I am on the edge to lose my son because of me. I have been abused by my partner but it is so hard to move on even me. I don't understand why? I am trying my best to forget him and to contact as social services will take my only son. It was my fault that I minimize the vioenlence and lie so many times. Please give advice on how to deal with my situation. I wanna start being honest stay away from him and win my final hearing on october.
mHi thank you for your reply. Yes I am currently doing freedom course and I findit really helpful and I've read about the cognitive dissonace and it is very informative. I am currently residing on a mother and baby unit to fight for my son againts social service putting him for adoption. I have been very deceiptful during the first couple of months as I still communicate with my ex but during those times I didn't see any change regardless he knows our son is at risk to be taken away that's why now I'm done with it. I will never go back on that road I've gone thru so much with him when all I did is to love and care about him. In return he abuse my kindness. Hitting me physically like struggling me on neck punching me kicking me even when I was pregnant burn me with candle wax bit me up on my head many times that I end up with many bumps, bitting me with a bucket on my head when I was pregnant, throw away my stuff like clothes and valuables, borrow money from me and never pay back, make me mentally exhausted to the point like I'm about to lose my mind because I started screaming and crying. I know now he is going to be. Spiteful as he lose his control over me and my son. Please do give me some more advice on how to work on myself and if there are womens group that can be useful for me to court to win .
Hello keanekk, do carry on with what you are doing re the Freedom Programme, for a start. I am glad you have managed to break contact with him now. I am wondering why there is a move to adopt your son, since he is now safe with you....the reasons that they are giving for the adoption are the things you need to work on.
For example. if they think you are not coping with parenthood then it would be good to join a local toddler group and get to know other mums and also to take a parenting class. The way to find out about these is through your Health Visitor. If you do not know who this is then contact your doctor's surgery or someone who organises the mother and baby unit may know.You can also look here (click) for your local Children;s Centre and go along there and find out about what support you can get.
It may be that the authorities have said to you that you need to break contact with the father, and if so you need to let them know that you have done so.
Hi thank you for your reply. Yes I am engaging with different mum and baby groups and I am almost 60% with my freedom program. I will take your advice and let the local authority. I will have my final hearing on september 30 and I am working hard to make ssure I will get my son. My case is so complicated like now even my son is british they want me to find someone who can accommodate us because I have no recourse to public funds and its so hard not to enough support like I don't have family here.
It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation keanekk, well done for getting on with the Freedom Programme and super huge well done for staying away from ex, he sounds like a very uncaring person.
Are you finding the workers at the mother and baby unit helpful?
Are there any groups in your area for people of your nationality?
I am also wondering if you would consider joining a parenting programme as well as everything else you are doing!
Hi. Yes my situation is really not good as they are expecting me to offer thingsas basis to keep my son. I finished my freedom course online. I am wondering if you can advise some more support groups that I can join either face to face or by telephone. My area is in east london. In regards to my placement here it is good although I am escorted in everywhere I go which is sometimes I feel like I'm in a prison and never given a chance to prove myself.
Hello again, yes it must be hard to be "accompanied" everywhere!!
As far as groups and parenting courses go, your first step is to visit your Children's Centre, I gave you the link above to find yours, and they will know what is available for parents in your area.
May I ask where you are from originally, and also whether you are of a particular religion, as some support groups are for people from a particular culture.
I am from philippines and raised catholic but I don't mind attenting different groups
Do you know any groups or course for safeguarding children?
You need to contact your local Children's Centre, as above. There aren't any specific safeguarding children groups as far as I know. The people you are already in touch with are in your area and will have more knowledge about what goes on locally
I have found a support organisation for women recovering from abusive relationships and they look a really good prospect. Click here to see details
Another thing you could consider is getting in touch with this project (click) which provides mentors for women in East London though you need to stress to them the support you would like so that they could find an appropriate supporter and not someone who would give you career guidance, more emotional support at this time.
If you want to discuss something about social services and the possibility of your child going into care then contact Family Rights Group (click)
If you would like to meet other single parents in your area, then try this group (click)
There is some work for you to do in contacting all these people, and you need to research all these things we have suggested so that you can decide what would be the best support for yourself. It's important that you do the work now and build some networks that will help you through the coming weeks and months.
Thank you for that information. I am currently writing on a paper and trying to answer all social service concersns. Just to ask what do you think will I still include if their concern for longterm is safeguarding my son aside from I am separated on my sons father?
hi hun i do feel for u i hope u get everythin sorted i really do, ive bin goin thru court for last year, i got told by cafcass tht my kids aer at risk if i av anthin to do with ex again, a si kept txin him and takin him bk, he as binvery vioelent to me, and i also av indefinate non molestation order against him, we av 2 yr old dawter together but hes not alowed see er,i do understand hun, it isnt tht easy is it, my soslicter warned me if i txtx ex again care procedings will start tht scared me enuff to stop contact,he tuk me court for acess but notallowed,i av full residency of my dawter, message me bk hunx
Hi keanekk, I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question about the answers to the social services, however the Family Rights Group, that Louise mentioned above would be able to help you with this.
You might also consider contacting our Legal Expert who may be able to help.
Let us know how you get on.
I know same thing here then he will start threatening and using our son to scare me. That's I will never trust him again. I am working hard for my case itsmuch hard on me as I don't know where to live as even my son is british they don't want to house me
Good luck with all the leg-work you are doing, keankk, we have given you loads of links of organisations to contact and this will help you build up the information you need.
Hi keanekk and welcome to One Space, you have made a big step coming on here and sharing what is going on for you and looking for help. So firstly I would like to say Well Done.
I am presuming that your local domestic violence agency is working with you? Have you done any work on abuse and why it happens? Have a look at the Freedom Programme (click), you get a free book! It will help you see that the abuse that you are living through isn't extreme love and need for you by your partner but control, manipulation and deceipt.
When you have lived with abuse, you have learnt how to keep the 'one you love' happy without putting yourself first. Have a look at this article called Cognitive Dissonance, it explains it really well, actually that whole site is brilliant! Cognitive Dissonance is a scary phrase (I think) and it takes a while to understand but have a look at that article and keep reading it, it makes more sense the further down you get!
Come back and tell us what you think. We are here to support you and we can help you get through this, so please use us!
Can I check that you are currently writing down every incident you have with him, whether it is good or bad? Every text, phonecall etc with dates and times and what is said?