Hi everyone,
I've been reading the forums for a while and thought it was time to introduce myself. I'm 37 years old and mum to a gorgeous son J who has just turned 4.
Me and his dad split last April (his idea, came totally out of the blue), after 13 years of marriage. I am pleased to say that I have pulled myself through what has been one of the worst years of my life and we are doing ok. J finally feels secure again, knows that everyone loves him and that mummy is not going anywhere. He did suffer a few panic attacks for a while if I went anywhere without telling him when his dad first left. He went to bed one night with daddy living at home and then daddy never came back.
I am proud to say that me and J's dad do have a really good relationship. J lives with me and goes to his dads every Saturday, which I am getting used to now, I hated it at first! There have been a couple of bombshells this past week as dad has finally admitted that he is seeing someone else. Have known for a while but he kept denying it. When will the man learn that he has never been able to lie to me and still can't lol. The fact that she is only 19 was a bit of a shock (he's 36). He has also decided that this is the weekend that they are going to meet, so tomorrow is D-Day. Eeek! I am fine with them meeting, J's dad wouldn't let any harm come to him and would not introduce them if he didn't think the timing was right. I do have an issue with the fact that he is planning for his new partner to sleep over tomorrow night. They are going out for the day to playcentres (appropriate considering her age!) and taking J's cousin with them so that things are more relaxed, but then the plan is for new partner to sleep over. I think this is too much too soon, but he just say's they'll see how the day goes and if J is not comfortable then they won't. Part of me (the evil part) hopes that they have a dreadful day and that J doesn't like her, but he's at the sociable age where everyone is a new friend. We shall see how things go. His dad has said that J will always come first and that if he is not happy then the day will be cut short. I am hopeful it goes well, as it will be me that has to deal with the aftermath if it doesn't 
x
Hi,
Well it's D Day! Let myself down this morning by crying when J left to go to his dads. Grrr! Didn't help that when G came to pick him up he was on the defensive because he was nervous about what would happen between J and his 'friend'. He doesn't like to see me upset about things and gets on the defensive and blames me for everything. At least I don't have to put up with his tantrums for long! I've been out with my sister in law for lunch and am currently lying on the sofa chilling due to pulling my back earlier. Am also admiring all the housework that needs doing!
i work full time in purchasing / payroll / purchase ledger for a furniture company. Been there for 14 years. It's a small company so they know my situation and have been brilliant with me. J goes to nursery full time and he loves it. Even asks to go in holidays!
S x
Hi
I do hope things go ok Looby, and that J has a good time.
I know its not easy.
It sounds like you've had a nice day with your sister-in-law.
Well he's phoned tonight to say goodnight like he always does and it was only briefly mentioned that daddy's friend was there. He was more interested in feeding the ducks and the blue slush that he had! Another hurdle crossed, yay! Am I too late to enter the Olympics??
You're doing well.
Hi Looby, you were very brave yesterday 
How is your back today?
That's great that work has been supportive, at least you have been there long enough for them to know you well.
My experience of this whole "being a single parent scenario" is that I got through things on a day to day basis and then afterwards looking back, I was astounded at my own courage and resourcefulness and I feel sure it will be the same for you 
Just wanted to say hi Looby - you did well yesterday - take each day as it comes and you will get there - we are here to support you - lots of great people on this site - keep posting
Thank you everyone, hope everyone has had a lovely mothers day! J got me a card and some flowers and has wished me happy mothers day about 300 times, but everytime he did I got a kiss and a snuggle so all good!
Back is much better thank you Louise. Well I think it is, have been taking painkillers so have been able to play with J. Will no doubt find out when the last ones wear off.
Sparklinglime and littleredhen, thanks for the votes of confidence!
