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I've just had a heart to heart with my eldest daughter A. She told me that her younger sister H is punching her and swearing at her. This isn't the first time we have had this behaviour but as A had stopped talking about it I thought it wasn't a problem anymore.
I then when to speak to H who has told me she feels so angry all the time that if someone upsets her or makes her angry she "can't control herself". If she's at home she finds her sister and takes her rage out on her, when at school she hits and swears at her friends. She knows that hitting is not acceptable but she doesn't seem to be able to deal with it any other way.
I am at a loss at what to do. I already have 'special time' with her most days and give her the space to talk to me about things, sometimes she does but most of the time we talk about random things.
A was really upset tonight, she said she doesn't want to have to deal with H's anger anymore, which is totally understandable.
Any advice or suggestions would be greatly recieved.
Hello PQ, this is a tough problem, and thanks to Tinkerbell2 for your support 
The first thing to say is that when children are angry this is often because they feel frustrated because things in their life are feeling out of their control. SO have a think about what this could relate to...it may be regarding her dad or something else that is going on for her.
Secondly, have a look at this video which we have on site, it gives a lot of pointers that may help you.
I feel sure that you are doing lots of good things with your girls. One thing that I sometimes suggest is that during special time, you make sure there is plenty of physical contact, not just cuddles but also brushing her hair, massaging her feet, all nice calming things.
However, I do think they need to let their anger out in some way. Involve her in a physical activity every day, and things like gym club or karate are good (things which will help her get control of her body) When the weather is wet then take a tip from sparkling lime and put some loud music on and have your own disco!
Explain to her that people are like bottles of Coke, shake them up enough and they explode. Tell her that when she feels that angry feeling in her tummy it is like Coke bubbles wanting to burst out. Say it is not acceptable to hurt other people or to damage property. Make a special "angry place" in your house where she allowed to punch cushions or bat balloons around to get things out of her system. If she gets angry when she is out the house, eg at school, then think of something she can use to symbolise the anger, eg a pen dot on her hand and then that means she "owes" herself some minutes in the angry place at home later.
I hope these ideas have helped
Hi Louise,
H told me last night that she is very worried about her dad. He has recently started working in the prison and has told her that there are some very bad men there which concerns her.
She also talked about an incident that happened at home when my ex was still living with us, he got beaten up outside our house by some 'youths', we told her it was an unprovoked attack (which it wasn't) so H is worried this may happen again at the prison.
I will try the suggestions you have made and hope we can sort this out for her and for my eldest too.
Thanks
Ah pancake queen so her security has been shaken by all-powerful dad NOT being all powerful (not that anyone is!) so her anger is actually a sign of fear? Let us know how you get on, poor little poppet but I know full well it affects the rest of you as well and is not pleasant for her poor sister.
I suggested she talk to her dad, so I asked him to call her yesterday. They had a chat and she seems a bit happier today. I also gave her a back massage during our special time which she loved.
All we need to do is build on this and hopefully over time things will get easier.
Thanks for your support
Well we hope so, pq, you are obviously doing a great job but these things take time. Onwards and upwards!
Hello PancakeQueen, what a sad situation for you and your children, I'm no expert on this matter but will try to give as much advice as possible. Have you thought about taking your daughter to her GP? I know many people of all ages who seek help for anger issues. I'm not sure of your family background but maybe something triggered it off? A break up? loss of a loved one? School problem? It's sad she's taking it out on her sibling, as the saying goes "you hurt the ones you love the most" do you think these attacks could be a cry for help? Maybe she has some inner feelings that she needs to get off her chest but isn't sure how to by talking so expresses it in different ways . I hope you get help with this matter very soon. Best of luck x