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So it's started already,less than 2 days since my ex said he's going to be a father again he's already cancelling visits to our buba...I woke up to find txts saying he has to cancel this visit & that visit due to appointments with his new gf..fair enough she has pregnancy appointments but he hardly sees our buba as it is so he could easily set another day for appointments! I said this would happen and it has before the baby has even arrived! we have a private visiting agreement which states he sees buba twice a month, if he continues to cancel his visits where do I stand legally. Yes he's her dad & on birth ceft so has rights but I'm not willing to let him come in out bubas life as he pleases...I didn't even reply to his messages as he has no brain so no point saying anything to him!
My lot were older, but then this did happen a lot.
My BiL wrote out a letter stating that he was to give 24 hours notice of when he WAS going to see the children.
If it wasn't convenient he had to accept it if I said no. I only ever said no once though.
While its not ideal, perhaps this would mean that you wouldn't need to think about it?
He's not going to change and perhaps it would work for him. Also it would mean that he is open to contact and "you won't let me see her" couldn't apply.
He didn't muck about after that, but The Git reduced visits though.
Ideally yes, we do want consistancy for the children. But if it isn't there, the parent with care doesn't need to be mucked about either.
If he chooses not to be in touch, it does take away stress of wondering if he'll call when planned.
You can't shut him out of her life, as he's a plonker, but you need to get things so that he's not leaving your stressed out.
I wouldn't like to shut him out, I've been more than fair even letting him stay a night so he gets to experience her morning routine, I don't know many woman that would do that ESP as he treats buba like pure crap...the 24hr thing is a great idea but wouldn't work for me as I do babysitting so obv can't just drop my plans which means I would always be saying no to his visits...I just feel that father or not he cant just drop plans with our child because it doesn't suit him. :(
Firstly you have every right to be angry yourself and on behalf of your baby but as you well know you cannot control his behaviour you can only control how you deal with it.
If he cancels dates you have planned if it is not an option to ask if another date is suitable then you will have to let it go no matter how angry you feel.
I have started a diary and everytime something comes up I am going to try and write it down and not show "the idiot" how upset I am because firstly he is not interested in how upset I am and secondly it never gets me what I want.
It has been a harsh lesson to learn that I can't control what he does now but accepting it is a journey I am going on because he is not worth making myself ill over.
Having said all that I think you do need to allow yourself all the emotions you feel over this new baby - you don't have to justify yourself on here - we understand!
You really do have a right to be angry and upset for your little one but will it change anything?
Sending you a hug and a wish that I could make it all better for you - I understand your pain
I am gutted his is having another baby, not because I care for him coz I don't, I can't stand the bloke but I'm gutted because he will show this baby more love than he shows ours! of course what he does with his baby is none of my business and I don't care but when it starts affecting OUR child I will rightly step in. I'm not the type of person to bite my tongue. I think it's a joke I was with him over two years, planned a baby then he treats buba like crap but now he has been with a woman 5 months max, having a unplanned baby and tells our kid how excited he is about it, luckily she's only little so don't have a clue. I know I have to accept that he will come and go as he pleases in our child's life and she prob won't even asocoate him being her dad he will just be a not so often visitor but I can't stand him treating buba like she's an inconvinance. Thank you for your advice I'm just so angry as I've had problems with his "parenting skills & care" since day one. So nice to meet friendly people on here :)
Hi again - I really do understand as I am also one for not biting my tongue - having said that, it really doesn't get me anywhere and leaves me more frustrated.
Perhaps you could write down your frustrations and then you can read them back to yourself and know how ridiculous he is
Letting go of him is the key to moving on - even though he is her dad - you can't make him be a good dad - you can be a good mum though and you cant overcompensate for him being a useless individual!
Oh I let go of him when I left him over a year ago :) . Writing down my thoughts is a super idea and I'm going to do that every time his is a prat, going to need a wholeeee lot of paper in that case hahaha, i guess i shouldnt be annoyed and should laugh that hes stupid enough to now ruin another poor childs & womans life....thank you and you have been so helpful, sending u loads of hugs
aah thanks - I have a big notepad to write down my thoughts! its nearly full already but very therapeutic - I have edited my post I meant to say you can't overcompensate for him being useless
Hello Tinkerbell2
How upsetting! (and as predicted)
Sadly we cannot compel the other parent to have contact. I would suggest keeping a record of cancelled contacts though, just in case there is any "you won't let me see her" business in the future. You're right, little ones need consistency