I am amazed at how far I have come this past year. When ex first left me I couldn't imagine ever feeling like I do now. Admittedly I have taken a knock this past week with finding out about ex's new girlfriend. She's young, thin and blonde. Basically he couldn't have picked someone more opposite to me! J had a good day with them yesterday. Ex told me that he barely realised she was there and didn't take much notice of her. Yet today I have heard everything about her! J did make me laugh earlier, I laughed so much I was crying. He was telling me that daddy picked him up and threw him on the sofa, then daddy picked C (niece) up and threw her on the sofa, then he did the same to his new friend. He then said daddy picked 'all' the children up so everyone got a turn! I know she's young but still...It did really make me laugh though and I told ex when J phoned him to say goodnight! If it was the other way round I'd get stick from him.
Hi Looby, welcome from me, you have been through a tough year, but your posts sound upbeat and positive! Well done for getting through it all!
It is always good to read that two parents although separated can get along well enough for their children. You sound as though you trust your ex to do right by your son.
I agree with Louise, that it is always nice for our children to have another adult in their lives to dote on them! It must have been quite a surprise hearing how young his new girlfriend is, although J seems to have taken it all in his stride!
When you told your ex what J had said about 'all' the children, how did he respond?
Hi Looby and welcome to One Space from me too yours is the first post that i have read to day and i am amazed at how well and positive you have come through the last year.
It is also great that you have such a good relationship with J's father as this can make a world of difference. Hope your backs better today?
Any plans for the week?
Hi,
It is good that we can get along well and we are both proud of ourselves for this. We are the mad ex couple who still spend the occasional day out together so J gets a mummy and daddy day. He loves it and accepts readily that daddy goes home as I take him up to bed. J speaks to daddy every night to say goodnight and sometimes phones him in a morning too. As I tell everyone, my ex stopped loving me, he didn't stop loving his son and like it or not, we are tied together for life.
Anna, G ( ex) had no option but to laugh when I told him what J said. He's getting stick from everyone, but he would be the first to dish it out to anyone else. Hasn't introduced her to his mum and dad yet, but not because of her age apparently. Hmmm! My fil made me cry yesterday. He told me I was a brilliant mummy, doing an amazing job and that his son was an idiot. I do love my in laws!
Looby I am sure you are indeed doing a great job, I liked what you said about J's dad stopped loving you, not his son. If only more parents could see it like that, I mean in particularly the parents without the day to day care. So many on here seem to have had the experience that once their relationship has broken up, the other parent does not bother with the children either!
What are you up to this week?
Hi Looby,
Just wanted to say hello and thanks for making me laugh. Your posts are so honest and the humour in them is refreshing to see.
I know the pain of your child/ren meeting a new `partner`, as recently been thro it myself but have to say not as bad as i imagined and children know who loves them most. It`s a bigger deal to us than it is to them.
Keep ur chin up and keep laughing. Best wishes,
A xx
Hello ladies,
Hope we've all had a lovely day in the sunshine. I only got to see it from my office window, but it looked very nice. Busy time at work with it coming up to year end. I am however going to J's nursery for a 'Stay & Play' day tomorrow. Work will cope without me for a couple of hours! I get to go and play and basically see what he gets up to. Will be nice as all I get told when I ask what he's done at nursery is 'played'!
Manc-lass what you said was so true! I made J meeting ex's new partner a much bigger deal than it turned out to be. Although he talked about her all mothers day he's barely mentioned her since. Apart from waking screaming the other night because he didn't like daddys new friend because she wore glasses and a pink t shirt! I pointed out that I wear glasses and pink t shirts, but apparently thats ok because I am his mummy. The logic of four year olds astounds me. Told ex that if J continues to have nightmares about her glasses then she'll have to change to contacts! He thinks I'm joking hehe......
Oh dear.....opticians will have a field day!
Hope your stay and play goes well, Looby, the weather is lovely, is there somewhere for the children to be outside?
