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Back in February I was subject to a horrific assault by an abusive partner i was trying to have a break up from. I was in hospital for 2 weeks with my injuries and he was remanded straight away. While i was incapacitated in hospital my ex (who was also abusive but not to that level of violence more emotional) went to court and got an interim residency of my 4 year old little girl. Now, social services never had any issues with me and my 9 year old son remains at home (they have different fathers - my fairytale didnt turn out I'm afraid - always beat myself up over the 2 dads thing)
However because my ex did this ex-parte (without me present) the court granted him the residency meaning i was served papers in my hospital bed and a court date to fight for her back. I was absolutely distraught and worried sick about my baby girl.
I went to court, discharging myself from hospital early (as he would not allow me any telephone calls with her I was so worried she would be wondering where i was) I represented myself (bad move I was in NO fit state and was completely confused)
The court then only allowed me to have contact Tuesday after school and overnight and Saturday day 10am-6.30pm. Which is an absolute outrage!! My daughter was crying on contacts saying I want to come home and why is XX my son allowed to come home and I'm not. It is heartbreaking. In addition now my ex who is moving to Dubai in May put an order in the remove my daughter completely out of the country to live with him in Dubai.
I am scared stiff. I'm still recovering and I havent even at this point began to process the actual attack. I thought that guy loved me although on going through the Freedom programme online I can now see that all the signs were there but I thought I'd found my fairytale.
I have since (i am really pleased to tell you) been back into court only last week and managed to stop his application to take her away and I get her back on the 22nd May when he leaves (hip hip hooray). And increased contact. I now have her 3 nights a week however I am still fighting him in court ecause he wants me to send her out to Dubai in school holidays but I am scared that he wont return her and am not agreeing with this - I hope the court see sense - he can return to the UK (surely) if he wants to see her.
I just can't believe that I have been treated this way. I was the victim of an attack. My son is now having counselling and my daughter is confused. How can a good mother be treat this way - its horrific. My ex has used this power the court granted him to continue his emotional abuse and would not allow me contact on the phone and even not allow contact days when I only had such a short time with my baby.
My faith in the court system is shot. My ex (the father of my daughter) turns out has a criminal background as long as your arm but the court granted residency without checking his background. I work in the Criminal Record Checking arena doing checks for the NHS and Early Years and I find this an absolute OUTRAGE.
They would not place a teacher, nurse or nursery nurse into post without this check but they hand over RESIDENCY. I have been on so many DV blogs and see this happening everywhere .....something MUST be done. The system is archaic. I want to lobby to have the law changed and i need supporters. I have also set up a charity called 'I want my mummy' (you can find the page on facebook)
I also would like to set up a Freedom Programme in my area Coventry, as we have nothing, so support with this would be great too.
Thanks for listening - who's with me!
Yes,the system is very conveyor belt, as you say. Emotionless and without real insight into the situation. Family Courts NEED to change, the process is utterly OUTRAGEOUS and deterimental to the children involved.
thanks for you msg, take care and please like my page the link is above.
I am hoping to turn this massive negative into a positive and if I can stop 1 more mummy going through this, it'll have been for a reason at least
xx
Hello MummyCoventry
What a terrible ordeal you have been through. I am delighted to hear that your daughter will be living with you once again on 22nd May. I would think it is unlikely that the court would agree to sending your daughter to Dubai for the holidays while she is so small, after all he can come here to see her and the choice to move has been his.
From his point of view, his daughter was living with a parent in a violent relationship and he may have thought his daughter was in danger and I understand why he took legal action in that instance. However I am with you 100% that the court system is unbelievable and needs to be changed. Children are being kept from loving parents and secure homes (with daddies as well as mummies) when allegations are thrown around and never properly investigated, you will see there are some instances on this board. Time and again we see abusive and violent parents asserting their rights not only to see the children but to see the abused parent at handover time. I agree about the conveyor belt, it is a load of tick boxes with little attempt to understand the true picture. After all, if things had been Ok with this man you would have asked him to look after your daughter while you were in hospital with no qualms! The fact that you didn't should have spoken volumes to them.
