Hi I warn anyone due to read this i'm about to rant and ramble...so choose to read on or not.
I'm a mother of a almost 8 month old boy, beautiful wee fella. Love him beyond words.However the last few months i just feel beyond fed up.I understand being a single parent means doing EVERYTHING yourself but i don't think I ever realized how much. I keep getting my little one into a bedtime routine and then I bring him to his grandparents and it goes out the window and then i have to retrain him so to speak, AGAIN. this has happened like 4 times and it's exhausting. Because I don't let him cry it out or anything, i just hang on in until he happily falls asleep once i put him down. (Which is not happening at all with the new travel cot )
I breastfeed and because i never properly got support when i first started I don't think my LO got into a proper feeding routine EVER. So he's still feeding on demand and sometimes not much at all. Been to health visitors many times and they really didn't help. He's was only 16lb 3oz last time i think, he's a long baby but not chubby at all.I'm constant;y stressing about his weight and eating =( It's a huge stress in our lives.I barely leave the house (except for shopping or to go to parents) because he won't bf in public, he is too curious and won't stay on long. I have to take him to the bedroom and lie down with him to feed him.
I feel so bad because I've been really mean to my son lately and always feel guilty after, like none stop I'm getting no time to myself and always say stuff like "oh that's fine son i'll just stop eating dinner will that make you happy?" really don't mean to aim it at him but i have no one to aim it at if that makes sense. I think I'm resentful and I don't want to be. I love this little boy so much but fell so fed up sometimes. If i'm changing his nappy i sometimes want to cry because i've left the nappies at the other side of the room and i have to get up and i feel like i don't have the enthusiasm or energy to do so...Sounds weird maybe? things like this all the time. I just feel done! I don't know.I think weird stuff like.. I wish i was in a coma so i didn't have to move or hear anyone moan, or do anything, but could wake up rested.
I am the absolute worst when i'm at my parents and I have to do everything by myself, and they know I'm fed up and i explain how horrible i feel yet i still struggle on and they sit and watch tv or whatever. I hate someone just watching me do everything myself. If they babysit, his feeding and sleeping gets completely messed up too because he doesn't take from bottles well. So i feel like i should never have him babysat again. I just feel so fed up =( I cry on an almost daily basis now =(.also stuff myself full of junk food and chocolate which is definate comfort eating but is making me fat, messing up any confidence i ever had and making me more unhappy.
Sorry for this huge moan but it's honestly what i needed. Anyone able to give me advice on how to manage to get a permanent routine. I don't want to bottle feed, or let him cry it out , i wan't him to know i'm there andtrust that i'll come back, not learn that no matter how much he cries i won't come back.
Hi wee foggy. Welcome along. I also read things in your post, that I felt when my son was young. I had to giggle when I read yours, because my immediate thought was 'hey, that was me'. Everytime I went to eat something, he would cry for a feed, and I would end up with yet another cold dinner! I would cry and say, 'don't worry about me, I'll just starve shall I?' Like he could understand, hehe. The nappy changing too. Think we've got everything at the ready, then realise something is missing, aarrgghh. I guess we've all been there, so don't beat yourself up over it.
When you go to your parents, you say they sit and watch tv. Do you ask them to maybe hold your son, change his nappy, give him a feed? Sometimes we have do have to ask, even though we'd like others to offer. (I've learnt that one on One Space) As for the feeding, your son isn't going to hurt himself by crying. When he starts crying, don't go in straight away, leave him for a while. Get him more used to the bottle maybe, by persevering with it yourself, then it won't be so strange when he stays with your Mum. Perhaps that would help in his routine when he's not with you?
Hi.
I'm wondering if your son would perhaps take milk from a beaker? I breast fed my youngest, and was lucky as he was quite happy with a bottle. I did start giving him a beaker though from about nine months old. Just a thought, and perhaps the difference with drinking rather than suckling would help?
Hey folks, thanks very much for reading my post =) It's so relieving to know people know how i feel!
Anna-I'll try feeding him upright more often to get him used to it, then start feeding him upright in differnt rooms and see how i get one with that. Also I went to baby massage classes too, they are fab for bonding i think, Tbh I kind of drifted away from giving him massages because they didn't seem to make a difference but i tried again tonight, He fair enoyed it, not keen on the face massage though =) We came home from my mum's tonight and he was in bed at 7.40 after a massage and a story =) he woke up back of 9 but was so much more relaxed than the past week at my mum's.I go to the breastfeedingnetwork groups in my areas, Also going to start going to the library baby read thing after xmas.
Hazeleyes- Heehee I constantly ask my parents to help while i'm there. Nappies seems to be a no go unless i'm not there, but now and again if i ask them to help dress him while i get him food or vice versa they might, they usually hold him so i can get for a shower though.Just depends how they feel really.