The nursery J goes to is great Louise. They have loads of outside space and have recently had it all revamped. They've had a gazebo built, sandpits, loads of outside toys. On the front they have a climbing frame with slide and firemans pole and even a boat and see saw. They spend as much time outside as they can in the summer. Stay and play was absolutely brilliant! I loved it and could have stayed there all day. I was the only parent that went in J's room, so I was very popular with the children! They had me reading stories, building robots and playing with play dough. One of the other children cried when I left while J waved me away quite happily! He loves me really......!
Hi Looby that sounds great, and it also sounds as if J is a very confident little boy. That bodes very well for the world of big school. So what is lined up for this weekend?
Well Saturday is the usual round of cleaning, shopping, washing and ironing that I always do while J is at his dad's. On Sunday we are going to sort the garden out, weather permitting. Mother in law has given J some wild flower seeds and various ornaments for his little 'garden'.
Oh and I sort of have a 'date' Saturday night.......she says very quickly while hiding her head under a cushion all embarrassed! 
Been a very long time since I've done anything like that!
ooh - enjoy
its funny looby but I was in a shop today and came round one end of the aisles and this guy came from a different direction - he waited for me to pass so I laughed and said no after you I am dithering - he gave me a big smile and insisted - after he had gone I found myself wondering how old he was and whether he was single - he had a lovely smile - its years since I have even looked at another guy - might have to pop in same store next Friday
You go for it lrh
Hi looby. Not welcomed you along yet, so 'welcome'. A date huh? That is great. Have you known him long? It's a real boost for you, so go along and enjoy. Reading through your posts, and have to say it's fantastic that you have such a good relationship with your son's dad. Makes life easier all round if it can be done. Hope you're having a good evening.
Lol littleredhen - go you!
It's been 17 years since I have been out with anyone other than my ex! I ummmed and aaahed about it for days. He invited me out not long after ex unveiled his teenage girlfriend and I didn't say yes straight away because I wasn't sure if it would have been for the right reasons iykwim. I didn't want it to be a reaction to ex's new relationship. But he's worn me down and we're going out for a drink on Saturday. I feel sick if I think about it too much! It just feels very strange. I'm sure it will feel more right when I have a couple of glasses of dutch courage in me!
Agree with you there, a bit of dutch courage and away you go Looby. I do hope it all goes well for you, and am sure once you've got your glad rags on, it'll go swimmingly. If it doesn't work out, you're not losing anything, but gaining a bit more confidence for the next man that comes your way.
Hi Looby that sounds good, just think of it as fun. Sometimes when we start to date again after a split we can see it as a search for another "partner" whereas just enjoying it for what it is, will take a lot of the pressure off
don't be nervous looby - remember to expect to be treated exactly as you would like to be treated and don't accept any less - you are worth it
Hello,
Hope we've all had a lovely day in the sunshine. Me and J have been outside most of the day. We've sorted his little garden out and I've done the first grass cut of the year! We are both suitably worn out.
Well my 'date' last night went very well after a couple of hiccups in the afternoon. My sister in law let it slip to ex that I was going out with someone. Not that I was hiding it from him, but its none of his business. Or so I thought. I had him on the phone for half an hour telling me that he didn't like the thought of me going out with someone else and did I know what I was doing. What???? He's the one thats had a new partner for months as I tried to point out to him. He's also the one that left me! We had a chat about it and he said that he didn't think it would hit him like that, he always thought he would be ok with it. I explained it was weird for me when I found out about his new partner, we'd been together for 16 years and obviously it was going to be strange knowing 'your' partner was going out with someone else. It also turns out that his new partner was not spending the weekend with him this weekend. Apparently she's been a bit off since spending the day with J last weekend. I told him he'd probably scared the poor girl off by forcing her to spend the day with J when she wasn't ready to meet him. J has loved having daddy to himself though . The second hiccup was my mother in law. I told her I was going out with someone and she started crying and told me not to give up on her son, that he'd realise what he wanted soon. I know she's been heartbroken by the fact he walked out on us (not done in their family) but I didn't think she still thought he would wanting to come back! I explained as gently as I could that he wasn't coming back and that he had a new partner (she knows he's been seeing someone, but doesn't know details). She said she just wanted us all to be a family again, which made me cry. I so very nearly cancelled my evening, because at this point all I really wanted to do was curl up in my pj's with chocolate. But I didn't and I'm glad I didn't. I had a lovely evening . He's someone I've known for a long time so it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. One of his first questions was if my ex knew I was going out with him and whether he needed to hire a bodyguard. That certainly broke the ice and we had a great evening. I will admit that a couple of large glasses of red wine helped me relax! It was nice to talk to someone about things other than children and work, which is what me and ex ended up talking about when we went out. He asked if we could do it again and I've said I don't see why not! I'm not looking for a new partner. I'm nowhere near ready for that, but it will be nice to have someone to go put with occasionally.
