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hi i need a little bit of help with my 8yr old son. when he was first born i lived with my mum as i was only 20yr old and never bin around little babys before so for 2yrs of my sons life my mum helped out alot witch i was gratful for bt when my son turned 2 i moved out. my mum still had my son bout three times aweek but i started to notice she was taking over never noticed it before hand the onky thing that was a bit odd was my son only listened to my mum its only as the yeas have gone by he so naughty iv gone on to have two more boys since then and they r picking up on everything my 8yr old does he shouts at me he horrible to my other children if i tell my mum he not going to her house she wont listen tome and come and get him any way if i tell my son hes not going he rolls around on the fall he screams and shouts and hes got a lot of attidute its getting to the stage now where i just want to give up and tell my mum to keep him i no thats a horrible thing to say but i dont no what else to do any more iv tryed sending him to bed putting him in the corner on a naughty step even took his goodies off him but nothing seems to work he only at his happiest when he with my mum its like she got so much control and she overrids me what can i do thanks
hi thanks for the reply iv tryed speaking to my mum and spoke to my son bout the way he is and how he upsets me but he just laughs i do try and send time with him but he never seems happy unless its with my mum i just feel like im losing battle x
Hello and welcome from me too 
When a child is 8 it is really hard for him to understand how upset you are and what he contributes to that. So I think expecting a degree of logic from him is maybe too much. What did your mum say about the methods of discipline she uses...for example do you think he gets more of his own way with her, and also how are the other two boys with your mum?
hi he defo gets more his own way with my mum he could break a plate infront of her and she would say he didnt do it and my other boys listen to my mum but more me its just my 8yr old
Hi champs02
I actually see this problem as much more sinister than anyone else on this thread. It sounds to me like your Mum has manipulated this situation so she can turn your son against you and be the favourite one in order to feel good about herself and to control you from a distance.
But that's just my take on it based on my experience with my Mum so could be totally wrong.
Either way it is a very unhealthy situation and must be stopped immediately. You have parental responsibility not your Mother. I would insist that contact be very minimal for a few months - when i sensed this happening with my mother I changed it to once every 4 weeks - so you can work on building your relationship with your son which has obviously deteriorated.
It's tempting to think that it's just a misunderstanding or a problem that she doesn't realise she is exacerbating. I don't believe from reading your words that this is the case. For her to go against your wishes and collect him from you shows her to be more than misguided. I could be wrong of course and you will know from how she is about other things. This website helped me a lot with my Mum http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/
You also have to examine your own feelings about your Mother. Clearly you relied on her a lot from the age of 20-22. You obviously feel grateful to her and also possibly guilty that you allowed her to do so much for you. I would imagine she doesn't throw this in your face openly but there may well be implications from her that you owe her, albeit subtly, or you could just be putting that on yourself.
What matters here is your relationship with your son. If it has deteriorated at the age of 8 you must intervene and turn it around as a matter or urgency. This is much more important at the moment than pleasing your mother. No matter how exasperating it is, how difficult it is, only you can turn this around with him as she is clearly not willing to work with you on this (although she may appear to want to).
My suggestion would be to stop punishing him. I actually disagree that when you have a confused, distressed child who is being manipulated that you should persevere with punitive and isolating discipline models. Instead I would create little pockets of daily time where you can be playful together with all the boys, and, as suggested, have special time alone with him where you can have fun just the two of you and build up your relationship.
By punishing him you are merely playing into her hands and reinforcing the ideas that she is trying to instill. For example, you put him on the naughty step and it just gives him more time to think how much nicer it is at her house. The very fact that he laughs when you say how his behaviour affects you leads me to believe she speaks to him about you disparagingly or even as if you are a joke and what you say is not to be believed. (Again this will not be overt but nevertheless has gone in.)
You should also consider that he deliberately reacts in certain ways to get certain responses from you, and then reports these back to your Mum. By rising to these things you are unintentionally strengthening their bond.
i found this book really useful with improving my relationship with my kids when I realised they felt Granny was the most important person in our family http://www.playfulparenting.com/ and also this blog http://theorangerhino.com/ helped me to stop reacting to their behaviour.
I'm not clear on when she has the boys and whether she has them all at once etc. If you need her to have them because of work or whatever, I would move heaven and earth to change that so you don't need her. Perhaps your Mum can have them each in turn so she is still feeling useful and involved but everyone is getting alone time with her and no one is being favoured.
As an aside, the obvious favoritism she is showing him is very detrimental to the functioning of your little family unit. I would want to address that head on too.
Good luck with it - whether i'm right about her or not it's certainly a tricky situation to deal with.
Sending you lots of love
Gem
x
thank u so much i will give this a try u av bin a big help thanks agen x
Thanks for your input, Gem, I agree the situation does sound as if it needs urgent attention and also that punishments are not helpful in this case. I know you have been through a similar situation yourself so the voice of experience is very helpful
Hi champs02 and Welcome along to One Space.
I can empathise with the difficulty of your situation, it must be so difficult stuck in the middle like this.
Ultimately what you are going to need to do is take back the control, it will mean having a chat with your mum, you could try to find out what form of discipline she uses with your son, you could explain the difficulties your having and try to enlist her help, explaining that when she comes and takes your son it just makes the situation worst, probably easier said than done i know.
You say that you have tried several techniques, how long did you use them? it can take months for some children to respond to a discipline technique.
Some of the easiest things work best and something that i recommend is giving him lot's of praise, this can be for good behaviour, doing something well, how he looks etc.
Spending Special time with him, so that he gets your undivided attention for a set amount of time each week.
Do you talk with your son about his behaviour?
I could make other suggestions but don't want to overwhem you all at once, and it's best to start in stages rather than with a full on assault.