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Hi everyone
I seem to be going through my occassional low point where I question everything about my life, parenting and everything. I always need lots of time to process my feelings before feeling the need to simplify and organise myself!
Off the back of a conversation with DS1 tonight, here I am going back to the basics of parenting and trying to make sure I am doing a good enough job. I did a google search for "what kids need" and this is what came up (http://www.cyf.govt.nz/info-for-parents/the-ten-things-kids-need-most.html)
1) Meeting their everyday needs
- feeding them when they're hungry
- keeping them warm, dry and safe from danger
- helping them if they are in pain, scared or upset
- providing family routines
- making sure there is always someone you trust to look after them
2) To feel safe and secure (being trustworthy)
3) Love and hugs
4) Plenty of praise
5) Smiles
6) Talking
7) Listening
8) To learn new things
9) To take care of their feelings
10) Rewards and special treats
Having read the page I see that I suck at 4 and 10 is never linked to anything! 3 and 5 are things I have to remind myself to do. Yesterday I realised at 2pm that I hadn't touched my children once. Being down and very tired I am struggling through the days a bit atm. They're away for 2 nights from tomorrow morning so hopefully I can get a handle on things.
Does everyone else find the above very basic, obvious and easy to do? I can't believe I have to look up a list to know what to do on the parenting front!
Love Gem
x
oh I dont know if it may work for your kids, ages etc... but maybe a reward chart may help with directed praise, rewards, hugs etc :)
Thanks Sarah I really appreciate it. I'll probably write more tomorrow when I've done some journalling. I certainly do agree that the fact I am always thinking about how I am doing and trying to do better is a good thing, but reading/knowing is not the same as doing, so I am very aware of that.
Glad you found us!
x
Hey Gem,
I'm glad you find journaling helps you to reflect. Although 'reading/knowing is not the same as doing' as you correctly state, being aware that there are aspects of anything in your life that are problematic is one of the biggest steps towards putting it right. You know something doesn't feel okay - in this case with regards to your relationship(s) with your children - and the likelihood is you will now mentally keep returning to the 'problem' until you find a way to make the situation better.
Incidentally I think this is one of the most challenging times of the year to parent effectively, especially within a separated family. All the usual boundaries of school - and sometimes work - childcare, clubs/activities are altered or simply removed altogether. My daughter goes to her dad's and is left to sit on her games console for as long as she likes whilst shoving sugar in her mouth! So it is no wonder that she comes back and attempts to press all my buttons in order to get what she wants. Talking to her dad about putting/keeping certain boundaries in place is like trying to engage with a pot plant, so I have learned just to accept (there's that word again!) that it will happen and try to bear it in mind when A returns from being with him.
Have a great Sunday x
Personally, I think you're brilliant as you look into these things.
Hi Gem honey,
Firstly I think the fact that you are aware of trying to be the best parent you can be, let alone actively reserching proves tenfold that you are a good enough parent; even though you may not alway get it right {being human and all;) }, you are trying your best, and that is all we can do xx
lets face it there are a lot of parents who simply dont care, or have any involvement in their childerns life. There are always going to be stepford-wife-perfect-bake-cookies-attend-everything-fix-everything-flawlessly-unflustered-mothers {which I think struggle at times as much as the rest of us, just dont show it!} to compare ourselves to... but then also the genuninly bad abusive or non existant parents too.
It is a huge struggle to adjust to single parenthood, I felt I strugged a little when I was with my partner, now on my own, on bad days, I can struggle to get the basics covered too.
For me when I feel low I can be pretty crappy a smiling all the time, and routines can go out the window! If I invest a little in trying to make myself happy as much as possible, easier said than done sometimes! Then I find I'm a much better parent and I find it easier.
If you'd ever like to chat hun I'm here :)
Sarah x