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A very close friend of mine with 3 children (4 yr old & 9 month twins) is going through hell with an alcoholic husband. She is working full time and leaving him to care for the children whilst she works. I understand that she needs the money as he is not working due to his contract ending when the babies were born but am trying to encourage her to throw him out and give up work to look after the kids herself - she really doesn't want to leave the marital home or her job but I'm trying to convince her that this really is the only option due to safety concerns for the kids with his drinking. He's usually very drunk by mid afternoon or when she returns from work but she wont throw him out for various reasons - concern for him and where he'll end up, being a full time stay at home mum, loosing her career, moving out of the "nice" house in the "nice" area. I have told her that the house WILL have to be sold if they divorce despite her wanting to stay in the family home but that she could move to a cheaper area and start her life afresh with the children. I'm also quite sure that she would be entitled to benefits until the babies are old enough to go to nursery whereby she can kick start her career again.
Does anyone know where she stands with the house, benefits etc - it seems like a mindfield online..
Thanks
Debbie
I'm so sorry she's facing this. She must be exhausted coping with it all. So glad she has you though to support her decisions.
It does take tremendous courage to take this step, and sometimes it can take time for this to build up.
Hi Debbie1973. Like the others have said, your friend is really lucky to have you looking out for her. I wish her well. No matter whether she decides to stay or leave him, I'm sure you'll be there to support her.
Hello Debbie1973
Your friend is lucky to have a good friend like you.
You are right in that researching what the alternative would involve will give her more choices.
As lone parent, if not working she is entitled to Income Support until her youngest child is seven at the moment (this is proposed to change to five in the future) If she works, she could do 16 hours per week, for example, and claim Working Tax Credit. Finding housing is a challenge but the private rented sector would enable her to rent somewhere decent and she would get some help towards the rent (depending on the rental amount and her income). There is also the possibility that she could stay in the family home, if her income will support the mortgage and a divorce settlement MAY allow her to defer payment of equity to the father until the children are older.
You friend needs to have an appointment with her local Citizen's Advice and also a solicitor. Click on the blue links to help you find these.
We also have our own confidential 1-2-1 Money Advice service, I suggest you email them by clicking on the blue link and they will be able to give you all the up to date amounts and that is a great starting point before she goes to any appointments.
Also you might like to read this, which is guide to benefits for lone parents, just to get your head round the system.