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never posted on here before, i was with my bf for 8 months not long but i was in love. he dumped me 6 wks ago iam still upset and dont know how to pick myself up and carry on without him in my head why he dumped me is because i was having a real bad weekend with my children x3 they were being very difficult not listening, doing homework and being rude etc their dad isnt allowed to see them for the moment the children dont want to see him either , i had him texting me saying he wanted to see them and when my bf did text me that day i let rip at him saying he didnt care, love me etc and how he always too busy to think of me it was said in heat of the moment doesnt excuse my behaviour but i didnt mean it and as i asked him for an answer right away , he said to leave him alone but i just wanted an answer so he said we was over yet he stilled loved me but doesnt want to be with me??? iam so hurt and still love him i texted and called to aplogise like a million times but he says there is no way back. i suffer from depression and now everyday seems like a black cloud lingering over me i dont work (i want to just dont know what) so i have lots of time on my hands to think i dont want to feel like this but dont know how to pick myself up from this any advice would be great thanks xx
Hi nicola. Welcome along to One Space. Sorry you're going through a rough time at the moment. You say you suffer with depression. Are you taking medication? If not, perhaps a visit to the GP. Does the ex boyfriend have children of his own? I'm asking this as maybe he's finding the whole 'family' thing a bit much, especially if there are problems. How old are your children? Do you have any support from friends or family? Please keep posting, as others will be along at some point.
Hello nicola11
Welcome to One Space. You have a lot going on right now, with the children 24/7 and hassle from their dad and then what has happened with your new partner. The others have given some good suggestions:go and see your GP about the depression. You might also want to think about some counselling to help you work things through. The GP can help with this too. Sometimes there is a considerable waiting list for counselling, but they will know of any other free/low cost services locally
As for wanting to feel better after your break up, read our new article. which is called How to recover from a broken heart.
Stay with us as there is lots of support here 
Hi iam on anti depressants but they dont seem to be working well i just feel worst and when i went back to gp they wasnt very helpful apart from referring me and the children for family thearpy as my children have alot of angry inside them more so my son who has ASD i know i need to feel better in myself to deal with my children better but i have no idea how. my ex bf does have a child who lives with him so our time together was limited i understood how hard it is.
my children are 9, 8 and 6 . my family dont really understand as my parents are still together and my friends well i dont really have many just think by now i should be over him as it has been 6 wks - my friends are all in relationships. xx
Hi nicola. Six weeks is such a very short time to 'get over' someone you love. I think the first thing you need to do, is go back to the GP, there are all different sorts of antidepressants, and it doesn't sound like the one you're on is working well for you. Explain again, until the Dr really hears what you are saying. How do you feel about the referral thing? Could be a good step for the children. I know how hard it is to ask for help, but perhaps, (if you feel able to) speak to your parents, tell them how you're feeling, and maybe (if they are able to) they could take the children for a few hours a week? Keep posting, as even writing how you're feeling, and others responding, can really help. We're all here for you
Hi again nicola11
Just a thought: how would you feel about asking a friend to go to the doctor with you? I did this when I was so low and anxious that I was unable to speak. If there were two of you, you may feel more assertive! Another thing I have done is to write down some bullet points of what I wanted and just handed it to the doctor, when I felt unable to explain things out loud.
You are absolutely right, you need to feel better in yourself to be able to deal with the children so that is the starting point: looking after you.
Hi Nicola
I'm quite new on the site as well and so far have found the support really helpful. We sound to be in quite similar situations except I only have 1 child, a 12 year old boy. He doesn't see his dad now and also has anger issues. He is going to be seeing a school counsellor soon though so I'm hoping that will help. I was prescribed anti depressants but they made me ill so I'm trying St John's Wort which so far I think is helping slightly. I'm also trying to eat more fruit, drink water and exercise which are all supposed to be natural remedies for depression. I also think 6 weeks isn't a long time to get over someone. It is really a time thing. I split with my last boyfriend 16 months ago and I have only recently felt as though I'm over it so don't be too hard on yourself. I'm out of work as well at the moment and I know this definitely made it harder to get over him as I had too much thinking time! Sound like you have a lot on your plate and you should look after yourself. If the boyfriend couldn't stand by you and be understanding when things got tough then you probably deserve better anyway.
