Hi,
Just thought i would introduce myself, but now thinking i'v not read things properly. Im a stepmum to 2 beautiful boys and have lived with their Mum for over 6 years.
The boys have always had regular contact with their Dad however both recently announced how scared they are of going ( voicing several reasons some very worrying), and are now saying they dont want to see him at all.
Reading i seem to have little rights however am looking for ways in which to support my partner.
However i now believe the site is for single parents....Help please!! x
Hi...thanks for the reply. In the past we have had issues such as being forced to eat food they don't like but in the last few weeks the boys ( age 11 and 8) have disclosed issues which to us are truly worrying.
The main issue being the fact that both Dad and his new wife are both drinking. The weekend we picked them up, both had drank from 4pm. The youngest stated he had been told to pour the drinks too!The boys have stated they have dreaded visiting when a party may be involved.
Also during a holiday last year their Dad threatened to set the tent on fire. Both boys have stated they dont want to go again.Both boys have also disclosed they are indeed scared of him. When the eldest became upset he was called a girl and told he was just like his mother!
My partner has made attempts to discuss these issues but he refused to accept any responsibility and has called the boys liars.
Hope this sheds some light ....thanks Jx
Hmmm it sounds as if you need a more "official" line, and your partner could do with a solicitor's letter to him. Please be advised that if she wanted to stop the boys' visits he could take out a court case and it is pretty likely that he would be granted defined contact by the courts so just stopping contact is not a step to take lightly.
The drinking, however, is a cause for concern and so your partner would do well to seek some legal advice. If she does not have a solicitor, you can find one here (click) The Legal Aid system changes mean that she would almost certainly have to pay for this, though.
Hi.....thanks for the advice.We have made contact with a Solicitor, the appt being in April. i just find it difficult to get my head roud the fact the boys could be forced to stay somewhere they are unhappy with being???!!!
It is the Boys themselves who have both stated they initially did not want to stay overnight due to being scared. they then both agreed to visit for the day but days before stated they would not go!!
He sent some pretty nasty texts to the eldest boys phone and has since rang the phone but the eldest boy has refused to answer the calls stating he doesn't want to speak to him.
We have also discovered he has stated there is an axe man who lives in the radiators to the youngest boy. (we had noticed a disturbed sleep pattern months ago).
Hi janeix89 and welcome from me too. I am so sorry to read what your boys are going through.
In the first place I would try and write down everything that the boys have said and the actions that their father has taken (with dates if possible) this then gives your solicitor a clear outline of what has been going on, using facts and statements removes the emotional element, which unfortunately doesn't always necessarily get taken into account.
Are the boys visits fortnightly?
Hi Anna,
Thank you for the reply. The visits were fortnightly, however it is 6 weeks now since the boys went.
The eldest boy informed us 2 days ago he had replied by text to his Dad stating he was still very upset by what had been happening and currently didn't want to speak to him. His Dad's reply was " whatever, cya!"
We have began to keep documentation of whats gone off, but were both still really struggling as to how 2 boys could be forced to visit someone and where they seriously don't want to stay/go.
Thanks for listening Janeix89
Great, well carry on with what you are doing and sit tight for the solicitor. That must have been soooo hurtful for your eldest to get that text. Dad is clearly not listening. I am thinking that the boys will not be going to see him in the near future and you will have a clearer idea of your plan after the legal advice.
I understand that it seems really dreadful to think of them being forced to go, well you are not forcing them right now, but I did want to be honest with you and tell you about how the court system works. Now, he would not neccessarily take out a case anyway, especially as the Legal Aid system is about to change and there will be no financial help towards these types of cases. Your solicitor may suggest a way of taking control of the situation. As the boys get older their views would be more and more taken into consideration too.
Hope you can all have a good Easter, try not to worry about this too much, it is good for the boys to know they have you two 
Hi, thanks for the reply, and hoping everyone has had a good Easter!
I was just wondering if anyone knew how old the children have to be for their views to be taken into account and consideration.
I hope people aren't thinking were glad for the boys not to be seeing him, but would never want to force them into something there unhappy/ uncomfortable with!
Thanks J X
Hi janeix, welcome along. I've just been reading your posts. Horrible for the boys to be going through. It's good that both you and their mum are keeping notes etc to be shown to the solicitor.
Last year I was told that as my son was 10, he had his 'own voice' and if it ever went to court (thankfully, didn't get anywhere near that) my son would be listened to.
I don't think anyone would be thinking that you're glad the boys don't want to see their Dad. Clearly they don't like going, because of things that have happened. Neither of you are stopping them.
I do hope the boys will be listened to. Have a good Easter.
Hello again
In Scotland, the age is specified as 12. In England, the age is not specified but is flexible, but I always think that the Scottish law provides a general idea.The older the child, the more they are listened to.
We were not thinking you were trying to prevent the boys seeing their dad, you were expressing understandable concerns and wondering where you stood with the legal side. Hope you get a clearer picture from ther solicitor.
Happy Easter to you all and I bet there are a few eggs disappearing today
Hello,
Just to say thanks for all the great advice. My partner saw the Solicitor today ( i stayed with the boys), and we both now feel reassured that were not doing anything wrong.
She stated infact we had done everything in the best interests of the boys and it was now upto their Dad to try to start putting things right. ( He still won't acknowledge that the boys are upset/frightened), and again text to ask if they wanted an overnight stay!
Just thought it is also worth mentioning how scared my partner has been about the boys if anything happened to her and got some good sound advice from the Solicitor.
Thanks again for listening and some invaluable advice.
Janeix89
Glad you feel reassured, janeix89, and we are always here to talk to
Hello janeix89 and welcome along.
We do indeed support single parents who have the day to day care of the children (such as your partner) but stepfamilies are an important part of this. One of our main priorities is to help those who are caring for the children especially in matters surrounding issues which may affect them after separation (I believe that's you!)
Ok so the boys are reluctant to go and see their dad. How old are they and what reasons are they giving? It is important to distuguish between things they don't like (which can possibly be resolved) and things which might put them at risk. The first category could include things like not liking the food dad gives them and the second might be if he smacks them.
Do please share more and we can suggest a way forward