Sorry for the waffle, writing helps me to process things! I'm now off to watch Dancing on Ice final. First series I've ever watched and I've really gotten into it!
Hi looby
Its interesting isn't it when our ex's suddenly realise/remember we are more than their childs mother, we are attractive red blooded women who need/want adult male attention and that there are plenty of red blooded males who want to give it!
I am now going to put my 'working' hat on though because I noted that you said that your 'date' wore you down until you said 'Yes' to going out with him. On one hand we can see this as very flattering, on the other it can be seen as domineering and not taking 'No' as an answer. Films and TV always show men winning the 'beautiful' girl after she has said 'No', they just have to buy flowers, do something funny, keep on at her and eventually she says 'Yes', completely ignoring her wishes to not 'see' them and we deem it as acceptable. It can also tell the man that if he just keeps pestering us, he can coerce us into doing what he wants in the future.
I don't want to get heavy, I am only bringing this up because of the words that you used, that set me on alert and wanted you to know that 'You do not have to do anything you don't want to' and when you say 'No' people should respect the fact that you know your own mind to mean what you say.
You are gorgeous and any man would be interested in you! I think it is really important that you go out and have some adult time. You might be vulnerable this time around, but listen to your heart and enjoy yourself.
OK lecture over! Just out of interest, do you think that your ex would want to get back together if his current partner left him and he saw you through another mans eyes?
Hi,
Anna I know what you are saying, but I think I just used the wrong words. He didn't wear me down as in not taking no for an answer. It was more I explained to him my concerns over the timing of it with ex and he encouraged me to stop worrying so much about how things look to other people and just live a little. If I had said a flat out no, he would have respected that, he really is that type of person! It was nice to go out and have some adult time and have some fun! Its been a horrible year since ex left me, I have been through some of the lowest times of my entire life, but finally things are starting to look up. I have realised that I am capable of doing things on my own and that for the most part I am happy on my own. I am not on the lookout for a new man. The old one has taken some getting over, but it is nice to have the attention.
As for the ex, it is probably a classic case of I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to want you. I have never once thought that he would come back from the minute he left, even though at first I desperately wanted him to. He hurt me very much and he hated doing that. He would never ask to come back because of all that he put me through and all I have gone through. And of course we're now at the point where I wouldn't have him back, although my evil side would love him to ask to come back just so I could tell him to get lost!
Hi Looby, glad the date went well and thanks for explaining about the "wearing down" thing. As for J's dad, there is a touch of dog in the manger there, and I must admit I was a bit shocked about your mother-in-law. If she wants to grieve over the end of your relatiionship then all well and good but completely inappropriate to try to lay guilt at your door (when I split up from my boys' dad his mother had to go and see a counsellor, I remember thinking at the time "I have been living this life of hell for two years and YOU want to see a counsellor!" I thought it inappropriate that she told me that was what she was doing)
So...onward and upward. What's on the agenda this week?
