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Hiya I have two children twins and I'm separated from their dad contact has been going good up untill Xmas just passed over nights started at Easter he has a nice gf who I'm not aloud to talk to alone hes constantly calling me a bad mum in front of the kids my son has to go an Mir scan next week and he said my mum is not aloud to go if she goes he will bring his gf which I have a problem with hes constantly threatening to get full custody if I don't do what he says he has broken me down I was never like this before constantly walking on egg shells I can't cope with him any more I feel like he's taken parts of me and I don't know who I am he blaming me for my sons behaviour issues I'm constantly thinking I'm not good enough for my kids I never thought he would be so cruel hes had me in tears in front of my kids hes was aggressive last month I had to tell him to step bl as he was in my face I don't know what to do anymore shall I write him a letter and tell him how he is making me feel would that stop him .? Make him realise or am I just crazy lol is this emotional abuse ? He's limited me one phone call when he has the kids and when I have them hes calling me up 3 times a week ? Can somone help xx
Some really good info here from sparkling lime, mummy2 twins.
I do think you need some legal advice too. Contact our Legal Expert(click)
From a purely technical point of view: Nobody goes into the actual scanning room with anyone. The patient is alone in there with staff controlling the actual scanner from the other side of a window.
The waiting are for this is relatively small - to bring (potentially) four people is not helpful - they might even ask that just one person stays and send the rest for coffee or something. Especially when / if it becomes apparent that all these people don't get on with each other.
Interesting point Hopeful.
mummy2twins, yes he is being emotionally abusive and it is likely he is treating his girlfriend the same way. So I would say at this point, definitely keep a diary to track everything, but other than that, ignore everything else.
I think you have probably worked really hard to keep the relationship with him amicable and working for the children, but he is harming you and it is important that you see this right away, so you can block his negative stuff from affecting you.
I agree with sparkling, writing a letter won't just make him stop. You carry on living your life, as you wish. If he frightens you or the children then you have to act on that accordingly.
Hi,
Yes he defenlty sounds emotionally abusive and that behaviour is bad for your children. Has he been like this since you known him? i would agree with anna keep a diary of everything he does and says and you can show his behaviour and how its effecting you as a mother and your children. These men must all be control freaks!
best wishes - keep chatting on hear as it really helps you with support and keeps you strong
abt x
Hi Mummy2twins,
Just wondering how the MRI went. Hope all is okay.
Gem
x
yes that is emotional abuse if it carries on over a period of time , he sounds aggressive and controlling, he finds fault with u all the time, he degrades you-
in my own experience the more i put up with it the worse it got- my ex thought 'shes a doormat' il treat her even worse and as shes not saying anything
so my advice is - dont put up with it any longer, do something, let him know his beahivour is not acceptable, be really firm and strong in front of him, cry after he leaves!, see a solicitor, go to a free legal clinic to get advice
good luck, keep us posted xxx
Hi
There's not much you can do to control his attitude, unfortunately. You can, however, to make sure that he treats you and speaks about respectively.
I doubt that you writing a letter abouit how he's making you feel would help. I know in my case, that would simply have made my ex smile... However, a letter saying how much the aggression is affecting the children is a totally different matter.
It would take a major incident for the status quo of contact to be changed. I'm sure you are a great Mum. His behaviour is trying to keep control over how you deal with things. in life.
If you want your Mother to go along for the scan, there's little he can do to stop you. If he wants to bring along his girlfriend, again, that is up to him. They both may need to wait outside, however, while the scan takes place.
As for not being allowed to talk to his girlfriend, that sounds a bit as if he's controlling her too?
This part is hard. Whenever you speak to each other, only ever discuss the children. Don't talk about you, him or his girlfriend. Everything needs to be child focused.
With regards to contact issues, including the phone calls, it may be worth seeing if mediation would help to level the playing field there. Again, in my case, the children were never allowed to contact me when they were with their father, and the phone would never be answered.
How do the children feel about speaking to him? Do they look forward to the calls?
Do keep a diary or notebook about everything that is going on.
And if he starts to talk about anything but the children, try to get the conversation back on track.
It takes tremendous strength and courage to believe in yourself. It may also take some time (it did with me).
I hope that all goes well with the MRI scan.