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I'm not even sure how to start this except for at the beginning I suppose but obviously cut back a bit! I was with my Ex for 20 years on and off. The on and off was always his decision in the past, a way out so he could sleep with someone else, during these periods of time which lasted between a week with his first indiscretion, to a couple of years with a different one, all these break up relationships happened during my pregnancies. During this time my confidence was so low that I felt no one else wanted me and he was the only person for me, so he always got me back as he knew I would always be there waiting for him. During these other relationships he ended up having two children by two different women. Approximately three years ago I woke up one day and literary i realised that I didn't love my Ex any more and that I knew I would be able to live without him but like with everything this is where the fight began as my Ex didn't agree with me as he still loved me and didn't want the relationship to change, only now has he come to terms with the fact that I don't want him.
My huge problem is he doesn't want to leave the family home. We have four kids together 21,17,14,12yrs and we own our house with a mortgage, because of things that have happened which I'm not getting into we have a social worker, and she doesn't want him in the home and when I said I can't make him go, she said so I will need to go with the kids, but I have no money to rent anything, as far as I know the council won't help, and because I said I have no where to go so I feel like I'm in between a rock and a hard place . the social worker seems to think I'm supporting or thinking about my ex's needs over that of my kids which is completely untrue, of course they come first. I don't know how to approach the situation anymore because my ex will not go and he said that I can go but can't take the kids :0(
hi Pigginkidz you're in a difficult position as you know. You have not gone into the details of why the social worker is involved, which is your right of course but as social workers rarely in my view get involved for little or no reason, they are clearly serious about the father not living with you and the kids.
This situation could get a whole lot worse, escalating to the point in which the social worker could go down the legal route of trying to place the youngest child or youngest children in care.
This is speculation on my part as I don't know the ins and outs of your case but I think that if you don't want things to deteriorate that you should do all in your power to cooperate with the social worker.
You definitely need them on your side, insteadof them thinking that you are prioritising the father over your children.
Ask the social worker how you can get their help to get an exclusion order to oust the father.
I did ask her as I was so upset as you can imagine and if I knew how to leave I would have done in the past on my own. The social worker said it was not up to her to tell me what to do as that would be unfair!!!!! I'm confused xx
She should not have said that as you were not asking her what to do, you were asking her help in how to get your partner to leave the house, or that is the message that she should have taken onboard. Maybe you can ask a manager of Social Work by saying that yes you want your partner to leave, but you have no idea and no means how to obtain that and can Social work arrange for an order to place him out of the house?
An alternative is emergency living in a house for abused women, where you can stay with your children, show Social work you are serious about this and are protecting your children, and get help and support from staff ? He will also not know where you are then and get some peace whilst sorting everything out. From there you will be able to get a council house
Womens aid will help you with this. You can also ask help from rights of women, www.rightsofwomen.org.uk between 7-9 pm most days apart from Friday 12noon-2 pm 020 72516577 or 020 74902562
Hi,
it's just really messy when you are sharing a house with the ex! It looks to me (having read some of your other posts as well...) that you have two separate problems her. One is the practical one of how to get him out of the house, or get yourself out of the house. But the second one is how can you be more forceful with him, and still stay safe and take care of the kids?
But start with the practical issues and get some legal advice, as Sally said above, on what your rights might be, and what you might be able to do. For example, is the house in joint ownership or tenancy? What are your rights to stay in the house? Or is there anything you can do to get him out, perhaps considering the stuff he has put you through in the past? Also talk to Womensaid, they are really good and very sensible when it come to advice. Nobody out there can tell you what to do, but at least there are some people who can give you practical advice before you start what looks like a hard fight to get your life back!
Now, not that i am plugging our own website, but have you had a look at the Freedom Prgramme here on Onespace.org.uk? It's really good for giving you a bit of thinking space, and it will make you think hard about your ex's behaviour over the last 20 yers and why he is still around after all he did to you...
I did the freedom course on here, received my certificate but not the book, I found it interesting as it was an eye opener. I tried to go to a freedom course before but I found it extremely difficult to sit through but the social worker has referred me to do a local course again
Sorry to hear that the social worker was not helpful when you asked for help, skyflower is right she should be supporting you to get him out or for you to leave. Womensaid can put you in contact with local domestic abuse services that can help you to leave or get your ex out.
Glad to hear you have completed the Freedom Programme on here, though hard going the face to face groups are really benefical.
Do give Womensaid a call!
Thank you to everyone who has replied on here so far :0) x
Hi Pigginkidz
I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this horrific situation. I was in a very similar situation with my ex. He also refused to leave the house and Social Services were involved. Social Services also said the same thing to me and suggested that I go and live with my parents. That was all well and good but sleeping on the floor in a tiny cramped house was just not ideal and my mother was having radiotherapy treatment.
