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HELP!!!!!!
After my dramas with violent ex, going to court and him being refused access etc. I thought it was all over.... WRONG!
Two days ago I went with boyf who was having a wisdom tooth out under sedation as we came out of dentist my ex came running at me in a threatening manner demanding he sees his daughter. my boyf tried to intervene but he was heavily sedated. Security got involved and police were called but we left before they arrived as my ex said he was going to daughters school to collect her and "no one can stop him". He also made his usual threats to me.
I raced to daughters school and had somewhat of a panic attack as I wanted to take her home but they wouldnt let me, but I didnt feel she was safe there even when the community police officer agreed to patrol the school I couldnt relax it took an hour for me to leave the school and even then I patrolled the school 5 times.
As I was under MARAC police were dispatched to my address as the incident was reported both by the dental hospital and the school. They wanted me to press charges for a Public Order offence but I refused as I know ex will only get a slap on the wrist. The police have recorded the incident all the same which is good but I couldnt face court again knowing he will barely be punished.
My BIG issue is that my only concern has always been that my ex will abduct my daughter. So I asked the police officer if he takes her can I ring 999 and they will collect her immediately and they said NO!!!!!!???? As he as PR and the order I have is a "NO ORDER FOR CONTACT" and not a "NO CONTACT ORDER" (whatever the hell that means?!) If he takes her I will have to go for an emergency order at the court in order for the police to intervene!!!! I am FUMING!!!!!!
I asked how I can get the NO CONTACT ORDER but they say I will only getthat if and when there is a confirmed risk or attempt that ex will abduct my daughter?! So despite his threats, despite CAFCASS and Social Services saying he is a risk if he get my child the police will do nothing?!
They seem more concerned about my safety but surely the safety of a child is more important?! I dont get it?! I cant relax at all now my anxiety is at a peak and I think I am gonna have to go to the area he lives so he can assault me so I can get him put in prison - I know it sounds crazy but how can I live with these threats to my daughter over my head?! I need to protect my child at ANY cost.
Little angel you DO need to report this to the police, despite possibly only minor consequences for him, the police (and YOU) need to build up a picture of his behaviour on record. I can imagine it was dreadful for you yesterday.
Thanks Imdoingthis but I dont have a solicitor as i dont qualify for legal aid 
Louise I made a report to police but I didnt give a formal statement as it means going to court and I cant face it again. The officer told me that the police force have been monitoring him for a while for other things but have struggled to get anything to charge him with - Apparantly he has been intimidating his neighbours with a pitbull type dog but none of the neighbours will give a statement.
I will be happy to give a statement for him for something that will get him imprisoned which is why I feel I should let him assault me but a public order offence means the trauma of a trial when all he will get is at most probation.
My only concern is that nobody seems to be taking the risk to my daughter seriously. I think they just think I am some crazy over anxious mum (which I am) but if he takes her I dont have time to go court and stuff I will want her back immediately he could go anywhere while im in court getting an emergency order. The legal system stinks.
Hi littleangel, I am so sorry to read your post. I understand why you are saying that you feel like you want him to assault you, just so that he will go to prison, but thinking like this won't help your well being.
Is it possible to contact the MARAC team?
Hi Anna,
Im not sure yet they are going to get someone from DVU out to me but im finding it all very frustrating because they seem to only focus on the risk i am under but as a mother I care only about my child and they seem to want to 'wait' for something to happen to her before they will do something and I cant get my head around that at all. The whole thing makes me feel completely helpless and powerless where angel is concerned I cant let her out my sight and i am stressed the whole time she is at school. I have no fear of my ex anymore and he knows it so he knows there is only one way to hurt me and thats angel. I think because I am diagnosed with anxiety too they arent taking my fears as seriously as they probably think I am over - worrying (and maybe I am) but the only thing I wanted was the security of knowing I can call 999 for help if he gets her and to hear I cant do that has completely floored me! I am at a loss, getting him locked up seems the only solution to me.
You can ring 999 if you as a mother need to they will not not take your call honey so put that out your mind if you need to call then call.
I completely understand your fears about your daughter
Take care x
even if u dont want to go to court you must if u feel ur child is at risk.
its what i did#
i got a residence order and prohibited steps
didnt think i wud but u dont really need much evidence - the threat of abduction is enough.
u can apply urself , dont need a solicitor, although it costs about 250 pounds to hand in application, then u have to attend the hearing.
now i know that even if theyr are ever abducted, if doesnt return them, i can ring the police, before he could have just taken them anytime, anywhere as he has parental resposibility
Thanks guys x
I may have to do what you say chocolate but it just a bitdifficult for meat the moment as I am under mental health team because the last court hearing caused me a complete breakdown and I havent recovered yet. My psychiatrist doesnt think I am strong enough at this stage to go back court.
I have self referred to social services as they focus more on the child safety aspect I am waiting to hear what they say. They have been out in the ast but as my daughter is well cared for they always close the case but I am hoping they can go to court on my behalf or something but we will see.
Hope that social services can be of more support this time, little angel. Your child may not be at risk now but you could emphasise the possible risks to her if this is not addressed
Hi littleangel, do keep in touch with us and let us know what social services will do.