Hazeleyes and Sparklinglime-He is so stubborn with bottes and won't take them unless really hungry and i'd i'd rather offer them for top ups. (it's really a battle of wills with him sometimes...and he always wins) I tried him with a beaker a while ago and bless him, he tried but couldn't get the hang of it. I think the beaker is worth a shot again though because he likes doing thengs himself. If i offer him babyfood on a spoon he gets quite upset or takes the spoon off me and won't give it back but if i hand him a wee slice of apple or melon he has a feild day!.I'm just a bit afraid that the milk would end up everywhere just like the baby food. Perhaps I should express a little more to make small batches for the beaker trials?
Hello Wee Froggy you are very welcome here and as you have already seen there is lots of friendly support.
It is easy to say and hard to do but try not to worry about his feeding: he will eat when he is hungry. I am with sparkling lime on the beaker thing. My eldest would not have a bottle under any circumstances, he was breastfed and went straight to one of those toddler beakers. The other little "tip" I can give you is when he is feeding and loses interest, put him down on the floor, he will soon think "Waaah! I was just enjoying my cuddle with mum, I don't like it down here!" then if he cries you pick him up again and start feeding again, he will soon get the message that he needs to "get on with it" a bit. Don't lie down, YOU are in charge. Yes, express some small amounts and when it is beaker time, use a plastic mat (the sort you put under high chairs...he could sit in a high chair for the beaker anyway)
Go back to your health visitor for some advice on weaning, as he starts eating other food it will be easier for you to give him some finger food while you sit and eat your meal. Once he gets the hang of the beaker you will be able to get out more. Get in touch with your local National Childbirth Trust group and you can meet other mums; this was my lifesaver!
How are you doing today?
Thanks very much, I am going to try him with a beaker of previously boiled water this morning to get him to oreactice and get him taking in wee bits of water too.
I will check out the national childbirth trust goup thanks =).
I'm In a great mood today, My house is upside down but i don't mind.Hope you are all well.
We are always here to talk to 
I hope the day was a good one. 
Hey, Yeah the day was good. He keeps waking up so cleaning my bombsite of a house is nearly impossible tonight. Tommorrow we have the hospital to find out what his allergy is (cows milk we think) so might stay up tonight, got the house to clean, presents to wrap and i seem to be immune to alarm clocks =). How are you all, tell me a bit about yourselves x
Hello Wee Froggy
Let us know how the hospital goes.
I am one of the moderators here and became a single parent when my boys were aged eight and three. They are now 23 and 18 so I have lots of experience! I have worked with single parents for over 11 years now. I am a counsellor and parenting facilitator and work here and elsewhere helping single parents. I am about to start a new group for parents of teenagers with a course I have designed myself.
I was wondering, if you would enjoy taking part in day to day chat with a group of us, then do please join in the Chat section here. It is not live chat, but you can post about your day and someone is always popping in to respond, we have a good laugh in there too.
Do give the National Childbirth Trust a ring too. My eldest was 11 months old when I moved here, I joined the local group and made a friend that I am still close to, over 20 years later.
Thanks very much I will check it out x
Oh yeah forgot to update. The hospital never happened =( My son went to bed and woke up everyhour until the point i went to bed at 3.30 am with him to make sure he got to sleep. Snoozed 6 alarms until my dad turn up at the door at the back of 8 in a foul mood being verabally abusive (to which he later apologized when i told him off)
So i have rescueduled .
Well hopefully the next appointment will be at a better time!
Hi Wee Froggy. Hope the hospital have re-scheduled a 'decent' time for you. Are you all sorted for Christmas? Will you be at your parents? I read your post about your bombsite, had a look around in here, and have decided my bombsite can wait!! Oh, what the heck, it'll only be covered in wrapping paper in a few days, hehe. Hope you and the baby are okay.
Dear Wee Froggy, welcome to One Space, motherhood and single parenthood all in one!! Love your name!
I recognise myself in your message very much as I am sure most of us will!
You are exhausted, feel alone and unsupported.
It sounds as though you have felt that the health visitors have not been helpful. I am wondering if you can ask them to come out and visit you, so that you can discuss your concerns and help you get into a routine with the breast feeding. Or is there a local breast feeding clinic/group that you could attend?
You need to feel that you are in control of his routine, eating and sleeping, rather than it be dictated by an 8 month old. We do have to be in tune with our babies and this is how our mother/baby relationship starts, however he doesn't know whats best for him, you do and he needs you to take control.
So if you decided you weren't going to lie down with him to feed, then he will cry as it will be a change to his routine, however if you stick to your guns, he will soon find out that the milk is still there and this is how mummy wants him to feed.
This is the beginning of you taking control, it can feel mean awkward or difficult, but it is good to learn whilst they are teeny as you need to continue asserting your authority throughout their childhood!
Recently I did a session with a baby masssage group, it was wonderful, I wish I had done something like that with my daughter (now 18!), is there anything like that in your area? Meet new people,m swap ideas?
Have a look in Local Support to see if there is anything local to you, let us know if you find anything.
What are you up to today?