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hi. I have never done anything like this before but i hope that it will be a way of speaking to others who may be a similar situation to me. With out going into too much detail as its too painful heres My story: Weds July 2nd began as a normal morning. Rushing about getting ready for school and work. Kissed goodbye to my partner at 8.30 and off we all went. By 11.00 I was in A&E being told my life was changed forever. He had gone to work, collapsed and died. All within 2 hours of our goodbye. 30 years together and 2 children. I now find i am alone parent with a scarey world ahead. We never married (never afforded it) He had no life insurance. All that was left was his final months salary for us to live on. I have applied for benefits (housing and tax credits) as I only work part time. The awards are in, and I find that once i have paid the rent i have to pay and the council tax i have to pay, I will only be an extra £25.00 per month better off on top of my wage which has to cover all other bills and living costs. I dont know how i am going to do this. My heart has broken, my kids hearts are broken and now I dont know how I am going to keep our lives going. Anyone else had a similar situation and can tell me how to get through it? thankyou
I have just thought of the Turn2Us Grants search (click), do have a look on there, all you need to do is fill in your postcode and your age, then you are given a list of grants in your area and then on the left hand side there is a filter where you can request information on grants that would be relevant to your situation.
I am hoping that there may be something there to help you through this time, do let us know. 
Thankyou Anna for your message. I have been in contact with Cruse and they advised to speak to bereavement advice service which I did. They confirmed everything I already knew really about benefits. The only other entitlement I could apply for is a funeral grant of upto 700 but you have to pay it back. Considering I cut back the funeral arrangements as much as possible, it still came to 2400 so although the 700( if I got it) would make a small difference I'd end up owing 2 lots of people rather than 1. The council have reduced the council tax bill to account for change but because the bill has to be paid by end of march, and the past 2 haven't been paid because his salary wasn't going in,the instalments are higher. They've said they based it using 'working age' formula whatever that is. Anyway I have an apt with my local cab on weds to see if they can help me. I emailed Turn2us 4 days ago but had no reply. I can't ring because every time I have to verbally tell my story I end up blubbering! I can't believe that in these modern times that you can't get the same financial help as married couple or civil partnership couple. it should be decided on individual cases. I have financial and housing records proving the length of time of our relationship. I feel like they are just making our relationship of 30 yrs insignificant. Some marriages don't last that long. I am trying to stay strong and positive for our children but have had to resort to a helping hand from the Dr now. it's nice to know someone is out there. Thankyou xx
Hi purple,
I only can imagine what a devastating time you are having, such an incredible shock to have to hear your partner of 30 years is just gone and on top of that, you might not have any rights, I am so sorry you have to go through this....how old are your children and how are they coping ?
I am so glad Anna has come up with these Grants and other supports, have you tried it and was it helpful ?
This website is very supportive and everyone is helping each other cope, I hope we can give you some comfort in thinking with you when you need it ...
So glad you have an appointment with the CAB, they will check all your entitlements, I so feel for you, that you feel that your relationship has been made insignificant just because you don't have that piece of paper, and that you have to sort all these things out, whilst you are in deep mourning, is there no one in your family that could help you sort out things? It is so much to cope with
Thankyou so much skyflower. It's nice to feel there's someone there. Don't get me wrong, I have some wonderful friends and family but sometimes it's hard to express how I am really as they worry and I don't want to put that on them. My daughter turned 19 a week after he died and my son is 9. My daughter was with me when I.was told he'd gone. But I had to go to my son's school and tell him there that his dad, who he'd seen a few hrs ago, had died. Broke my heart. They both have been affected in different ways. She gets up set and worries about me. He tends to bottle it up, gets angry at every one and everything, then might cry. I am looking into bereavement counselling for them and then me. Just to give them independent support apart from me. It's been hard as it all happened right before the summer holidays. The school was great with my son for the few days he went in before breakup so I'm hoping that it will continue when he returns next wk. For the past 6 wks we've been in a bubble, next wk the bubble pops and we have to resume some kind of normality and to be honest, I'm scared. But have to face it, it's our life now x
I have received so much support from wonderful friends and family. But they have lives to get on with and commitments to keep. Although my life changed, theirs hasn't. I took all my strength from their support at the beginning. Even people I didn't know like his work colleagues. He died at work really you see, they just tried for nearly an hr to resuscitate him in hospital. my family aren't rich and my mum already covered the cost of the wake for me else there wouldn't have been one. Besides, this is my future now and I need to be able to financially support my children as well as emotionally indefinitely. X
I am so glad you have received so much support, of course it shocked everyone, it was so very unexpected, but it is you and your children left behind and people slowly do get on with their lives, eventually. I still hope you can keep counting on them because of the way it happened, it can take a long time to give it a place and for all of you to be able to come to terms with it, to make some sense of it. You just have to take the time you need....all of you.