Is it the 5th of April yet? That is the start of my new year! Me and ex split on 6th April last year so I have said that the 5th April will be my new start, no more looking back, only looking forwards. Father in law has been taken into hospital tonight with breathing difficulties and a high temp. He's been having trouble breathing for a while, but lately its gotten much worse and he was saying at the weekend that he's scared to go to sleep in case he doesn't wake up. Ex has just text me to say that they are keeping him in but cannot say whats wrong with him. They are still doing all sorts of tests. Spoke to ex earlier and all he kept saying was 'He'll be ok and be home tomorrow'. For once I hope he is right, I don't know how he'll cope if anything happens to his dad. Lets hope we don't find out anytime soon........
Oh dear I do hope there is better news today.
I had to smile at the 5th April date though, coincides with the tax year!!!!
I was thinking the same
All those firsts will be out the way Looby...
Yep, new tax year new start lol! Ex told me he was going on 6th April last year, which also happens to be his dads birthday. Great timing that man! Sparklinglime you are so right, all the firsts will have been done. It is so strange as I sit here now thinking 'this time last year I was happily married!'. Well apparently not that happily married, but you get what I mean.
Ex has just rung after being to see FIL. They think he has pneumonia, which is what we suspected, but not good in an ex miner who has various breathing problems anyway. At least he is in the right place for being looked after, pneumonia just makes me very nervous. It complicated my mums MS and she never recovered from it. FIL apparently thinks he will be coming home tomorrow, bless him. Not a chance! MIL won't let him home until he can run a marathon!
Hope he soon rallies, Looby.
Are you out and about today?
This could turn into a long one so apologies in advance. I just need to get everything out.
Although me an ex have quite a good relationship, we do seem to argue more lately than we have ever done before. Part of it probably stems from the fact that I dislike conflict, anything for a quiet life, so when we were married I would probably have seethed over things to myself rather than letting him know how I felt. He has always said that I am a very negative person, I see the worst in things and 'hear things wrong', meaning that if he said something I always put a negative spin on it.
I was supposed to be having J in a few weeks for a full weekend while ex went away. I'd cancelled my plans so I could do this as he was going away for a special occasion and had made plans with friends for me and J for the weekend. He sent me a text today saying that as he wasn't going away for that weekend, would I swap it for a weekend in May. So I rang him. He claims he'd told me he'd cancelled that weekend and could I have him for the other weekend. I said I already had plans, but what did he want to do. He became very cagey and wouldn't tell me.
Eventually got it out of him that he was going to take girlfriend to Spain for the weekend with his sister. I asked him if he was ashamed of me when we were together, because he never wanted to do things with me that he was doing with his new partner. She's young, blonde, thin and gorgeous, whereas I'm old and overweight. I said he never had the time to spend with me when we were together and never wanted to go out. He then claimed that I never had time for him and since J came along, all I wanted to do was stay at home, that his sister had invited us out to the villa before but I wouldn't go. J was a couple of months old at that time, but apparently that would have been ok because plenty of people take babies away. He said that he wasn't ashamed of me but that I wouldn't believe it because of how I think about things. It really feels as though he was ashamed of me. It doesn't help that I am very unhappy with how I look and I do lack self confidence. I offered to have J for the weekend as he obviously really wanted to go away. Bear in mind that this is the man that can't afford to take his son on holiday but can afford to go to Spain for the weekend with his girlfriend. He just kept saying, no you have plans, don't worry about it. I told him one last chance, do you want to go away for the weekend and I will change my plans, to which he replied no, I'm not that fussed if I go, it'll be fine. Half an hour later I got a text saying sod it, I will go if you can sort it.Probably spoken to girlfriend and she'd thrown the dummy out. Aaaaarrggghhh! I told him no, I gave you last chance half an hour ago and left it at that. What is the mans game? Does he think I will just change my plans at the drop of a hat. I am waiting for him now to tell me that he's arranged someone else to have J for the day so he can still go.
