I am 6 months pregnant, me and my husband split up just after i found out i was pregnant. he never asks me how the pregnancy is going or about any appointments i have had. I have gone to all my appointments on my own. I don't know anyone who went through pregnancy on their own and i am finding it really hard.
There is so much to sort out in terms of the house and money but it always ends in him calling me names and being nasty, this makes me become really distressed and I worry how that will affect the baby so i don't contact him now although financially I am really struggling but he wont give me any money anyway and he is living in the house.
I don't know how I tell him the baby has been born, the other problem is I have in my own mind choose the names I would like and he doesn't like them, i feel as i have done the whole pregnancy alone he shouldn't be able to stop me using the names i love for the baby but on the other hand it is his baby am i just being mean? He has never spoken to me about the baby or names or anything and doesn't ask about the future and when the baby comes. Do i just text him when the baby is born with the gender and name, i'm reluctant to call as I know it will turn into a row and do not want a row right after I have given birth or should I call and then try and discuss names. I have no idea how it works an its on my mind loads and stressing me more and more as time goes on. Has anyone been or is in a similar situation who could give me some advice on what to do?
Hi henny. Welcome along, and congratulations on the pregnancy. I haven't been in your situation, well, not with a husband anyway. I did the pregnancy bit on my own, with support from my mum. I didn't include the father on what names etc, as he wasn't interested anyway, so it really didn't involve him at all.
Not quite sure really on what you should do. Regarding the name, there is no law to say that you have to include the partner/hubby etc. As he has shown no interest, I personally wouldn't ask him for opinions. The birth. If you aren't comfortable in speaking to him after you've given birth, then a text surely would be okay. Has he mentioned being at the birth? How would you feel if he wanted to be there? Of course, it is totally up to you who you have.
he wouldn't want to be there when i told him i was pregnant we were still together and he said not to expect him to be at the birth as it was disgusting, I really wouldn't want him there now as he has been so horrible, I've asked my mum to be with me for that. does it get any better?
My sister and mother was at my daughters birth with me and I went thou the pregnancy alone with slight contact with father, I chose my daughters name and she has my sur name. Her father visits but we have no contact between any more and he asks no questions about her when I see him, I make all the choices as he's not intreasted, once buba is here everything will fall into place aniron time it will get easier, having a new born on your hands you won't have time to worry about anything else :)
Hi again henny. I'm glad you'll have your mum with you. How would she and you of course feel about her ringing him once the baby is born? Are you still living in the house? Is it in both your names? To be honest, I wouldn't know how to answer the questions regarding house etc, but other members will be able to.
As for does it get any better. I would say, once you've sorted things out in terms of the house, money etc, then yes, things will get better for you. Do you think once the baby is born, your ex will want contact, or is he just not interested whatsoever?
Just re-read your original post henny. If you're living seperate from him, then are you claiming benefit?
no I have a job so don't think I will get anything. The house is in both our names but I'll have to go to a solicitor I think to get the money out the house he wont give me any. He wont sell and can't afford to buy me out, he says he will keep it as he always earned more than me I am on a low income but I always paid half the mortgage payment even when it left me with almost nothing coz I didn't pay the bills and stuff he says he is keeping it. I can't live there as I moved away from home to be with him the house is too far away from my family and friends and need them more than ever now so moved back to my home town.
Well, Henny, you can do this!
I wouldn't consult him in the naming of the baby, and a text just telling him sounds fine to me.
I would, however, go to a solicitor to see that you get your share out of the house. A marriage is not 'i pay for this and you pay for that'. Also, I dare say you did most of the housework and cooking etc. Did he pay you for that - I think not! Louise or Anna or Sally will surely put up a link for the legal experts, so at least you can get some advise.
It will get easier, because you are achieving lots of things you'll gain confidence and you'll be fine! :)
xx
henny, this is the link for legal advice. here It's completely confidential, and hopefully you'll hear back from them in a few days.
Ah, you're so organised, Hazeleyes! I still can't do hyperlinks on here!
come on then hazeleyes - give us all a lesson in hyperlinks!
Oh my goodness ladies, I will do my best to explain it, but could go wrong, hehe.
First thing to do is find the link that you want, and click on it. When the page comes up, copy it. Go back to the page where you want the link to go, like I did in hennys. I then type the word here, and highlight it. Click on the symbol that is five spaces from the left (it's bluish) A box will open. In the top part, right click to post it, then go to the next box, and click on 'post in new window, and hey presto, it's done.
Sorry, not a great explanation, but trying to remember as I went along. Perhaps Louise can explain hopefully tomorrow. Try my explanation anyway, and see how you get on.
henny, sorry for disrupting your thread 
No probs any it advice is also good as am so rubbish on computers thanks to everyones reply's the support is appreciated x x
No probs any it advice is also good as am so rubbish on computers thanks to everyones reply's the support is appreciated x x
Henny, I am sorry, too. I've started a test-thread.
I hope you get your dilemma sorted! By the way, I had all my children without their father present and that was just how I liked it. :-)
sorry hijacking your thread - i was so excited i didn't look for the test thread!
I would also go to Citizens Advice for help too about what you might be entitled to - you can't make him be interested and it is really up to him to contact you if he wants information.
I am struggling with my ex about this very subject - he expects me to spoon feed him the info about his kids but he never bothers to ask about their wellbeing - he sees them every week and talks to them but it is his responsibility to ask for information - if there was a serious problem with health or anything of course i would tell him but he wanted me to do everything for him when we were together - i am certainly not doing it all for him now he is no longer here!
Hi henny. Remember reading that you said about being on a low income. Take a look at this, and have a read through. It's maternity grants, here and what you're entitled to. Hope this helps. x
Hi henny
You are welcome here
You have already been given the link for some legal advice. The financial settlement is usually part of the divorce.
You can also sort out your day-to-day finances with the help of our Money Expert. Tell them about your job situation, your pay and what maternity leave you are intending to take and they will recommend what to do next.
The original question you asked was about how to tell the father. For me, it depends on how comfortable you feel speaking to him...there is a case for just asking your mum to contact him. In fact while you are feeling vulnerable in the time immediately after the birth you could ask your Mum to proteect you from any rows/nastiness. I would say that you could choose the names yourself. What a shame he has shown no interest during the pregnancy...do you think he will also feel this about the baby once it arrives?
Hi henny, I wanted to pop in and say 'hi' and welcome from me too!
You have a lot on your plate right now. Please get some legal advice as soon as possible, that is essential.
You have already been given some links by the others, so please use them. We are here and looking forward to supporting you through your divorce, your pregnancy (thats exciting!) and housing etc.
Let us know what the solicitor says
Is it worth even telling him the baby has been born if he has shown no intreast or helped you/baby money wise?