How hard to have to go to the school and your son is still so very little, but also so very hard on your daughter. I am glad you were together, when you heard. It is so understandable your son is going through so many emotions, but it is so much better if he can get it all out. A very good idea, the counselling for all of you, it has been such a big shock and you could never see it coming. As your daughter is that bit older she will worry about you and maybe push her own feelings aside until she can see you are doing a bit better.
It is a terrible thing that you are left behind with hardly any entitlements and have to worry about that on top of it all. I so hope that the CAB can do something for you, it is so dishonest that just because you have no civil partnership, there are hardly any entitlements, especially as you still have a depending child. Please let us know how you are doing, of course you are scared, as this is such an insecure situation and you should not have to cope with all this right now,
((((big hug)))) xx
One day at a time, purple, or even one hour at a time. Please let us know how you get on at CAB and don't hesitate to use the Samaritans if you need someone to talk to as they are available 24 hours a day, 08457 909090. There is lots of friendly support on here, too.
What are you doing over the weekend? Does your son go back to school on Tuesday?
Hi Louise. Thankyou for your message. Taking a day at a time is all I can do. Weekends are harder because that's when he would have been around more. Unsure what today holds as yet. Have normal mundane jobs to do like the shopping etc. The rest is adhoc really. normal weekend things don't exist anymore. My son returns on weds and I am back on Thurs (I do school hrs you see) so I am hoping that once the initial stress of returning to school has passed, we will find our own normality and thatl help us move forward. I too hope that the CAB will be helpful or at least help me to know I have done everything I can to make our future secure. it'll never be the same only different. X
Skyflower.... Thankyou for the hug. It means alot to know that there are lovely people out there. Xx
I was just thinking purple, have you notified tax credit / work credit people as you might be entitled to it being a single parent ? don't know much about it but a friends daughter had to only work 16 hours a week to get help from that side ? They work backwards 3 or 4 months it might be worth giving it a shot ?
You deserve all the hugs of the world purple, you are being so brave ((()))
There is also some sort of tax law that you can use like term-time-only-working, ask CAB,
you might ask the experts on here (on the left of this page) on benefits check what benefits you could get, not as bereavement, but as a single parent with dependent children ?
Hi
I am so very sorry for you loss. I know there are no words that will be of comfort. My thoughts are very much with you and your children.
CAB, will be great, I know...
As you say, one step at a time...
Hi me again. Just to update you that I went to the CAB and they just confirmed what I already knew. there's no additional help available as we wernt married, and my benefits are right. So the outcome is bleak. Thank you all for your kind messages of support. It is really appreciated. Xxx
Hi purple, I am so sorry to hear that there wasn't any hidden gems out there. I am pretty sure I did see some grants on the grants search, or do you need to be married to receive these also?
I know the future seems bleak at the moment and I can't begin to imagine how you get through day by day, however try and spot the small things in life that is positive, your children, the sunshine as it is the small things that will get you through.
Dear purple, I am so sorry to read how your life has been turned upside down. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through right now.
I have been having a look around and am shocked to find that there is little financial support unless you were married.
You mention that you have applied for benefits, I am wondering if you claimed the 25% discount from your council tax bill as you will be the sole adult occupier?
I imagine you are just going through the process of dealing with everything including caring for your children, that you are finding little time for yourself to grieve, you may find it helpful to contact Cruse Bereavement Care, they have a telephone helpline (there is a charge) and also offer face to face support.
Money can be extremely tight when parenting without a partner, but it can be done, you will find that you nip and tuck certain expenditures. You might be interested in the Money Advice Service's When Someone Dies information, this includes some really useful budgeting tools and further advice.
I hope that others who have shared experiences will be online to support you and please know that we are on here everyday if you just need a friendly chat.
Do you have any family support around you?