Nicola x
Hiya all thank you for replying, i dont feel the depressants are helping as i just keep crying all the time and feel like i want this guy back people say i deserve better but they understand how i feel. i dont want to feel sad and tearly all the time i want to pick myself up and be a happy person but i havent got the energy or will power to do it and i feel iam failing as a parent. when i was with my kids dad as there was violence i was glad when i finally had the courage to leave so i have never had this heartbreak pain before hence why i dont know how to over come it i know it sounds like iam wallowing in self pity i guess iam everything is too much my days seem so long and the same. at times i wish i had a magic wand to be happy and for my children not to see their mum like this. i lack self essteem and confidence which is why i want a job to build on that but am scared like hell to go for any jobs as i havent worked since my son was born nearly 10 years ago.
xx
Morning Nicola
I'm sorry you are feeling so low. This is just how I was feeeling recently, tearful and no energy or confidence. It is hard to get back into work. Are there any college courses you could do. I'm doing an IT course through Learn Direct which I'm hoping will improve my chances of finding a job and it's giving me some confidence. If you ask at the Jobcentre they should also be able to help you with advice on your CV and interview skills. All this could help your confidence when job hunting. You will recover from your broken heart. I'm way too sensitive when it comes to men and it takes me ages to get over someone but I do get there in the end! Have you any ways of meeting someone else? Maybe just going on a date or two would take your mind off him. I understand how hard it is not to dwell on things though, especially when you aren't working. You haven't failed as a parent. Children are so difficult sometimes and doing it alone can be overwhelming. You are doing your best. Keep talking on here, everyone is so supportive.
Nicola x
Hi Nicola11
Welcome to One Space. First and foremost I am sorry to hear about the break up of your recent relationship, I understand the heartache.
The pain of heartache is a natural feeling and although it can be agonising at times, this is what life and love is all about. The antidepressants probably won't hit the spot when it comes to this sort of pain, I am afraid it is something that only time and positive action can change.
You mentioned that your previous relationship was violent, have you heard of the Freedom Programme, it is a fantastic course where you meet other women who have survived abuse and violence, learn about yourself and make new friends. I highly recommend it.
I think one of the first steps is to accept that you feel low at the moment, it is great to hear that you are going to start family therapy, it sounds as though you have been through a lot and now with the future in front of you your family can grow as a unit and you can find strength within your self to be the great mother you know you can be.
I wonder if you would be interested in doing a parenting programme? I love these, there is always so much to learn especially as our children go through different stages. It is also a good place to meet new people and gain confidence, not only in your parenting skills but by supporting other people too.
You sound as though you really have hit rock bottom, however this can be seen as a good thing.....it means the only way is up!
Try and be kind to yourself, everyday do one positive, nice thing just for you, whether it is buy a magazine you like, have a bubble bath, treat yourself to a chocolate bar or your favourite food, or indulge in an afternoon film, then while you are enjoying your treat, say out loud one thing that is positive in that day, whether it was the fact the children all got to school on time, or the fact that tonight you will make your favourite supper.
Only you are in control of your destiny now, we are here to support you and I believe you will get there. Now tell me, what will be your treat for today??
Hi i have been doing an ecdl - computer course and went to learndirect and re took my maths and english finished them all before xmas and have been to the job centre i told them i want a job as im going insane at home lol but she told me only jobs going were working with children or home care help i dont want to do that i would like a job where your busy alday . i have done a parenting course triple p but because iam feeling so low all my hard work in the course isnt going well now i know what i have to do but it is just pulling myself up and i know only i can do it. i hope it doesnt take long for the family thearpy to come through i feel talking to someone who wont judge my family will be a good thing.
i take too many things to heart and just bottle my feelings up i dont want my children to be like that .
thank you everyone
xx
Hi Nicola
Well done with the ECDL and maths and english. You should be proud of yourself. It isn't easy finding a job. I had a temp job in a shop over xmas but have been out of work again since. Have you registerd with local job agencies? Sometimes they get vacancies in that haven't been advertised at the jobcentre. Also check your local council website as they often have admin jobs in schools which is what I'm trying to do so that the hours and holidays will fit in. Try not to be hard on yourself you are trying your best and doing a good job. My son has just started seeing a student counsellor at school so I'm hoping it will help with his anger.
