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So A father txted to see how she was.....his first txt in 3 months approx, this txt convo lead to my clearly laying stuff on the line. I said how I feel he only visits to look the big caring father to his mates , his robotic around A and he has never asked 1 question about her, her likes/dislikes- places she goes, fav nursery rhyme etc, things fathers know weather they live with their child or no. ..I reminded him that children do not stay young for long and will soon be able to make up their own minds. I said if he doesnt feel comfy around her or like there isn't a connection/bond this doesn't make him a monster and it's common esp if the person doesn't see the child a lot but he must be honest with me so we can work on it....I told him its unfair I have to pay and plan days out for his visits and if all this carries on his visits will be at a contact centre as he won't be welcome around me or my house. This is his FINAL chance....his replys were short and basic as usual but he said he understands where I'm coming from and is sorry, to be honest I've heard this all before but will for one more final chance as A will always come first. I feel it's lame his onlwiggling to as questions about A now I've mentioned it, a parent shouldn't be forced to love their child, they either want to know or they don't. I feel like I'm always moaning at him but he makes it hard to like him as A means the world to me but not to him :( I'm going to see how visit goes this week and fingers crossed it goes good, I think some times u just have to be painfully honest no matter if it hurts/offends them....I'm getting to old to sugar coat everything haha
Sounds like you did a great job, Tinkerbell 2. it is possible to store the text messages (from both sides) on your PC so you have a record of how very fair you have been?
Thank you for your comment, I have given him every opportunity possible and always just feel drained by him...I've always made it clear that only A matters, not him nor myself. I would never stop visits unless she was in danger but feel this is the final straw enough is enough. Either be a father or move ontheir takes years to earn the total as a parent and he hasn't even done well in the first year of her life let alOne years to home..I'm hoping this has finally given him the kick in the bum he needed but as I said you can't force a parent to love a child, either it's there or it isn't...fingers crossed visit goes well other wise I'm sticking to my guns and keeping my word
Hello Louise, yes I have every single message going back to when she was 3 months old
Glad to hear that, I was just thinking if at any time in the future he said you were trying to stop him seeing her or was thinking of going to court, you could show that you have gone way beyond what could be reasonably expected.
It's such an exciting time in A's life now, with lots going on, so do enjoy this part of her childhood...very tiring as well, though. You should feel proud of everything you have achieved! 
So the visit went well, after a whole year he finally asked a few quick questions about A, I know he only did it because I told him he never asks anything about her. I know if I had never of mentioned it then he still wouldn't of bothered but I guess that means he's paid attention to what I've said to him. A was very clingy to me during the visit but i guess thats expected as she doesnt see on a regular basis, He was still distant and his actions with her were still very false but it's a step in the right direction, I just hope it lasts and not a one or two off- fingers crossed yet again lol I had a sneak peek at his fb profile, all his statuses leading from months back were about how much he is a great father (yes he bigges himself up lol) how he cant wait to take her out on her birthday and how he takes her here and there all the time- all total lies, he taken her out three times in almost a year and told me he's not coming to visit on her birthday....this is a great example of his falseness regarding A and his visits which he tells his friends/family but I won't let it wind me up because we both know the true, whatever helps him sleep at night I guess lol. There was also photos of him with her (which I had taken for him) and he isn't smiling in any of them, his friends had commented on there asking why he isn't smiling and that he should be as he's with his " pride of joy" I guess them pics sum up how he feels on visits.....it's a shame on his part and A's :( Let's hope he remembers what I've told him and he steps up to tje mark on Every visit
It sounds like it was a partial success, Tinkerbell2. As you say, there was some evidence that he had heard you the other day when you told him how things are.
Yes, it is definitely to be expected that A was clingy; after all, her dad is practically a stranger as far as she's concerned.
If you can try to stay away from his Fb profile. If you know he's fabricating stories about how great a dad he is, it doesn't seem that looking on there will help you. It might make you angry, but that's about it!
I agree with your comment that it is a shame for him & A. Let's hope he realises what he's missing & continues to try to bond with her.
