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Hi there
Does anyone feel the same as me? I having such a hard time being alone parent. I was in a controlling relationship and now i have walked away my ex still controls me through our daughter ,he makes my life so difficult and messes around with contact.He has brainwashed my daughter telling her that mum should not go out or have baby sitters, which causes so much anxiety and stress I feel trapped and a real bad mother, I,m at the end of my teather and feel like just giving up as a mother and walking away. I have no support and isolated. I feel trapped and unhappy is this normal or am I,m suffering from a mental disorder to be thinking of giving my ex our daughter to raise i,m so bitter that he has all the freedom and no responsibilty please any one got any advise!!!!
Hey, the last time I went on here I was pregnant and I was dealing with a difficult ex partner. I still am, he broke up with me when I was 6 months pregnant and then jumped straight into another relationship with a woman he works with. (I found this out through the internet). I have since had the baby, who is a beautiful boy now 9 weeks old. I have been trying to mediate with him and he's extremely controlling and difficult. I felt exactly the same and sometimes have days where I don't want to be a mum anymore, this is perfectly normal. Although in my case I've been told its post natal depression. I've suffered depression for most my life, its just got worse under the circumstances. I think that the kind of emotional impact your ex is having on your daughter is really enough to make you feel that way. I can't relate to an older child but I know that it's normal the way you're feeling and if you need to talk, message me I'd be more than happy to listen.. Also, the whole responsibility thing.. Sometimes I think " why do I have to do all the work while he's out spending his life with his new gf, its not fair".. But we have our children, they are the ones missing out. My ex won't see our son walking for the first time, hear his first word, etc and that's something no-one can take away from me. Your daughter may be older but he's still missing out on a lot. X
hi both your not a bad mom you are just a normal mom i think when we split we all feel like giving our kids back as we feel we are not doing agood job . i felt like he is having fun and im stuck in , having to worry about them and money etc etc but remember we were not the ones who did this to us they want to feel like they are controlling as it is their way of pushing the blame . my ex was not controlling but he did use voliecne and is now on bail to which he trying to use mind games with me now but yes i cry yes i feel crap and yes i have good and bad days still now and this was may this year but i see the kids faces and know what he is missing and you cant get that back we have got the best deal our kids . go to the docs get help if you have to go to counselling i do hang in there as the light at the end of the tunnel will come to us . ask yourseleves are they really happy or are they pretending to be happy for a show ??
Hello debben64
Welcome to One Space!
I honestly think you would be hard pushed to find a single parent who has not felt as you are feeling now. There are two aspects to this: that you feel he has got away from responsibility and is living the high life, and secondly that the actions he is taking are making you feel that you are not very good even at the thing you are trapped doing! You are perfectly entitled to go out and do things for yourself, as long as your daughter is adequately cared for.
As for giving him sole care, I am thinking that if he is the controlling man you have exeperienced then you would not want your daughter brought up by him?
How is contact arranged between you? There is no need for him to speak with you except with regard to your daughter. Could the contact be formalised? what I mean by that is instead of it being as and when could it be "every weekend" or "every Wednesday" for example? if he continues to criticise you to your daughter then I would suggest a letter sent by yourself or through a solicitor saying that this is hurting your daughter and you will have to "reconsider" contact if it continues,
I do recommend making an appointment with your GP just so he/she can check whether you are depressed, you might not be, it might just be a reaction to your situation.
One of the keys to feeling better can be found in your statment that you are isolated with no support, it is VITALLY importgant as a lone parent that you build a support network around you. This can take some time and a lot of work but is so worth it. Read our article about Making New Friends, and don't forget that here at One Space we can be part of that support 
Hi debben64
I understand where you're coming from, although in a way the control that was kept here, in a way, was by cancelling contact time if he had a whiff that I was off out.
As Louise says, keep any discussions totally child related. Always be positive about things with your daughter too, and if she says anything negative about things at home change the subject to something fun or positive.
How old is your daughter?
hiya,
I have been feeling exactly the same as you. I think exes can make life that much more difficult. Your life is difficult with them as your partner and 10 times worse if their not you cant move on cant have a life. In turn feel totally isolated and alone. I too was in a controlling relationship and have been on my own pretty much for three years but the ex still controls from an outside. Its not easy at all and totally understand how you feel :(
Hello debben. Welcome along to this fab site. Sorry to hear that you still feel controlled by your ex, via your daughter. How old is she by the way? At some point we all, I'm sure, feel like throwing in the towel, especially when there is no one to support us. It is hard at times being a single parent, but at the end of the day it's also so rewarding. Personally I wouldn't give up my child to a control freak. You know how it felt, so in all honesty would you want your daughter growing up with him? Please keep posting and get as much support as you can from One Space. It really does help you know. Take care, and look forward to getting to know you.
Hi debben64, welcome to One Space! Everyone above has said what I would say, we have all been there and it is a horrible feeling.
It is time to take control of your life, I don't know how long you have been split up, but I have found that often we find ourselves a sitting target. You found the courage to leave the relationship and you are doing all that you can to be a good mum, but you are still doing what you think is 'right' by him. So in other words you have taken the biggest step by leaving, but there is more to do, he is still controlling you and having a negative effect on your daughter.
Do you have any local support? Have you visited your local Womens Aid organisation, I think you could do with some extra support. there are many women in your situation, I have been there, but you can and will move on from it.
Have a look at this article The 'good' father and the 'bad' father it is an excerpt from the Freedom Programme book. We will shortly (next couple of weeks) be running this prgramme and you can recieve the free book when you enrol and do the course. I think you would greatly benefit.
Do something for you and your daughter this weekend, whether it is tea in a cafe or go to a local petting farm, something that you can enjoy together. It is your realtionship that needs to grow, blossom and get tight and strong.
Hi emmy, welcome back! Congratulations on your little boy! I hope that he is the apple of your eye! Aside from your ex, are you enjoying motherhood?
Hi debben64 welcome to onespace im quite new on here too but i think the sire is brilliant for advice ans support. All i can say is dont give up on your daughter and dont let your ex win!! I know how you feel when they are getting on with their lives and you are stuck in the house , i have 3 children which can be tough at times but they rely on me for love and security and i rely on them to make me happy when i feel lonely and down, so dont give up because when you start to feel better you will find it very rewarding knowing you are bringing up your child. Look forward to chatting x