Hi!

The twins never really had a relationship with their dad (he was in and out of the family a bit from about 2 days after the home pregnancy test with the twin pregnancy) and were only 2 when we split permanently. That's limited the affect on them although for them going to a contact centre was a nightmare but not because they wanted their dad's attention (although the disruption to plans caused by him not getting to turn up which meant they didn't get to play with the toys as they were expecting did). That was a long time ago now and they don't remember. The key relationships for them are with each other, with their big brother and with me (and now also with their Grandma and Grandad who they have been able to get to see a lot more as a result of the move away from their dad).  The twins can't even cope with being in seperate schools than each other and found it had being in seperate classes when they went up to Secondary School (there was only one class per year at their Primary) but they have now got used to that. They are high functioning but being on the Autistic Spectrum need an LSA with them and go to a Secondary School which has an Autistic Unit, although they are not in the Unit but it does mean the whole school knows about Autistic Spectrum Disorders and how to teach those who have them.

My oldest had to have counselling from CAMHS to help him get over it because not only was he older but he had a good relationship with his dad at first. He's the one who's development was affected by his dad's behaviour. Nowadays although his is immature for his age I think that is how he would be anyway and he does seem to have mostly recovered from his difficult early years. He does lack self-confidence which could have its roots in that time but we're working on helping him with that. He has a toy rabbit from his dad that means a lot to him he's had since before his dad started running off, etc. He's a very gentle boy who's easily hurt and loves being helpful. He has a knack for befriending those who find making friends difficult- something he first displayed a talent for at his Special Needs Nursery by becoming friends with the child who no one else would be friends with.  

I have some practical support from my mum. The children do not meet the criteria for help from Social Services and I am waiting for the referal for help with my Autistic son's sleep to actually result in an appoinment (he is still awake at midnight even though he is only 11 and even manages  to keep his twin in the room next door, who has sleeping tablets, awake some nights- his twin, who has ADHD and Aspergers, was prescribed his sleeping tablets by CAMHS when they changed his ritalin to a long acting one, both twins have had difficulties getting to sleep for a long while and with the ADHD twin being on ritalin it meant they were able to prescribe sleeping tablets too,  but the Autistic one is not under CAMHS any more and has never been on ritalin). Emotional support is non-existent. Easter holidays: week 1: My ADHD son has 3 days in holiday club one of which both twins are in holiday club; Week 2: the Autistic one has 3 days in holiday club one of which both twins are in holiday club. The holiday club want them to have some seperate days so they will play with someone else other than just their twin and participate in the activities more instead of just being in their shared imaginary world. My oldest has a wildlife activity day arranged by his Young Carer's group- its one of 4 such days spread out through the year and he loved the first one (he likes outdoor activities). My twins' birthday is also during the easter holidays- we have a Joint Easter/Twins' Birthday Year this year . My mum and dad are away for a chunk of it which limits the amount of family days out we can have as I need my mum's support at least, and preferably my dad's too, when we go out as a family (the twins need 1 to 1 support and my oldest needs some support & more than you'd expect for a 14 year old). Favourite days out are day trips to the Isle of Wight (which we'll do in the Summer holidays), Blue Reef Aquarium in Portsmouth, and Marwell Zoo (for which we have season tickets for the boys which get a carer in free for each of them so that get myself, my mum and my dad in).  When it comes to time to myself I squeeze in a bit during the school day twice a week if there's no appointments, such as dentist appointments. Dental appoinments are 1 a week for 3 weeks twice a year (the twins have to go on seperate days from each other and from my oldest and I) and there are various other medical and school appointments, including 2 Statements of Special Educational Need with annual reviews. School holidays the best I can get is going in the kitchen and closing the door for a bit if the kids are quietly occupied (with my oldest keeping his eye out ready to call me if the twins start doing something dangerous).