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On Friday just gone Social Services turned up at my dghtrs school I believe instigated by my ex wife as dghtr (12 yrs old) has been refusing to go home. Her reasons for not wanting to go home appear to be to do with ex wife and new husband doing drink/drugs and also repeated arguing/violence. Understandably 12 yr old has had enough. Ex wife turned up at the school drunk and police became involved. My dghtr has made it clear to me (in front of others) today that she didnt turn to me because ex and husband have repeatedly told her that I dont love her/care about her and she began to believe it. I have now managed to speak to Duty Social Worker as I am concerned there is a meeting on Monday that I know nothing about and want to be included in. Previously I have been frozen out by Social Services (got an apology from one of chiefs) and am concerned that this may happen again and before I blow a fuse, I want to make sure this doesnt happen a 2nd time. Can anyone offer any practical help/advice on how I handle this and what is best to do. Thanks in anticipation.
Hi Louise,
Thanks very much for that and will keep you informed. I have a contact with someone quite senior in the system and I am trying to see if any strings can be pulled/pressure applied but whilst increasingly frustrated with the system I am keeping my calm. It seems quite bizarre though that when SS investigated last year. my dghtr says she was told what to say by her mum/new husband etc. They never spoke to me/other members of ex's family or neighbours and it turns out that the neighbours (numerous) think they are the family from hell and Hsg Assoc are trying to evict them. How can you investigate thoroughly/properly when only involving pple concerned and they have told/threatened children what to say? Its hardly rocket science. These kids have been known to SS for at least a year now and been at risk because of failings in system designed to protect them. Rant/frustrations over and thanks again for help :-)
Thanks very much for that. It does frustrate me a lot how they 'investigate'. Like I said above its hardly rocket science. I appreciate there are financial constraints and manpower issues but the 'investigation' by Social Services does seem to get what result they want to achieve and that is not necessarily in the childs best interests. This is the 2nd violent relationship that my ex has taken dghter into and SS still appear blissfully ignorant about whats gone on despite me constructively trying to suggest otherwise. However, hopefully all will now start to unravel. Thanks again for the article :-)
Hope it all goes well allcharlie.
hi charlie ope ur ok,. must b awful bet u feel helpless, sounds like ur dawter shud b with u permanetlyx
Head cleared, walk turned in to more of a drive!! Did shopping and although a bit indulgent I have home made chicken curry on the go in the oven, naan bread and poppadoms to accompany and even some onion bhajis!! Its going to be a feast!! Found an email from my MP who I involved last time problems with dghtr occured and in his response he had a letter from deputy of local social services. So I have emailed deputy chief and MP's secretary. Will see what evolves. How is everybody tonight?? What is happening your end???
Hi allcharlie, it is bizarre that other people can see what is going on for your daughter but the people with the power are unable to investigate further. Contrary to popular believe, I guess their main concern is keeping a family together.
How was your curry?? It sounded great!
Good luck today, have you been to the Department?
Hi Anna, no I havent been to the department - I am being chased to get some work out and I really dont have much option. I have rang SS and emailed them - Deputy Head of Social Services - also copied to my MP - useless sod that he is!!
I take your point about keeping a family together but if the children are at risk surely not? They have not asked me, the neighbours, other members of her family? These are organisations designed to protect the children and they are not doing it. My daughter clearly stated in from of exs family that she had been told what to say when SS interviewed her. Daughters uncle (like me) stated he has thght this would end in tragedy - and it still might!!
Curry was brill though. Self indulgent but really good - time for a lean day today!!!
Take care
Quick update - at this moment we are picking my dghtr up from school 2nite and she is coming to live here until an investigation takes place!! One step closer!!!
allcharlie, that is fantastic news! Thank you for the update. She must have agreed to this. I am really pleased to hear it.
You sound pretty level headed, however don't bombard her with all the love and affection you have been dying to give her. She will need space and be feeling pretty confused I imagine.
Oh I am so pleased for you both, I hope you will be able to start to rebuild some lost ground. 
Hi Anna,
thanks for the leveller. off to pick her up from school shortly. yeah tendency would be to try and smother her with love but as I saw her Saturday and did most of that then (and saw how she reacted) then I hope I have realised to back off. The difficulty will be getting that balance between caring and smothering.
Better go and thanks again.
I think one of the most important things a parent can do is 'just chat and listen'. Let them express their views without butting in or trying to put them straight. Let them just talk, you will be surprised what they come out with.
A cup of tea and a chat on the sofa with no other interruptions, that shows them that you are interested, not judging and always have time for them.
Wishing you the best of luck with your new journey 
aw really pleased for u, xx
Great news allcharlie hope your enjoying your evening with your daughter, let us now how it all goes?
~Thanks everyone!!!! For once lost for words!!! Currently watching Eastenders (her choice) and personallly would have thgth there was enough drama in her life!! Been shopping she had few clothes (almost what she stood up in) so been and got some clothes and some food stuffs she likes. Cosy night in for two!!! Will sort out logistics of getting her to and from school long term but short term I can cover. Will keep u posted and thanks for all your concern.
From speaking to the teacher there will be a meeting wiithin 10 days to discuss her future. It seems as though there is a lot I didnt know, ex is close to eviction etc so I think ex has a very uphill battle to get dghter and other children back. Hopefully dghtr can have some stability now.
I am so very pleased for you, allcharlie
Cheers Louise. Really appreciated. I thought the last 9 years had been tough but it might be that the next 9 are equally challenging!! lol
Oh well at least now you have a group of parents to share with 
Hello..I hope I can help...I'm a formal social worker for Children and Family Services...When a child is normally under the care of social services_you should be listed as the father and your should be notfied of staffings and meetings...I would like to also add that if you are listed on the child birth record, pay child support, or taking a DNA test which as plainly stated you are the father .....getting into these meeting are alot easier...other wise you are saw as a random person who really has no legal rights
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Thanks for that advice life - what can I do if (I have parental responsibility - I am named on the birth certificate and I am paying child maintenance) - Social Services have failed to follow their procedure in not including me? Also I asked for my details ie: address to be withheld due to ex wifes husbands violent nature (he has a history of violence already told to me by Soc Servs). Soc Servs despite me asking them not to divulge my address have given it to them twice. Surely there is action that can be taken against Soc Servs as they have failed in following their own procedure and potentially put me at risk by giving out my address. Surely they have a duty of care towards me?
Can only suggest making a complaint to social services allcharlie.
Hi Sally, I have made a formal complaint to Soc Servs about their handling but as they were the ones that divulged the details they dont seem overly concerned that they have behaved poorly. Their response has been more like well we have done it now so move on. Sorry that for me is not good enough. What I would like to know is what I am entitled to and what I should expect. I dont know that they have, but based up on previous threats and experience they might have put me in a position of extreme risk.
Hi allcharlie, have you emailed our Legal Expert about this situation?
Or you might like to contact the Family Rights Group.
Hi allcharlie
You have taken the most important step and spoken to Social Services. As for the meeting on Monday, it could be a "worker meeting" that will decide on action to be taken. They are not under obligation to notify you or your daughter's mother about it, however you need to have made your representations known to that meeting. First thing Monday morning, get on the phone or better still go down there and CALMLY but assertively insist on seeing someone. If it helps, write bullet points on a piece of card but really there aren't many bullet points.....I am concerned about my daughter, I am worried she is at risk, her mum has tried to alienate her from me, I want to take care of her. End of.
Further down the line there may be a meeting about whether your daughter is "at risk" and you SHOULD be invited to this so make sure they have all your details as a relevant party.
I would recommend that you phone the Helpline of these people as they will be able to talk with you more about your rights. Good luck!