I can completely understand your fear and the day to day worry that you feel in the pit of your stomach. The situation does seem ridiculous, however it is good that you have a lot of 'professionals' in your corner at the moment and it will be seen that you are doing as much as you can to look after yourself and your child.
How is littleangel, obviously she is aware of what is going on, how is she coping?
hi little angel, ur ex bein pain yet again, hes not allowed contact yet stil giv in u grief, hope ur ok, wots gona appen now, my ex stil not allowed any sort contact with my little girl, next hearin in june, bin goinnon a year now, fed up of it, while ex as do another drug test, and cfacas lookin into wot he did to me abroad when he put me in hospital, dreadin if he gets sum contcat, cfcaass sya i cud possible b marracced again wotever the outcum, ur marraced arnt u,x
i av residency of my little girl and a non mol order stil in placex
Hi Anna, Thanks for the support. Your right about the day to day anxiety I am terrified to let poor angel out of my sight taking her to school breaks my heart everyday. There is a community support officer patrolling and his photo has been distributed to local shops and yet I still cant relax. It is sending me literally crazy. My CBT was due to start next week but because of recent events the psychiatrist has postponed it as they dont think it will have the right effect whilst I am currently classed as 'at risk'. Feel so angry at my ex it is consuming me I feel like I am being tortured and I know my possessive behaviour of angel must be having an effect on her (she ran to ice cream man from garden yesterday and I ran out and got her and went mad) I know this is somewhat irrational but I am so terrified he will snatch her i am becoming obsessive.
Angel herself does not know anything happened. I made sure police only came when she wasnt here and I havent told her anything but of course she will sense I am being strange. She starts her CBT for anxiety in weeks after the school counsellor referred her so I am hoping they can help cope witheverything. I feel guilty as hell as I know I am not helping her anxiety issues but I am completelyunable to manage my own anxiety at the moment.
Social services have not made contact yet but I will keep you updated.
Keira - yes he still at it. I am at my wits end now. I cant get restraining order as he "allegedly" does not know my address so they can only serve him with it by revealing where I live and based on his past they think disclosing my address is too risky.
I dont have residency order because I didnt realise at court that I neededto apply for one because I didnt have a solicitor. But apparantly as HE was the one who initiatiated court for an order tohave contact all the court court do was refuse his order. They could not grant an order preventing contact as I had not initiated a reuqest for one?! Wish I would have had a solicitor now it all very confusing but basically as it stands my ex is legally entitled to pick up his daughter, there is just no order in place FORCING me to give him contact. If I want to prohibit him from having contact I will have to initiate court proceedings again and just not sure I am up to it.
Hi littleangel, is your partner being supportive at the moment?
It sounds as though you are living day by day in a state of anxiety and fear and that is just not healthy for you.
I understand why you decided to not go ahead with the Public Order offence, as it almost feels humiliating when all they get is a slap on the wrist, however I wonder whether it would show him again, that you just will not stand for it. You will continue to defend your family regardless of what he does.
It also continues to build a profile on him, so when he breaks the law again (and presumably he will) then there is more evidence that shows that he needs detaining.
Would you reconsider?
Hi anna,
My boyfriend is very supportive, but I think it is taking its toll on him too now its been going on since we met - 7 years ago! He is outraged that i want to go let my ex hurt me so he can go prison, he does not understand it. My boyf sees himself as my protector and he thinks I should leave all this stress on his shoulders but I cant so we do argue a lot lately.
The public order thing, really is not an option because it will be my word against his and a trial again and i cant bear it when I know he will still be on the streets afterwards.
The police have confirmed they have a very good picture of him they are just waiting for something 'decent' to charge him with - they too want him off the streets.
Hi littleangel,
Sorry to hear about whats been going on for you lately littleangel at least the police do seem to somewhat be onside, has this made you reconsider doing the public order offence?
Are you able to spend quality time with your partner and your daughter it sounds like you could all do with a break!
Hi littleangel, surely the police could make a statement as well as they were called?
Hi guys,
Thanks sally, we are looking to book a holiday at the moment think we all need a break :o)
Anna police have taken a statement from me of what happened but I wouldnt give it as a 'formal statement' because basically that means i could be called to court and cross examined over it and dont want to go through that. The officer told me it is logged as a 'crime incident' but as it is not formal they cannot charge him.
They also have an incident log from the dental hospital as they also called the incident in to police the security gaurd has given a full statement but as he is not regarded as the victim they cant bring charges based on his statement.
My boyfriend is also refused to give a statement (of any kind) because as the police were with me he was driving about looking for my ex! but he has calmed down now and we just dont feel a formal statement is worth it but I have been told that I can contact police in future and go ahead with charges if I want, so may be in time I will...
Hi littleangel, it is good to know that you can go ahead if you changed your mind 
How are you feeling today? Is booking a holiday making you feel a little less anxious and more positive about the future?
I would call your or a solicitor ASAP and tell them what u said above to see what they recommend
Have you got a residence order for your daughter?
Hope your ok x