I feel really sorry for myself at the minute. Knew it wouldn't be easy when he found someone else. Its the fact that he is doing so much more with her in a short space of time than he's wanted to do with me in years. I suppose the fact that they are not responsible for a child 6 days a week has something to do with it.
If you've got this far well done. Have a cup of tea and a chocolate hob nob!
Aww Looby, it's you that needs the cup of tea by the sounds of it, and have a HUG too, while we are about it!
I totally understand why you feel so hurt about this. HOWEVER (heh heh, you knew this was coming, didn't you?) it may well be just that he has realised that he wasn't very romantic or spontaneous with you and he wants to do things differently in future. It is your own insecurities that have led you to assume he was ashamed of you...in other words they are your words, not his. And so we will look in a minute at addressing that, okay?
Over the years I have heard many blokes complain that they felt a bit pushed out when a baby arrived. My own personal view is that if a chap gets involved and realises that he can't be number one in his partner's eyes anymore then things are more likely to work out Ok. In fact I have already told my eldest son this so he is ready for when it happens to him
In this situation, you did indicate that you were prepared to change your plans so he could go away for the weekend, so really it was quite reasonable for him to take you up on your offer.
Now, more importantly, how horrid for you that you feel not so confident right now. You mentioned that it was your looks you were not so happy about. I really do think that if you felt better inside then you would automatically feel better about your looks, but also it's worth thinking of yourself as deserving a treat. I am talking about pampering really, you can do this on your own or with a friend. Obviously none of us can afford to swan off to posh health and beauty clubs but things like a nice perfume, you and a friend giving each other a pedicure, thinking about whether change of hairstyle or a new colour would buck you up. I don't know about you but I am nor one for being bothered with loads of makeup, but is there ONE item that makes you feel a bit more glam, eg a lipstick or mascara? worth a go.
Next on the list (ooh I love lists) could you do some more exercise? whether walking swimming or cycling or a class with childcare. It would really lift your mood and make you feel more positive, especially about your body.
The most important thing, though, is how you feel inside. No-one can wave a magic wand and make you feel more confident. read our article on self-esteem and think about asking your GP to refer you for counselling, you get six free sessions on the NHS and a counsellor could give you some tools to help. I will give you one to start with, Every day find something to praise in yourself. You can do this as you go along or at the end of the day.Something like "Well done, Looby, you coped with that woman really well today" or "Gosh you are doing a good job as a mum" or "That colour really suits you" or "What a brave person you are, I am proud of you" In other words you talk to yourself as if you were someone else,.this takes a bit of practice so give it a go, UI won't overwhelm you with any more at this stage, but we are always here for you
Yes I said I would change my plans but got told several times not to bother. I gave him one last chance to say he wanted to go before I let my friend know that we didn't need to change anything and he still said not to worry, he wouldn't go . Half an hour later he'd changed his mind. I told him quite specifically that I wouldn't change things after I'd let my friend know, yet he still wanted me to change things again. It was like this with the other weekend they were going on. I changed my plans, made plans for me and J. They were going, then they weren't, then they were and then it was all off. I have no objection to changing plans. I object to changing them several times to accommodate him.
My positive phrase for the day? Well done looby for not hiring a hit man to off the ex!
Hya Looby,
I don`t mean to make light of your recent post but can i just say that you had me roaring laughing. You should praise yourself simply for making me and i`m sure lots of other people laugh out loud. 
Your self esteem may be low but your sense of humour is well and truly in tact and that`s a very attractive quality.
As for the ex, hard as it is try not to let him get u down, you`re better than that.
Chin up and best wishes,
still laughing .........A xx
There you go, another positive. I made Manc-lass laugh. Ooh that's a bit tricky to say, wouldn't attempt it after a drink or two!
You do indeed have a wonderful sense of humour, Looby and it is a fantastic asset. We all know those people who are rather like Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh, always seeing the gloomy side.
