This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
My baby's father & I split while I was pregnant, I raise LO alone with him have visits a month- LO has health issues & is in and out of hospital- i asked her father for his family health history as my doctor needed it (he had put "none" on my pregnancy forms) he said he had to find out from a family member- he got back to me with a list of different health issues from different members of his family- I just found out he infact didn't contact any1 and he made-up the issues, causing me to give my doctor false info !! I'm so angry- how can I trust him with anything ESP when it concerns our daughters health
His mum has sadly passed and I have never met his other family members as they live abroad - I confronted Him about it & he has now changed his story about how he found out his family's history- if he can't get his story right then how can I trust that the history he has given me is true?!! That was his 1 thing to do right to prove he cares but he has failed & lied (I keep every txt he sends me so he can't claim he never said it) I'm so angry as he's treating our daughters health & myself as a joke! Why should I let some1 like that see LO- giving sperm don't make u a dad - u have to earn the right but he can't even do a simple task & now I have to tell doctor all the info I gave her is false & look a prat :(
I think you are right Tinkerbell2, you can't trust him with the health history he has given you, however try not to be embarrassed when talking to the doctor. You were not to know that the information given to you was false.
I think there is a lot of emotion still caught up in your ex, see below an extract from our article When you and your ex disagree.
Obviously you needed information from him regarding his family's health history, but he seems to let you down time and time again. Are you in touch regularly?
Trust me I have no feelings for the bloke what so ever - I think you are getting confussed as of course I'm angry but it's not because I have feelings for him- it's because he let's my daughter down over & over again, plus he never walked out- i ended things with him & have happily moved on...I messaged him a week or so ago saying we need to make an effort for a daughters sake & work along side eachother-_ this is how he repays me by treating LO health as a joke & making the history up--- why on earth should I let his visits carry on when he happily lied, then lied about lying & could of put her at greater risk
Can I just say, no offence but I come on here for advice not to be told I still have feelings for my ex when I don't- not every1 who dislikes their ex still has emotions for them- some people do generally dislike their ex because they & their children(s) have been treated like crap and have no reason to like them- just to clear that up lol
Dear Tinkerbell2, you have been on these boards supporting others with your wise words and are a valid member of our community however I must apologise to you for my previous post.
You are upset with your ex for lots of valid reasons, you have continuously been very supportive of him having a relationship with your child and you are frustrated and annoyed at your ex being unable to tow the line and behave in an adult fashion.
In my earlier post I inserted a paragraph from the article When you and your ex disagree and this is obviously not the most useful support I have offered on these boards to date. So I am apologising to you for not responding more appropriately and effectively.
I am going to look into how you may find out more about your ex partners medical history, as this must be an issue for many single parents and adoptive parents and will let you know my findings.
I notice that you are still questioning the access that you currently consent to. Did you message our legal adviser?
Hello Tinkerbell2
I have been away for a few days so have just read your message this morning.
To say that your child's father's behaviour is infuriating is just inadequate. In fact I have to say I was shocked to read what you had been through. Anna has kindly said that she will be investigating what can be done in this situation but I have to say that I have not heard of anything, I have recently been supporting a parent with a poorly teen where the father's family history had to be investigated but the only thing we did was to write to him.....that is all very well if they co-operate and tell the truth!
The only thing I can think of at this stage is do you know which GP surgery he attends? Of course the GP cannot give you any info without his permission but you could ask your/your daughter's doctor to write to them stressing the neccessity for this information and you never know they might contact him direct for permission,......and also some people are a bit in awe of doctors and take more notice of them. However, the main thing I want to say to you is that whilst I am generally 100% in favour of children being close to both parents, this behaviour is really incomprehensible to me. As you say, this was a chance for him to demonstrate his commitment and it feels like he has let your daughter down. Your daughter is very lucky to have such a caring mum!
Can I refer myself to a contact centre for her dads visits- I've tried my best to make visits and contact work but it doesn't , I think a centre is the right way to go for the time being but I don't want courts or social workers involved if possible- I know I have a centre in my town but don't know the rules for self refurel ???
The really annoying answer to your question is you can for some but not for others (I find that a bit ridiculous but that is what the National Association says)......anyway I will give you the link for you to get in touch and they will soon let you know! You don't neccessarily have to be referred by a solicitor, some centres acceopt referrals from GPs and Health Visitors. One thing to bear in mind is some centres appear only to operate on three-month time slots so after three months it needs to be reviewed. I have not found this to be the case with my local centre up here but I know that Anna has heard of this happening elsewhere.
Anyway here is the link for you to get in touch with them. I know you are aware of your local one's whereabouts but the website may have some more info for you, there are various sections of it you might like to read as well.
Thank you so much for your help & support Louise & Anna- I've contacted centre just waiting on call back.... Suppose they Don't accept me (hope not thou) what do u suggest? As I no longer what this man in my property, I've bent over backwards for him & I know LO comes first but I can't bear to see him anymore as I'm so disgusted & don't want tension around LO (which will happen) neither of us have go between family members (my family will knock him out lol) we could do visits in town but he comes very early to visits 7.30am and middle of a shop isn't a good setting what would u suggest?
Hi Tinkerbell2
Well you may be able to get the referral from your GP or Health Visitor as I mentioned but I agree it is worth thinking about the alternatives.
Meeting in public is definitely a good idea, he will have to behave and also you will feel less "invaded" in your own home. I am intrigued that he tends to come over at 7.30am, why is this? Does he work late and/or at weekends? If possible I would suggest a more sociable time and choose something interesting for your daughter, such as a play pub, a soft play group or a cafe with toys in the rain/cold and a park in the better weather. If you don't know of things in your area then your Heath Visitor might know .....or join your local NetMums (click) and you don't have to go to any events if you don't want to, you can just see where they go as it will say what facilities for children there are. 
If you really have to stick to 7.30am (and I hope you don't) then you can always go to a cafe. Take some small toys/books along to entertain your daughter, though, and keep the meetings quite short so you have a better chance of her staying cheerful
He comes so early so he can leave at noon and spend rest of day with his mates, not good I know but not much I can do about it
Ok I see,sorry to be nosey but it just seemed like an unusual time 
Hi Tinkerbell2, I have done a lot of researching and not been very fruitful. I have now spoken with our legal team, but hey do not think that there is a way of obtaining disclosure of an unwilling parent's medical records. Unfortunately even the court in Family Proceedings cannot force a parent to disclose their medical records.
How are you at the moment?
Thank you very much for all your help & support- I have been intouch with a lawer & been told I now have enough evidence to prove LO in unsafe in her fathers care- I'm very grateful for every ones comments & research all of which I have taken on board- let's hope this is a start to a brighter future and my princess will remain in ONLY safe hands for here on out xxx
Well done you Tinkerbell2. I am glad that you have found a lawyer and you can move forward with this.
It is such a hard thing to do, but you know what is right for you and your daughter. It most definitely will lead to a brighter future as you won't have the constant worry
Oh tinkerbell2, how frustrating, he sounds so very unreliable, can you talk to his mum or write her a letter? These things are important especially with the health issues.