I feel so lonely and jealous of all those happy families!

Rosie78

So im at the begining of this journey, currently still living with the ex, things keep hitting me, some little things and some bigger and they make me so sad.

On facebook most of my friends are full of how lovely their weekends have been with their family and/or friends, bbqs, days out, weekends away etc. i have had a nice weekend with the kids and my mum, but i've not heard from any of my friends (dont have loads but a few, all happily married).

The park was full of happy couples and their kids and it hit me today that my babies will never have another family day out with both their parents. All the things we've talked about doing in the future, holidays, birthdays, stupid things like family bbqs, i cant do a bbq for me and the kids, i sound ridiculous.

Any single mums with positives stories and advice? Im having a low moment, feel so sad and lonely and sorry for my kids:(

Posted on: May 26, 2013 - 9:27pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hello Rosie78

Oh, how I relate to your post! Bank Holidays make it worse...and Fridays when I used to watch dads arriving home at all the houses down the street and I was just sitting there on my own. I honestly think that the main problem is that EVERYONE ELSE seems to be having a good time and we aren't.

But guess what? many of them are having a worse time than us. Facebook has a lot to answer for. But how many people do you know that would post their status as "Had a horrible Bank Holiday weekend. Rowed with partner, what if he's having an affair? how are we going to pay the credit card bill? kids playing up, feel like a failure, got no friends, hate the neighbours, worried about that dodgy smear test result, feel like a right dogsbody and got the inlaws over for a BBQ later, can't stand the sight of them" In other words, FB is a massive opprtunity to show off, to showcase your life or your family or your achievements. Lots of it is untrue or at best, self-deception.

So what about real life? you see the families in the playground with your own eyes. What you are seeing is a snapshot, that's all, in the the long journey of their lives. I get what you mean about your little ones not being able to have a family day out with both of you, but...they can have a great day with you, and in view of his behaviour, would you want their dad there anyway? How many of those families, whom you see in the playground, will still be happy next year, or the year after?

That sounds as if my view of life is gloomy. It isn't! It is about accepting that life is what you make it AND that it is indeed a journey and there will indeed be hard bits but there will be good bits too, make the most of what you have right NOW with your lovely children and make some good memories with them. In 12 months time you will look back and think wow, however did I get through that? One of my mottoes in life is "hold your nerve", it helps sooooo much. Things feel hard for you now but a whole new world is opening up with adventures ahead right around the corner

Posted on: May 27, 2013 - 8:01am

sparklinglime

Hi Rosie78

How you're feeling is so understandable. After all it's all those hopes and dreams that go out of the window when a relationship breaks up.

In a way its ok for me saying that, but then I left my ex in 2004. I think it took me about an year to stop being sad about it, longer to stop being angry about it, but in time you do come to the point where you accept things and its easier... And I still have blips.

I have recently started to go out for the odd evening with another lone-parent friend of mine (once every couple of months), and another friend who has been with her partner for many years joins us. She's so unhappy - yet you'd never know it if you met her.

I'm so glad you've had a lovely weekend with your children and your Mum. I have great memories of times with my Mum - but oddly, possibly none with my husband...

I've had a lovely weekend with my lot in the sunshine too.

When we first split up, I was with my children playing frisbee on the beach (then they were 12, 10, 8 and 5), and my oldest broke down saying we weren't a family anymore. I hugged him tight and asked him to look around and to tell me what was different. Their father chose not to join in family things, so for us nothing was different. We are a family - just as you are. It doesn't have to be two parents to make a family.

Sorry to rabbit on.

Loads of hugs. Be kind to you and you only need to take babysteps to move forward. Don't look too far ahead. One day you'll look back and see how far you've come.

Best wishes

Posted on: May 27, 2013 - 1:08pm

Rosie78

You are both so right. I put a brave face on and can't stand it when people moan about their lives on Facebook all the time. My best friend was bit shocked when I cried the other night. She said it was the first time she'd seen me upset about all this and then I realised how much of a brave face I put on for everyone and tend to cry alone. I have told a few more friends about us splitting and they've been so concerned its made me feel like I have some more support. Think I am slipping into depression as keep thinking no one likes me, felt like that before so will go and see gp next week. Thank you ladies for answering x

Posted on: June 8, 2013 - 8:05am

pancakequeen

Online

Hi Rosie,

Don't struggle alone, its good to talk about things, otherwise they bubble away inside and make you ill. When you go to see your GP could you ask him for some counselling? I'm sure your friends would be more supportive if you let them know how you're feeling. I find that friends often have an idea whats going on but don't want to pry or be pushy so they hold back, waiting for you to take the first step. I spent most of my life pretending I was fine when I wasn't, I thougt people would think I was week or couldn't cope. I've had a lot of counselling and I now realise that being able to ask for help is a strength. You have already taken steps by telling some of your friends and letting them see how upset you are so feel proud of yourself. As sparkling said, take babysteps and don't look too far ahead.

Sending you big hugs x

Posted on: June 8, 2013 - 10:27am

Peachie

Hi Rosie

Just wanted that before counselling i just think you need friends.... i know exactly where you're coming from I split up with my ex husband two years in July and yes I felt loney still do because i haven't got a boyfriend or anything ... In my case my ex husband took all the money we had saved up to buy our first house together so i felt like my life was meaningless but i had to be strong for my son having no family around made things even more difficult for me so i had to quit my dream job I used to be a flight attendant and suddenly i saw myself in this very dark place but i knew that everything happens for a reason... Things didn't work out with your ex because there is something so much better waiting for you out there.... believe me my situation wasn't easy at all it never is but there is light at the end of the tunnel you just have to go find it and yes have a little patience too good things happen to good people I ended up thinking that i am much better without my ex Im happier and ready to love again I found a job that i really like and love the people i work with> whilst I was going through the split it helped me a lot to do some volunteer work and i ended up meeting lots of people so please don't be sad life is beautiful and your kids need you happy. I had to suffer in silence but you don't need to like you all my friends are married so it doesn't make it easy to be the only single person but as i said in its own time you too will have what you want and what you deserve just believe in yourself and have a little faith...

Posted on: June 18, 2013 - 12:15pm