over the weekend.
As Hopeful says, the housework can wait. If you need time to yourself, create a little play area next to the sofa and tell your son that you are going to have a cup of tea and read for half an hour, then you want to play with him.
As everyone has said, we all feel like this at some point or another, so dont beat yourself up. How was Sunday?
Hi anna, sunday was a much better day, i made myself consciously aware of how i was feeling and reminded myself that i am ok and im doing the best i can. i looked at my day more positively ..
Thatta girl! Well done, it is not easy, but with practice you do begin to recognise when you are giving yourself a hard time and creating the the negative attitude!
Power to positivity!! 
I wish I knew the answer... My lot are older and so I do have the option of walking away and shutting myself in my bedroom.
I know some will have brilliant suggestions.
Loads of hugs...