Hi Everyone
I'm new obviously :) I have 2 year old twins and my husband left just over a month ago. Very isolated and so sad but I am trying my best :) Look forward to talking to everyone
xx
Hello mumtotwins
You are very welcome here. Gosh I expect you are busy with two of them to look after. Boys or girls? Is their dad still involved? Maybe you could share some more of your story and we can support you with what is going on. Have you got money and housing sorted?
Hi thanks for replying :) Well I was working full time up until last month and we had a great routine, and now I am just so lost. I am searching for a job but its not the easiest thng at the moment. They are a girl and a boy :) Their dad is coming round ever other weekend and a few evenings during the week to put them to bed. He left us for 9 months when the twins were 6 months old and I had severe post natal depression so I have coped before but I just don't know if I can do it again. Money wise I have put in my claims for benefits etc and the ex is helping as is my mother. I am still living in the rented house we shared together, but we live in Kent and all my family etc are in Scotland, I am vey very isolated here no friends etc so moving home is so tempting. I just feel overwhelmed and desperatly sad/
xx
Hello mum to twins
I am so glad you have found us!
The short answer is "You CAN do it again" but I know at the moment it might not seem like it. Glad you have put the benefit application in. One thing that people do not always do is get legal advice in the early days but we do suggest that you also make this a high priority. We have a Legal Expert here on the board and you can get some free advice by clicking here and filling in the email form
As well as all the big things, like legal advice, benefits etc, you need to get through each day the best you can. Talk about your feelings when you can but keep things positive and as calm as possible for the children, take them to local activities where you can meet other parents, it's very important to have friends.
How are you doing today?
Thank you :)
I will talk to the legal expert thats one thing I am completly clueless about! I am trying so hard not to cry around the children because my daughter is already understanding that I am upset and cuddles me :(. Today for the first time I have taken them to a toddler group and it was good I really had to push myself but they really enjoyed it. I just feel like my whole world has collapsed, I had a happy home, good job and now I've been left very vunerable and I always promised myself never to become vunerable again.
How are you today?
xx
All fine here 
A massive, giant WELL DONE for getting to the toddler group, it is so hard when you feel rubbish and yet you have already seen that you do benefit if you can manage to push yourself.
When you think about it (step outside yourself for a minute) you are dealing with a triple whammy. Loss of job, loss of relationship and loss of expectations. WOW, no wonder it is hard, you are doing brilliantly. Let us know what the Legal Expert says.
We are always here to talk to, and as for being vulnerable, I understand your horror of it but even a huge steel army tank is vulnerable....we are only human and although what you are going through is a nightmare, at our most vulnerable is when we learn and grow and I promise you will get something really good and positive out of this. So...is there something nice you can do just for yourself today?
I hope you enjoyed the toddler group. I'm so glad you went as it is good to have some company, even perhaps it might take a couple of sessions to settle.
You've had to deal with so much, but you will be ok. Easy enough for me to say that as I've been alone for a while.
Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is take babysteps, and I found not looking too far ahead helped.
I do hope you're ok.
Hi mumtotwins and welcome from me
Sounds like your still reeling from what has happened which is understandable being that it was not that long ago. Have you had any support from friends or do they not live close by?
You could contact the family information service as they can give you information on local childrens activities, childcare, and supportive agencies, pretty much anything family related really.
You can find your local Family Information Service here.
And of course we are always hear to listen and support.
Thanks for all the replies it really makes a difference knowing that someone cares enough to answer.
I don't have any friends down here and all my family are in Scotland ( I live in Kent) and my husband is living with his family over an hour away so I feel very isolated and alone.
I had an extra lock fitted to the front door which has made going to sleep alot easier. I get very panicky about someone getting into the house. I have an interview for Monday so fingers crossed!
My husband told me yesterday that he cant afford to continue paying all the bills ( rent, food, dds etc) and that I need to ask my mother for money as of this week :( Tax credits and housing benefit claims are still being processed. Its utterly humilating and I don't know what to do now.
xx
Hello mum to twins
Nice to hear from you again, sorry that things are so stressful moneywise. The twins' dad has to pay a certain percentage of his income to support the children (have a look at this calculator) and then it will be down to you to use that money and benefits you are entitled to, to manage the household budget, In the long run, this may mean reconsidering your housing options, but see what comes through on the benefits front. I think it is worth getting in touch with the landlord and explain that you have separated and are waiting for housing benefit to kick in and so the next rental payment may be late. Have a long HARD look at your regular commitments (eg direct debits) and see if there are any you can cancel, for example charity donations.
Keep getting out and about to local things with the children and this will be a good way to get to know people. Making friends takes time but making a start is the thing to do.
Great idea about the lock but it is very, very unlikely that you would be broken into: thieves will tend to go where they know there is something to take. A house on my street was broken into three times, because a bloke lived there who ran his own building business and had loads of cash in the house and used to sit in the front window counting it all very visibly! but all of the other houses have been ok
What are you doing today?
Hi
I was left in the situation where I had to claim income support and housing benefit. I used to work with the DSS, and when the inspector called to interview me, he used to be my supervisor!
I was treated with increcible kindness and understanding by all the officials I met, whether with the DSS that was or with the council.
I do understand how difficult it is, but at the end of the day this is a short term solution, which will give you a chance to hopefully catch your breath, work out your budget and move forward.
While I'm not defending your husband, I think it can come as a shock when they realise that their money has to cover two homes.
As Louise says, do go through the bank statements and see where you are able to cut back. You might find that those you contact to cancel or reduce your package (eg Sky) will come up with solutions that can save you money.
One thing about having children. It is amazing what you can deal with when you have their needs to focus on.
Hi mumtotwins
I'm sorry you're feeling isolated. I found it took a while to get into a new routine of being on my own - but then my youngest was 5...
I'm sure you're doing brilliantly establishing new routines.
Is their father seeing the children so you're able to have a bit of time for yourself?
This board is great place for some company, even if it is virtual...