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Hi all :) I'm hjw, and have been a single parent now for 8 months. I have 3 wonderful children aged (nearly) 9, 4, and (nearly) 3.
My ex is being extremely difficult and i am after advice. he refuses to see the children unless 1 at a time. which i say is unacceptable. He hardly pays any maintainence (have had about £500 off him in 8 months). And now he is threatening to come and take away everything that he has paid for. Including the computer, tv, sofas, cooker, freezer, tumble drier, parts in the boiler, and beds. I am at my wits end and dont know what to do :(
Citizens advice may be able to help too with a name of a family law solicitor.
I have to say I agree about seeing all the children together (I had four). I just didn't want them having the opportunity to start the "I'm loved more than you are" thing.
Thank you :) I spoke with citizens advice and they told me not to worry about him taking things, as he wouldnt have a leg to stand on as the items were bought while he was a part of the household. They also said that I cant push him to have all 3 of them at the same time. And that if its because he cant cope then to set up visitations where he isnt alone with them. The problem is that he drinks, and trying to converse with him about this is like talking to a stubborn 3 year old.
I was also told that there arent many solicitors around here that will do legal aid.
Ah...
How do you think the children feel about going there one at a time? Does it seem to work for them?
The main thing is to make sure your children are safe.
Its good that you know he can't come and take the furniture etc.
Daft question perhaps - but does he want to see the children?
I dont think it would do the kids any good going one at a time ... I'd have to trail them 20 miles on the bus just to drop one off and bring the other 2 home :( it wouldnt be fair to them.
Not a daft question :) - He says he wants to see the children, but not on my terms. Im afraid that its my terms or not at all.
Hi hjw. That's a heck of journey, especially when you're only dropping one off, and then bringing two back. Could he not travel to you and meet somewhere?
Yes, why doesn't he do the travelling? or at least half of it?
its only one bus journey, and I dont mind going there as I always have things to get in the town. (I live way out in the sticks) But I will not do it just to drop one off and bring two back.
hi hjw welcome to hear this is a fab site to air off and get really good information people on here have really helped me but i have say i wouldnt let mine see only one at a time as i dont think it is right easy for me to say but stand your ground on that , he is trying to pull the wool over your eyes with taking stuff as he wouldnt have aleg to stand on and if he did the solic would have field day with him . but if he wants the kids then he as them all together and he should at least meet you half way in getting them . they do go funny when they leave mine as it takes 2 to make a baby but when they go they dont see that some but you should be able to get legal aid there as to be solic near you that do legal aid ? i have 2 boys and i know i wouldnt let one go without the other i dont see taht is being fair and you have to look after all 3 so he should do the same ok rant over hope you ok the links that people post are good i have used them and they have helped me
Hi hjw, ok, my initial response was that is brilliant that he is wanting to spend quality time with each of his children, I feel that absent parents should do that more often, however, this is no longer the case.
I am now reading that he is saying this, just to be awkward. Do the children want to see him? Does he only see them for a few hours or a weekend? Do have to do both journeys?
What effort is he putting in to see his children. What is his suggestion if you are not prepared to travel?
Hello hjw.
You have been separated for eight months now so things would have had chance to settle down on their own now, and they haven't.
Does he spread the contact round amongst the children so he sees all of them? Is the main reason you don't like this that you never get a break? I expect you are thinkling HUH I have to look after all three at once so why can't he?
It sounds a but ridiculous that he is threatening to take away even parts for the boiler! What is you own financial situation? If you are on Income Support then you should get Legal Aid to consult a solicitor, find one by clicking here. if you think he would be prepared to talk about this and the contact issue then consider using mediation (click here)
Do you have a proper child support agreement in place? it is good if you can agree this between yourselves but if you can't there is the Child Support Agency, see here for your options.