It would be great to see a Freedom Programme in your area. Have you seen our online version? (click here)
Your children have both been really upset by what has happened. Your son has a counsellor but that's hard to do for your daughter as she is so small, it is going to take a bucketload of reassurance for her to recover from this. My heart goes out to you.
Yes, I have done the online Freedom Programme - very interesting. I need a confirmation I have completed this for the court. Any ideas how I get this? I was expecting it to send me a completion email at the end however this did not happen and it took me back to the beginning.
As soon as I have both children and he's out of the way. I'm throwing a big party.
Got the confirmation earlier on completion of the Freedom programme, so you do get an email must have been delayed due to easter hols
Hi Mummy Coventry, I am glad you found the Freedom Programme interesting, I found it brilliant, such an eye opener to very obvious behaviours that I now know were certainly not unique to me!
It sounds as though you have been through a very traumatic time, thank you for sharing your story. I am very pleased to read that you are getting your daughter home with you.
So many abusive ex partners use the courts to continue to harass the other parent who has survived the abuse and courage to leave the relationship.
You might be interested in this report written by the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Domestic and Sexual Violence - Womens Access to Justice.
Thank you for this. Lets hope changes happen soon.
Hi Mummy Coventry, I am very excited to be meeting next week with a woman who has written extensively on the personal and practical support needs of women who leave abusive relationships. She has written books, articles, reports and chapters around Rebuilding Life after DV and Understanding long term outcomes.
She has expressed an interest in working with us, so I will keep you updated :)
Anna, that is absolutely fantastic news. I want to write a book, my story is long but very very intersting and would definitely help others.
Yes, please keep me posted and it always helps to know you have others support.
xx
The meeting sounds like it will be very interesting Anna, it would be great to hear what her recommendations are.
Great idea to write your own book Mummy Coventry will you be giving it ago?
I would love to, not sure where to start but looking into it.
Hoping that Anna's lady might have some tips about how to get this off the ground.
Hi Mummy Coventry, I just saw this and thought of you!
How to write about your own life
Brill...thank you
Have you had any progress with your situation Mummy Coventry?
Hi Sally,
Yes there has been some further progress. I have been to see my MP and we are now putting together an Early Day Motion to get this in front of all MPs in Parliament. This is with regards to no background checks being carried out on the father to my daughter prior to the court handing over residency.
You can follow what we are doing and please like and share my charity page on facebook I-want-my-mummy
I have also started my book.
I still cannot go to press with anything as the court case is still pending and I have now been getting calls from my ex saying he's still in love with me after horrifically attacking me like that sounds horrific really. Then in the next breath he is saying he could send someone around my house. I feel like I'm living in a film.
Please follow and support us on facebook.
Thank you
Wow Mummy Coventry you have been busy, i hope you are able to get your case heard in parliament. Glad to hear you have made a start on your own book 
The situation with your ex still sounds awful, can you not do anything legally to stop him contacting you?
How are your children coping with everything?
Yes I have a non-mol order against him so he has now breached that. He has had his cell searched and will be interviewed by the police which will of course affect his sentence now too, so not good news for him.
The children are great now, thank you for asking. My daughter is home and I have full residency. Her dad has gone off to Dubai she of course misses him and starts a new school in September so she is dealing with lots of change at the moment but shes a strong girl and will be great once everything settles down.
Her Dad left me with a £14k legal bill which is outrageous and why I am continuing this fight for other women who may not have the means or emotion to carry on the fight. He should never have had her in the first place so its disgusting he has done this. Her uni fund gone and we are now trying to rebuild not only emotionally but financially too. I'm still not back at work as struggling with day to day what with the children and the court case looming. I am hoping once all is done and dusted I can try to get back to some sort of normality. Although I fear nothing will be the same again as I'm still in shock the man I loved could do this to me.
