Hello again

Hello everyone. Not been on for a while. Thought i would update you on 'D' and what is currently happening in my life.

Well all contact with 'D' stopped. I told him what he had done to me and how it made me feel, i told him he was an unhealthy influence on my life and he needed to back off. I said i would make sure he was informed when the baby was born and if he wanted contact we would do it through a solicitor. He was very mature about it and agreed to my wishes. Thankfully. Then..... Last week i was told he was sent down for 15 months. So i can safely say, he is out of my life for at least that long. 

Plans have changed with my family, We will no longer be moving back to Liverpool as my mum has been granted a place for my little sister in a school near us, specially designed and equipt for the needs of children with sever dyslexia. And my little brother is back home, with his family where he should be. Also i have got my little one into a different school, as i was fearing they were letting her down. I have found a new house just a couple of miles away, closer to my friends. So i wont be so isolated here.

Sadly though, i cannot say at this moment in time, that i am happy. far from it in fact. I woke this Tuesday to be told a very dear friend of mine had died. I will call him 'JK'. At first i thought it was just a sick joke so i asked one of our mutual friends 'C'. She told me it was true. He was dead. I asked her how it happened (both of us crying uncontrolably) and she told me he had hung himself in the early hours of Tuesday morning. WHAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My beautiful friend. He was so good to me at a very, very dark point in my life. If you remember me upset about an ex of mine 'J' then that is where he came into my life in an extremely, huge way that i can never forget it.

On September 3rd 2011 after me and 'J' had just split up and i had lost the baby, i went to the town i am moving to, too see my friends and 'C'. We went for a night out. I remember this extremely goodlooking but cheeky looking lad sitting opposite me. Chatting away. None of us really spoke back to him, haha. He just invited himself to join in on our company, i assumed he was 'C's friend. Later me and 'C' left the pub, we were chatting about where we would go next, then suddenly, there was this boy, walking along side us, asking where we were going and what the plan was haha. 'C' said ''Why is your friend following us ?'' and i said ''He isnt my friend, hes yours isnt he ?'' both of us truly did think he was a friend of the others lol. But neither of us knew him. We allowed him to come with us though, our other friends were joining us later on back at my friends house. We went to another pub, 'JK' bought me a drink then we sat outside. We all started to have a laugh, then 'J' called me. He asked why i was there and who i was with, so i said im with 'C' and 'JK'. I hung up on him. Then 'JK' suggested buying a few bottles of wine. He bought 2 and i bought 1. We all went back to 'C' house. We were laughing and joking then the rest of our friends came. They all started to talk about 'J' and how he was an idiot. 'JK' listened then he just looked at me and smiled. I got a text off 'J'.... ''cum n meet me alone am dwn d lane nr train station''. 'JK' was outraged that 'J' would ask a young girl to walk down a country lane, where there was no lighting at all, on her own. So said ''Do it, see what he wants. Dont worry i'll look after you'' so we went together. When i got there 'JK' hid behind a bush lol. I couldnt see 'J'. Then suddenly i was grabbed by 'JK'. He kissed me, holding me so tight and stroking my face and hair with his other hand. He was a stranger, but i felt warm and safe. It felt right. So i kissed him back. He then walked me outside the secondary school, where it was well lit, so 'J' might be able to see me. I sat on the curb and 'JK' hid behind a wall. He said ''If he tries anything i'll smack him'' hahaha. I couldnt see 'J'. Then 'JK' came from behind the wall. He walked over to me and sat next to me on the curb. He held my hand and told me i was better than 'J' and he was a waste of time. Then he pulled me up and kissed me again. We walked back to 'C' house holding hands. When we got there we sat next to each other on the sofa. He began to text me, so no one else knew, telling me i was pretty. Everyone knew we were texting each other though and started to make jokes haha. Then 'J' knocked on the door. We let him in and he sat next to me. Everyone was giving him greif about what he had done and told him to stop asking me to run around after him, that i was happy and didnt need him. I felt a little bit bad for him as he was alone and there was a group of about 8 people interogating him. Even 'JK' was doing it. Then 'J' looked a 'JK' sat next to me. 'JK' started rubbing my leg and said ''Think its time you left''. And he did. I felt great ! I had all these people looking after me. All these friends ! Later we all went for a walk to sobber up one of our more drunk mates lol, me and 'JK' walked behind them, talking. We were stealing kisses when the others werent looking and every so often 'JK' would give a cheeky pat on my bum and one of his beautiful smiles. When we got back to 'C' house there was just 4 of us. 'C' went to bed, our friend fell asleep on one sofa and me and 'JK' stayed up talking on the other. It was about 7am when we finally went to sleep. We fell asleep cuddling, with him holding my hand. He never let go the whole time.

I know it doesnt sound like much, but at a time i needed support, he walked with me. When i needed love, he kissed me. When i needed affection, he cuddled me. When i wanted to scream, he talked to me. And when i needed a friend he held my hand. How could a boy who showed so much love to a stranger be so sad ? He was the happiest, kindest, most loving person i have ever met. He left no note and all his friends and family are in shock. Me and 'JK' never went further than the kisses and cuddles when ever we met. He was a dear friend to me and i loved him so much, i loved him with all my heart and thats why i never let i go further i never wanted to loose him. And he never once tried to take it further. It was a love that neither of us wanted to destroy. He knew about 'D' but we never saw each other much during that time. 'JK' had a full time job so i never expected him to come. My poor, poor friend. I cant beging o explain the hurt i feel. I know it wont last long, he wouldnt want us all to feel like this. He HATED seeing people sad. So we are all trying to be strong. His family have invited all his dearest friends to the funeral next Friday as literally 100's of people wanted to go. He was a very popular boy. And i was lucky enough to be invited. I dont want to say goodbye to my friend. It still doesnt feel real. he was only 19.