Erm............hi everyone, im new here. I am a single parent to 6 children 25, twins of 22, 19, 13 and 8, 3 of my children live at home with me the other 3 live independantly. I have bipolar, BPD and other issues and my 13 yr old has severe ADHD, ODD, learning difficulties, dyslexia and severe behavioural problems and is highly medicated. I have been in 3 abusive relationships 1 after the other.
1st was for 18yrs, he physically abused me and then cheated on me with my sister
2nd was for 10yrs,he was extremely emotionaly abusive and cheated on me
3rd was for 3 yrs, he became extremely emtionaly abusive after he had left our baby and me for another woman.
I allow these people to this to me as not to be left alone, pathetic I know but true.
I have been medicated since i was 18yrs (49 now)for depression and have seen many psychiatrists but in 2008 all my help was stopped and i have been fighting ever since for access again to services such as the MHT.
I have unfortunately resorted back to self harming and obviously dont want my children to get wind of this but still the MHT refuse to help.
As well as introducing myself I wondered as to whether anyone else had had this problem as i need to resolve this for my childrens sake and for my own sake.
Please can anyone help.
Thank you
-x-
Hi cheekipixi49
Hopefully we can give you some support here, even if it is 'only' virtual.
I don't have personal experience of what you're going through, but hope that you will be able to access help very soon.
As for being in an abusive relationship, I don't actually think you realise you're living it until you're away from it. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage, but didn't see it at the time.
hi
One of the hardest things I heard from the head of a mental health team was "no amount of therapy is going to help you until you change your situation..."
oh as if I could just wave that magic wand and without help change a situation that had me so broken I felt as though I was being held together by old cellitape.
Then they withdrew any services shortly after.
Foward on. I found other types of support that I needed to help with work situation. I had to because I was more scared of the cliff that I was balancing on than the tiger who put me there. I knew I couldn't do it alone and with realising it I found some amazing people who helped and still do. And through that other support came and slowly some confidence.
I found some confidence through trying to help my children do a new activity where without realising it I was accepted in and found my feet slowly.
It took me longer to leave the abusive relationship which was and had broken me.
Then I found the freedom program on here and then I found support, and now it is on here as well.
I also found other support with mental health and dealing with flashbacks etc and not through my GP.
I also found most of the problems I thought were me, weren't. Some are mine and those I am slowly understanding and I am learning to be gentle and kind to me.
And as much as I hated the what that person at the start of this reply said, they were right, but I wish they had given me the support so I could have done it easier.
I also have found that physically doing something, excersise, dancing, walking running (or trying anyway) helps my brain to switch off for a while instead of the chuntering that it does.
So welcome to this forum. I really hope that slowly you will find the kind and wonderful person you are and learn to treat yourself as you with the gentleness you would treat your best friend x
Wow what a great post suneagle, your are so right sometimes services can be quite quick to identify problems, but not so quick at giving the solutions to those problems, but thankfully you did not give up and you found support that has worked for you.
Hi suneagle, yes star post!
I agree, it would have been good to have gotten more support, however they were so right, until we are ready to help ourselves, there is little they can do.
Hello cheekipixi49
Hello and welcome to One Space.
I am sorry to hear that you have been reaching out for help and the Mental Health Team is not offering any. What does your GP say? have you mentioned that you are self-harming? Would it be possible for you to have a CPN? (Community Psychiatric Nurse)
The relationships you mention have all been abusive (in different ways) and it is certainly true that one factor in abuse is that the victim allows it to continue.However, you have seen the pattern and now you want to look into it and to see how you can avoid this in the future. You have relaised that you did not want to be alone and this is a big thing to learn about yourself.
Did you have any help with the abuse at the time? I am thinking in particular from Women's Aid (click to see) They have supported many many women who have suffered different types of abuse and I recommend that you contact you local service (you can search for it on the website I have given you) and see what it available in your area. It could be that counselling would really help you to unravel the things that you have been through and build your self esteem (often one of the biggest after-effects of abuse is that you can be left with a very low self-image) I know that your experience of the MHT will be of them "treating" you but with counselling and working through this issue, the emphasis will be on you being proactive and seeking the help you want.
Have you heard of The Freedom Programme? We at One Space offer a free, online version of it...it is a course for those recovering from abusive relationships and has helped many people to move on. Click on the link to have a look.
Stick around and you will get some friendly support here. Don't forget that if you feel very alone, you can always phone The Samaritans, they are there 24/7. Their number is 08457 90 90 90