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Hi everyone
For some reason I seem to have hit rock bottom tonight with the bedtimes. They haven't really done anything different or worse than normal but I seem to have completely snapped. I had to put myself on a time out!
I was looking online and found this blog called Orange Rhino which was talking about making a decision not to yell at your kids. Anyway, I had a read and I realised I pretty much only yell at my kids at bedtime!
How strange is that - there's literally no way I could fall asleep if someone was yelling at me! So why on earth am I doing something so counterprodictive? The problem is I feel like I have tried everything but maybe I haven't, maybe you guys have some advice for me??? Please!!
So here is the problem:
DS1 - 5 years old. Requires 12-13 hours of sleep and will always wake up at 6.30am regardless of what time he has gone to sleep. If he doesn't get 12-13 hours he is very difficult to handle.
DS2 - 4 years old. Requires 10 hours of sleep. Will wake up 10 hours after going to sleep regardless of the time - if not disturbed. If tired will happily go to bed, unlike DS1 who will scream "I'm not tired" in exhaustion.
They share a room. This has been a complete nightmare for the last 3 years of living in this house but we do go through periods of okayness, now is definitely not one of those times.
ATM DS1 is beside himself after school. His routine is to come home, have a snack and 30 mins rest in front of TV. Play for 1 hour, have dinner then straight into bedtime routine which is bath, story, meds, milk and bics, bed. This way I can get him to sleep at 7pm but he is very upset by the fact he doesn't feel he has enough playtime/time with me.
From 5.30-7.00 I pretty much ignore DS2 which I don't feel great about. I feel he gets the raw end of the deal for being placid. He has been staying up til 9pm then joining DS1 but we have had instances of him not going straight to sleep and waking DS1 who then won't go back to sleep for 3 hours.
So what I've recently been doing is bathing DS2 while DS1 is having stories etc. then put DS1 to bed in my bed at 7pm then doing story and milk/bics downstairs for DS2 and bringing him into his bedroom at 8pm then if he makes a noise he doesn't wake DS1.
For me mentally though it's very draining. Sometimes DS2 bangs around in his room and I can hear him downstairs. Although it doesn't wake DS1 at least I do find it really annoying and I can't relax while it's happening and keep going up to tell him to be quiet (if I don't do that he plays and doesn't seem to get tired at all!). He stops around 9pm and goes to sleep until 6.30am when he's woken by DS1 (who goes back in their room around 11pm when I go to bed).
I feel like the bedtime routine is taking hours and hours - in fact it's 3 1/2 hours but I don't know what else to do. Tonight we didn't have the bath in the interest of getting everyone to bed quicker but it totally backfired and I ended up yelling at everyone.
What do you think? Seems excessive?
Gem
x
I think you're doing a great job too.
Mine were never too good at going to bed - and still aren't but then I can leave them to it if there's no school/college.
Thanks you two.
Louise - that's what I used to do but DS2 was waking DS1 up when he was in his own room regardless of what time we went up. He just can't seem to go to sleep until he's banged about a bit which wakes DS1 up.
DS2 has to arrange his teddies in a certain way, do things with his covers, just generally prepare the area for about 30 mins! At one point we went through a good stage when DS1 was tired and we were going up at 8.30pm and he was falling straight asleep.
I am sure he will get tired in September when he starts school but meanwhile I need to persevere.
DS1 got into trouble at his after school club on Friday and then at school on Monday. His teacher took me aside and said it had been a sudden and marked change in behaviour from him. It tallies with what I have had at home.
She thinks it could be he is worried about going up to year one. He doesn't do well with change but I haven't done any prep with him on this as it's always being talked about and I just figured the covered it all in school.
The teacher says she sees a lot of different reactions and she thinks his bad behaviour is linked. I had also had my suspicions it was to do with his Dad announcing his engagement to his girlfriend. Both boys are fairly anti it and last week I had a talk with DS1 where he asked me if I was coming to the wedding and when I said probably not he started crying saying who would look after him.