I wasn't sure if you are married? If you are divorce is usually the way to get things sorted. There was no agreement between myself and the ex, over who our kids should live with (my ex went from absent working round-the-clock father to stay-at-home earth father in the blink of an eye 
).
CAFCASS were so appalled at the living arrangments, when we got to court they advised the judge to order a section 7 report, and they forced the original social worker to do it. She had to come off the fence re our living conditions, the impact it was having and what was in the best interest of the kids.
To her credit she did and armed with that a judge was able to make an order for an occupation order in my favour but only because there was more than enough evidence that my ex had money and job, so he was more than able to rehouse himself. I was also able show the judge evidence that I could pay the mortgage (in fact I had been paying it on my own. When I asked for a divorce my ex stopped paying his half but still insisted on living in the house...) He also made a complete fool of himself at the hearing.
The whole ordeal took about 7 months but when that judge made the order for my ex to leave it was swift and emphatic. I actually felt sorry for him when the judge said he couldn't go back into the house. It was the right decision. All the tension is gone. We can sleep easy in our beds. The divorce is complete.
You've been given some ace advice already. Womenaid are brilliant. I can't tell you how much they helped. They truly are angels.
Things might look bleak but they won't stay like that for long if you take any of the advice that the others have given you.
Sending you best wishes x
Hi stressball, I have got rid of all the extra posts. What a good story, thanks for sharing it, really shows that there are solutions if you keep your cool. Well done for getting such a good results, and doing it quickly too, 7 months. Maybe you should change the name to 'All the tension is gone'?!
Thanks Sergiozed
its true all the tension is gone. I'm watching telly at the minute (Peep Show - very funny). Something I dared not do when we all existed in the same house. I must admit I really appreciate my home.
Pigpinkidz
i hope you take strength from the support here. Women's aid and rights of women are helpful organisations.
That was quick stressball (7 months) Glad your home is now peaceful 
Thanks Sally W
Yes a lot of people have said that. It was 7 months for the children arrangements and 8 for the finances. 15 months from start to finish. What sped things up was my ex's unreasonable and uncooperative behaviour. He was off the charts.
He was the respondent from hell but in the end that was a gift because CAFCASS, social services, the courts were able to make quick decisions.
My solicitor was very efficient. We had a good working relationship. I got great support/advice from women's aide, family, friends, my employer. I did the opposite of my ex. I tried not say or do anything rash. I didn't make allegations that I couldn't prove. I followed the court orders. I saw a therapist to help me through the stress.
children shouldn't have to witness their parents relationship breaking down over years, whilst living in the same house. Thats cruel. I know the advice given is usually to stay in the house until things are legally sorted and that is good advice if things are relatively calm etc. if they're not and SS involved. Someone has to leave.
pigginkidz
It is really hard to make these decisions but if you decide you're ready to formally apply to have your ex removed from the house it sounds like social services will back you. That's powerful and hopefully a judge will listen.
great post, stressball 
Thank you all for your advice.
Thanks Louise if it helps I'm happy to share
pigginkidz
hang in there. For your self and your kidz. It will pass and all will be well xx
Your welcome pigginkidz, have you been able to give womensaid a call or talk to the social worker?
Great support post stressball
Hi pigginkidz
You might be interested in this information for survivors of abuse who want to stay in their home and get the perpetrator out
How is the situation right now?
Sorry it's been a while but I've had a lot going on, my ex is supposed to be moving out in a few weeks but not sure whether to believe him, the kids social worker wants me and kids out ASAP. He isn't putting any money towards the food and I'm struggling to feed the kids so I told him he's not allowed to eat indoors as I can't afford to feed him too . but he is still being horrible towards me and he has a short fuse. Not sure how long i can live under the same roof, I feel like I want to go
Hi pigginkidz, it must be a very difficult situation, did you get in touch with Shelter using the link above 'Staying in your home'?
No I haven't but I have got in contact with the one stop shop with surestart and they have given me excellent advice
Thats great, well done, what did they say?
It's a bit up in the air atm but as soon as I know something more concrete i will write back
That would be great if you could keep us in the loop pigginkidz, any information you get may help some else who reads these posts aswell.
(((Big Hug)))
Hi pigginkidz, that is a tough place to be in, you should be able to get support if you leave, the social worker is thinking of what is in the best interests of your children and should be able to support you to leave with your children if your ex won't.
What are they saying will happen if you continue to stay? You could contact our Legal Expert to see if he has any suggestions around getting your ex to leave.
There are domestic abuse agencies that can also support you to leave, you can give Womensaid a call on 0808 2000 247 they can talk you through what support is available locally to you.
I understand that this is going to be a big step for you and your going to need support to do it, you could ask the social worker to help you to leave?