Hi all,
I'm new to this site and amazed already by the depth of information that can be gained from it. My wife passed away 2 months ago just 2 weeks after the birth of our second child. This has left me in a really strange place as I am now of work looking after our children until my extended paternity leave runs out.
I have 4 children although only 3 live with me permanently. 3 boys 10, 13 months and 2 1/2 months. I also have a daughter from my first marriage who comes between 8 and 10 nights a month who is 4.
I am just struggling to get my head round the legalities of a death as well as the financial support available.
Look forward to hearing from people
Hi again ML28. You can e.mail here. It's completely confidential, and they will help you with any money concerns that you have.
Hi ML28, welcome to one space from me too
I am so sorry that your wife passed away, life must be so hard for you at the moment, with 3 children to care for full time and your daughter visiting regulalry.
How is your 10 year old son coping with everything it must be so hard for him to understand whats happened.
Do you get support from your parents, your wifes parents, with 2 of your children being so young you could certainly do with all the support you can get. 2 of my daughters were born only 14 months apart and I do remember what it was like, double buggy that wouldnt fit in the shops, they are now 18 and almost 17 so it is easier most of the time.
I do hope you will stay with one space, it really is a great site and so friendly
ML28, I'm so very sorry. I can only imagine how mixed your emotions must be here.
Really hope in some way we can help with info and some support.
Hello ML28
You are very welcome here!
I am so sorry to hear of your bereavement, I imagine you are still in shock but it must be hard to find time to process any of what has happened, with having the children to look after. I won't ask any more questions now, as the others have already asked what I would have done at this stage. In practical terms, you need to sort out what is what moneywise, and in emotional terms find your own way of grieving. Please use the link that hazeleyes posted to get some confidential and free financial advice as a starting point.
Do hope you stay with us, it is a friendly and supportive site, as I hope you have already seen. Look forward to hearing from you.
Welcome ML28
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, we are here to support you day or night (there is often someone around in the evening), I look forward to getting to know you.
As already recommended earlier, we have a confidential email service regarding money, however here is a link to some information that you may find useful right now.
www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Death/WhatToDoAfterADeath/DG_066810
Are you wanting to return to work, or are you wanting to be a full time parent?
Hi all and a big thanks for the warm welcome.
I am getting good support from friends and family and they give me some time off every month so that I can get some rest and get out and do some things which I can't do with the kids, like climb a mountain!
I am looking to return to work but to reduce my contract down to just a couple of days a week so I am about for the little ones. I am also looking at starting a company which was mine and my late wifes dream. This will allow me a bit more flexibilty over work etc.
My 10 year old is doing ok, he is already undergoing counselling as him and his mum came from a previous abusive relationship. It is all very tough on him and I am still trying to be a support to him without trully understanding what a 10 year old needs as I have a bit of a learning gap to try and fill.
Anyway if people have got any tips or suggestions then that would be awesome.
Hello ML28,
It is great that you want to be able to help the 10 year old. I know what you mean, he is much older than your other children. Have you ever considered Parenting Classes?...just as a way to meet other parents and also to discuss things that affect your children. Do also liaise with the school as they will be able to tell you ways to support the work he does there.
I am glad that you do get some time to yourself as well, as life is hectic when there is so much to do.
What sort of business are you thinking about starting?
Hi ML28
Your poor son, he is very lucky to have you.
I think that a 10 year old needs to know that you (his parent) are resilient, coping and strong but with the empathy to show your pain too.
You asked for tips and ideas, so I have come up with a couple.
He must be going through heaps of chaotic emotions, poor little man, however it sounds as though he's got a good parent in his corner.
Can I point out ML28 that you said you don't know what a 10 year old boy needs are........you were once a 10 year old boy yourself, you do know and understand what it is like, maybe not the circumstances, but try and remember how you felt at the time! You might also like to share those memories with him too. There are no magic answers here, but it sounds as though you are doing a sterling job.
Do you think you could use one of the suggestions above?
Hi ML28
Just wanted to say hi and that I think you are doing a wonderful job. It can't be easy and aside from having your feelings to deal with, you also have those of the children's.
If you want to start your own business there are some websites which could offer advice and possible funding: - NFEA.com (National Federation of Enterprise Agencies), Business Link (though I believe they are merging with the EA's), and also your local council may be able to help. If you some money for start up costs your local council may be able to match the amount that you have to put into a business. I think it varies from council to council, but it's worth you looking on the website for your local council.
Take care :)
Hello ML28. Welcome to One Space
I am so sorry to hear your wife has passed away. You must be going through so much right now, as well as raising the children, and one just a tiny baby. Are you getting support from friends or family, health visitors etc? Your head must be all over the place at the moment, and I cannot begin to imagine what you're going through. Please keep posting, as others will along at some to give you a big welcome, as well as support. Take care. xx