Take care
Nicola x
Hi nicola11
Have you ever looked on Gumtree? Sometimes small businesses advertise for admin on my local one.
You have already attended one parenting course, would you consider doing it again? Or doing a slightly different one, to keep the ball rolling? Or is there another course you might be interested in doing, to raise your confidence and self belief?
Have you had a look at our online courses? You are going through a massive emotional upheaval, so please don't be hard on yourself. Baby steps and you will get through.
Hi, does anyone hav any advice as I feel like I dont know whether im comin or goin. My relationship jus ended after eight years n im devastated. Im now on my own wiv two children n one on th way. Iv left my house n everything I own cos th relationship turned violent. Now iv jus found out hes got another lass on th go which has thrown me. Im havn to start from scratch n hav no idea where to begin x
Hello kirstybellx. Well done on leaving the abusive relationship. That in itself took guts, so you should feel proud of yourself. I know that even, like you say, it was violent, that doesn't stop you still having feelings, so of course it has thrown you that he is with someone else. You however were strong enough to get out, so keep telling yourself that you did the right thing for you and your children. Where are you living at the moment? Are you claiming benefits or are you working?
You have done the right thing leaving a violent relationship. It does take tremendous courage to do this.
Was the house yours? Are you paying a mortgage? There are things that are advisable to do straight away with regards to this... And strangely enough, focusing on things you need to do for the safety of your children and you are what will get you through this.
I lost everything after 20-years of marriage. We had to start again, and I wouldn't change a thing... You quickly realise that a house is bricks and mortar and things you leave CAN in time be replaced. It's you and the children that make it home.
Hi kistybellx
Do get in touch with Women's Aid straightaway, they can help you after you leave a violent relationship. There is other support available later on but the main thing is to get the practical details sorted out.
Hi iv only jus been able to find th comment I made on here. Th house is in my name, its a private rented house. I dont feel good that I left now, I feel like iv pushed him into th arms of this girl. I no that sounds silly but he said none of this would hav happened if I didnt leave. Wat hurts is im tryin to rebuild my life for our kids n I meant that little to him he got wiv sumone else only a wk after I left. Even tho it was violent at times, th eight yrs we were together meant sumthing to me cos we had great times too, n thats what im struggling to see past. I know hes gna suck this lass in wiv 5 or 6 months if his best behaviour before it starts so I no hes gna do th same to her as he has wiv me, n shes got a child n
I dont know wether to feel angry at her or warn her
I think it would be very difficult to warn her as she wouldn't see it as a warning...
If you can, contact the landlord - or perhaps Women's Aid can help with this - to let them know that you have had to leave. The Landlord does need to be aware of this if it is in your name...
You can't worry about her. Focus on you and your children, and accept all the help you can at the mo from those you trust and from women's aid.
Hi there kirstybellx
It is so tough when you have all these emotions and thoughts running around your head, with small children to raise too.
Your ex's new girlfriend will soon find out what he is like. I know it hurts, but hopefully she will see sooner rather than later.
I used to think that my ex's new girlfriend must be wonderful, to be able to handle him and perfect because he treated her so well, I was consumed with jealousy, but then I met her and she was pretty, intelligent and young, then I felt awful, I felt I needed to warn her, only to find out that she had already called the police on him and they didn't stay together after that. So actually she was a cool cookie who could handle herself.
I still remember the good times my ex and I shared, but now, after much soul searching and see my daughter blossom without him, I know that leaving him was the best thing I could do for the both of us.
You say you don't know whether to feel angry at new girlfriend or to warn her. Be angry with him and tell yourself, whenever you feel weak towards him, all the things you would be warning her about.
Hi kirstybellex. Understandably you're angry, and rightfully so, but your anger should be directed at him rather than this new woman. Keep remembering all the wrong he has done you, and I think from your anger, you will become stronger. A word of warning though, don't let the anger eat you up for too long!
Hi nicola11
Welcome to one space, you will find that everyone on here is lovely and will offer you support and advice. Not too many people on at this time but they will answer you tomorrow.
I`m sorry you are having a hard time at the moment, I havent been in your position so wont say I know how you feel, others I am sure will have and will give you great advice.
I just wanted to say hello and send you a friendly hug xxx