Please do give some thought to my post, it took a considerable time to write and to think about what might help you. I am a counsellor with lots of training and experience and always glad to share that with the lovely people on here
Hope you have some nice things planned for the weekend. I am enjoying a quiet day or two after some hectic times.I loved seeing my eldest this week.
Take care and let us know how you get on.
Louise, I didn't mean to offend you. I am very grateful for your post and I can see the sense in what you are saying. Humour is my way of coping with things. I go for the laugh rather than cry approach. I do feel better if I get more exercise, but with working full time and having a four year old who's in bed by seven, I am limited to what I can do in the week. This week has been very hectic and not helped by me being hormonal! I did use other positives about myself yesterday, but it feels very strange to praise myself, whereas I can praise J easily.
Enjoy your quiet weekend. J off to his dads soon and I'm off into work. The joys of year end! Just hope the men have my bacon butty and cuppa ready!
You didn't offend me in the slightest, Looby I guess I meant I do want you to do some things to look after yourself, often if our self esteem is low we sort of go to the bottom of the pile as to priorities. Humour is my way of coping, too
I have to tell you about my shock of the week, my eldest has a beard, I just kept thinking how can I have a CHILD with a BEARD (he's 22 actually, but can you imagine your J with a beard?)
Bacon butty sounds just the ticket!
Lol at the beard! J wanted a beard at Christmas as ex had grown one. He also wanted to look like Santa!
Bacon butty going down very well. I do have these men trained!
Just been to see FIL in hospital. He is looking loads better and is enjoying the rest! He's got a room to himself and is loving it. He made us leave so he could watch football. Found out that ex took new girlfriend in to see him today for the first meeting. FIL winked at me and said its official that his son is having a mid life crisis! Was slightly annoyed with ex as he previously agreed that he would let me know if she was spending the day with them, but it's turned out to be just another thing he's failed to stick to. I have realised that I cannot control what he does, I can only control how I react to it and its not really worth bothering about is it? I know I honour agreements we've made so if he can't do it that's his problem, not mine. I feel like I've had an epiphany!!!!
Hi Looby. Glad your FIL is much better. Sadly, you can't control what the ex does, and like you say, it's not worth bothering about. As long as J is happy then that's all that matters isn't it? What are your plans for the rest of the weekend? Sadly the good weather seems to have gone 
Holiday time, so I guess that was to be expected!!!
I'm glad your FiL is feeling better.
I know my FiL still thinks the world of me...
I do hope you're ok.
Hi Looby
Yes that is indeed an epiphany and applying that not just to your ex partner but other things in life will be a big help!
Glad your FiL is comfortable.
How's your Sunday?
Hi looby, I have been off for a while and just catching up with the boards.
One point I wanted to make was, perhaps you don't ask your ex what his plans are, all you need to know is When he is coming for his son. I can understand how upset you must have been that your ex is taking new gf to Spain and he very obviously doesn't want to hurt you, that is why he decided when talking to you that he wouldn't go away. But he should and it sounds as though his gf talked him into it.
How is it going with your date?? I am glad that we got that cleared up, I wouldn't like to think of you being dragged to luxurious restaurants and nights out by your hair!! 
Have you seen him again.
Hello Looby
Welcome to One Space
How fantastic that you and your little J have done so well and for you to be able to countenance him meeting this new girlfriend with some rueful acceptance and even some humour. I had to giggle when you talked about your evil side, heh heh, but really it would be better for J to have another friendly adult in his life. I do agree with you about the sleepover! however all I can say in mitigation is that because J is small, it won't have the same impact as it would if he were older and could understand the implications of it.
You have clearly done a very good job in helping J to feel secure despite the separation and this is something a lot of parents struggle with so I hope that you will be able to give people the benefit of your wisdom as things crop up on the boards?
So, Looby, what's going on in the rest of your life? What do you enjoy doing? any work plans?
Hope you have a good weekend, what are you doing on D-day?