My son has bounced back fantastically and says I knew you would get my sister back mummy - you are the best mummy in the world! - its brings a tear to my eye how well rounded and grown up he is.
I'm getting there and day by day coming to the end of a horrible ordeal but I just hope that I can make changes for other women going through a similar situation. If I even help one it will be worth it.
xx
Hi Mummy Coventry
Great to hear from you with an update. Your children sound as though they are doing really well and that is all down to you so huge pat on the back and high five!!
I think you are going to be a huge support to many women who are going through similar ordeals that yourself faced. I do hope you are looking after yourself and having some down time, pampering, gentleness?
Hi Mummy Coventry, I just want to say you are inspirational and deserve all the best that life can give. I really hope that you and your children have a great future ahead.
Best wishes
smiling mum
ps. this is my first post on this website
Nice post smiling mum and welcome to One Space.
Look forward to getting to know you
How's everything going Mummy Coventry, it's been quite a while! Hope you're all ok :)
Nice to meet you Smiling Mum :)
Welcome from me too smiling mum
Hi I tried to post another message the other day for some reason it is not showing. I would just like to say that things are going really well. I still get abuse from my daughters father but he is in Dubai now so I have made the decision to go no contact with him and asked his mother to arrange his calls when my daughter visits her.
They are not happy but eliminating the amount of negativirt makes you a happier mummy and has a positive impact on my children, so a decision I had to make. I didn't take it lightly as dad wont get much telephone contact but he made the choice to move away and my daughter is not affected in the slightest. To be honest I had to make her do the calls as she is only 4 and doesnt really get this process yet anyway, so it was causing me anguish having to fight his corner when he has been so dispicable to me.
My attacker is still on remand and has applied for bail 3 times however this was not granted and the court case in now in december due to witness intimidation. He has been calling and making threats so I also now screen my calls.
I have been through an horrific ordeal but am slowly coming out the other side and the charity is taking off. Please follow us on twitter @iwantmymummyuk or search on facebook for 'I want my mummy'. There is lots of information on this page to support mothers in custody battles and victims of domestic abuse.
I also have 24 MPs sponsoring me in the House of Parliament and have 2 early day motions going through which if get through the HOP there will be changes to the law around abusive parents getting access and visitation rights to children. This is a risk and it needs addressing asap.
I now have a public profile too and have started writing 2 books which I will update you once I am able to. I have to be careful as there is still the outstanding court case.
Thank you for your responses, it means alot to have support and I hope sharing my story has helped.
Take care x
oh and welcome smiling mum
Hi Mummy Coventry, you have been doing some amazing work!! I am so sorry to read that the guy that attacked you is still able to harass you from where he is, I am surprised the prison hasn't confiscated his mobile or put him on watch?
I am excited to read that you have started to write 2 books, you said when you first visited One Space that you wanted to, good for you!
I have had a look at your Facebook pages and Twitter, we are very proud to support you.
Wow, I'm so sorry or what you've had to go through! It sounds traumatic and horrifying!
I beleive that the courts need to spend more time listening to the parents, my ex partner has dragged me through the court system, and they seemed to work more or less in my favour, so I can't complain there. But, I did feel like they were more concerned about getting their clients through the conveyor belt system, than hearing about the situations surrounding each individual case.
Also, since having an order made or us, I've needed to get in touch with the court to inform them of some things, but trying to make that contact was almost impossible! The phone line claimed to be open, (Mon-Fri, 10am-2pm), yet the line was always engaged, at no matter what time I tried to ring! I then had to write a letter, which I sent about a month ago, and I've still not heard back since then!
I appreciate that they are probably busy, but they shouldn't offer services which they can't actually provide efficiently.
Hope things improve for you, and hope to catch up with you soon
CleverMummy xXx