Today when I picked him up from school I had some special playtime with him alone where we played with the teddies. We set up different scenarios (mostly ones involving baddy teddies trying for world domination!) but I did manage to get a couple of good ones in - one where a teddy was in reception and was going up to year one. DS1 had another teddy tell him all the plus points of year one which was good but brief of course.
Another telling scenario I set up was a Mummy and Daddy with a baby and Daddy's girlfriend getting engaged. DS1 immediately had the girlfriend leave the Daddy.
I still put him to bed in my bed but I also laid down with him which I wouldn't normally do (primarily because I fall asleep!) it was very beneficial to him but did exacerbate the problem with DS2.
So today DS1 had:
30 mins alone playtime with me (we also did a game on my phone together he's been wanting to do)
Bath, 2 stories, reading book from school, talking - about an hour in total
About an hour of lying with him.
DS2 went to his school induction today then we were at home together from 11-2.30. We ate lunch together and played a little together but mostly he played on his own but kept reporting back to me. I stayed in the same room with him throughout and did bits and bobs but always immediately gave him my attention when he spoke to me.
I have plans to restore balance tomorrow.
I have a sticker chart now and they can earn three stickers per day. In 10 days there's a school trip to Legoland and if they don't have enough stickers they can't go. I'm hoping this will encourage better behaviour but I believe it is just dealing with the symptoms not the cause so will plod on trying to get to the bottom of things and give them both my presence to calm them a bit.
Motherhood is exhausting!!
Thanks for the support
Gem
x
Yes it is exhausting, but not all the time, you sound as if you are going through a very trying period right now. And the school hols are on the horizon.....Don't worry about lying down with him, sometimes it is a case of whatever it takes.
Great idea about the teddies, that always worked a treat with my boys. I don't know what else to suggest in the meantime other than bags of reassurance for DS1, he sounds a sensitive little soul and obviously the idea of the wedding is a bridge too far for him.
Keep on keeping on and let us know how it is going 
Thanks Louise. I know these things always pass eventually!
DS1 is very sensitive but he acts the complete opposite (as demonstrated by the fact he is being rude and violent at school!) It's sometimes hard to see past the "confidence" to the sensitive soul within, but I am making it my mission now to give him lots of reassurance.
Thanks
Gem
x
Awww Good Enough Mum that is totally exhausting for you!!! 3 and a half hours a night? So when do YOU get to relax? it's always more difficult when they have to share a room.
First of all, try to stop feeling guilty, you are doing your level best. Secondly, take time out on non-school days to spend special time with each boy individually. Thirdly recognise that you are fire-fighting at the moment, ie THIS STAGE WILL NOT LAST FOREVER and as a firefighter you need to deal with the more extreme thing....that DS1 must, must, must get enough sleep otherwise it afffects the daytime of ALL of you. It is school that is making him even more tired (my Mum said when I started fulltime I used to be walking home at 3.30 saying please can I go to bed NOW?) and hopefully DS2 will also get more tired after school when he starts, do you think?
What you are doing with DS1 sounds great! It is what happens with DS2 that is worrying you. What do you feel about doing as you are doing but putting DS1 in HIS bed, then doing stories downstairs with DS2 and letting him play quietly till you know he can be safely put to bed? it's not ideal but it would give DS2 some special time with you. The main thing is for DS1 not to notice! As time goes on, you can make the time downstairs shorter and shorter, make sure you do the five minute warning thing though. You can also introduce a star chart for DS2 who gets a star if he settles straightaway when you put him into bed. Better have a chart for DS1 as well, for something else so they are both equal, maybe for settling nicely in HIS bed. Don't be afraid to alter the hands on the clock if that suits you, that used to work a treat with my eldest...ooh both the hands are pointing downwards, that means it's bath time.
Give these things a bit of thought, and see if anything appeals? But in the meantime do feel that you are doing a good job.. you are a very loving mum and the boys are very lucky