Well done, Tinkerbell2. I love seeing how much you have grown in confidence in the time we have known you
Hi Tinkerbell2
I was wondering how you are getting on.
Is A Ok? it must be her birthday soon! Dare I ask about her sleeping? Are you still looking after your sister's little one?
Hello Louise, yes it's her bday this weekend- eek where does the time go haha
last visit went better than most but still have a long way to go...we went to the park as it was a lovely day however her father chose to sit away from us on the grass and spend most the visit texting on hos mobile, I told him exactly what I think of him (trying to act as nice as possible around A) & his parent skills and that it's been almost a year since A was born so I've accepted that he won't change and A wisee just see his visits for what they are - he agreed.
This week thou his txts to me have got over friendly and he keeps telling me what he's upto & asking what I'm up to (not A) it's all very strange.
She sleep was good for about a week but it's back to the same problems now, I think she is just one of these babies who doesn't need much sleep
Oh I hope the sleep issue will settle down as she grows, or maybe when it gets cooler for her eczema. Are you coping with the broken nights yourself?
Yes, I thought it was her birthday very soon, awwww, you mentioned ages ago about wanting a little party, is that still the plan?
I've been spending most the nights on the sofa, it's no ideal but as soon as I walk into the bedroom no matter what time she will wake up (maybe she senses me) if I'm on the sofa it stops her wanting to play as much. Although I can still hear her but not as loud, I've started bidding for a 2 bed but it's a 2 year wait approx for a house.
Yes We are having a party tomorrow :) I'm so excited, I just told her father we was having a tea party with her friends, her uncnowhere met her 4 times now (A's fathers half brother- the brothers don't get on ) and he was fishing for an invite bUt I though best not to incase he brags to A's father that he came, it wouldn't be fair so just invited my family as they are the ones who helps me look after A and I don't want my family to feel awkward as they do not like their family as they never help out with A or see her often
Her uncle has met her 4 times now
If you are in social housing, you can also look at exchanges perhaps? Swap with someone that needs to downsize due to the housing benefit changes?
Have a great party! Look forward to hearing about it after the weekend!
Aww I remember you planning the party, Tinkerbell2 and wondering about A's dad, sounds as if you have got it all sorted.
The sleep thing still sounds difficult for you and extra space would indeed help.
Look forward to a full report on the party and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your lovely buba 
I hope she has a lovely birthday
Thanks guys. Her birthday was fab, and 32 degrees what a strike of luck...she's been a bit grumpy lately (been in hospital 3 times this month with breathing problems again) but she loved being centre of attention & having loads of cuddles, can't believe she's 1 eeek x
I know, the year must have just flown by for you! I do have to tell you that the speed continues. My youngest is just about to be 18 and I am astounded....the times when they are little are such hard work and seem never-ending at the time but then whoosh, it's gone.
Can you remember back to the day you had her as if it was yesterday?
Glad the birthday went well, and lovely weather too
I remember the night/morning of her birth very well as do my family, it was a very trumatic birth which resulted in her stopping breathing an having an emergancy c-section so it will be fresh in my mind forever but mainly I remember it as the day I had my beautiful baby girl & beat all odds as I was told I'd never be able to carry a baby full term....kids are the best :)
Aww that's lovely, but I am sorry you had such a rough time. I think it would be a great idea to have a thread where we talk about the birth of our children...every time each of my boys has a birthday I think back to the day I had them. I will start a new thread in Parenting Support
Aww her birthday sounds lovely
So glad the sun shone for you and her :)
Hi Tinkerbell2,
It sounds like you laid it on the line to A's dad. It also sounds as though you have given him every opportunity to be a father to her and he hasn't made the most of it.
If it is his final chance - and good for you for putting A first and giving him one more shot at being there for her - then stick to what you've said. If he doesn't turn up or doesn't try when he does, go through with your plans to arrange visits at a contact centre in future.
Having said that, I hope the visit goes well and you don't have to go down that route. Best of luck!