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My husband of 15 years walked out on me and our then 13 year old son last December, to live with another woman some 12 years his junior and her 3 children aded 8, 10 and 12.
My son was devastated, I truly believe he had something like a nervous breakdown. My ex refused to pay any maintenance for over 3 months, he is unemployed and living off his new partner's very good salary. I am on Jobseekers Allowance, and money is extrememely tight - I have had to plead and beg for him to pay £25 per week maintenance, which he does grudgingly.
I have had to use a small savings account in my son's name just to survive, as my ex left all kind of debts and bills, I feel as if I have stolen from him. My ex will never repay this, in spite of saying he would.
In spite of his constant pleas of poverty, he has been able to afford a new car, a weeks holiday in New York, and another weeks holiday for his "new" family, during which he was literally 5 minutes from our house, yet never even rang to see how his son was, or arrange to meet him.
I now find they have applied for tenanncy of a 6 bedroom farmhouse, the rent of which must be £900 a month, just 15 miles away.
He contacts his son only sporadically, often only if I text him to ask him to do so. I feel as if he is trying to airbrush his son, a moody and sometimes unhappy teenager, from his life, so he can concentrate on his new improved family, who think the sun shines out of his backside.
During our marriage i suffered considerable emotional abuse from him, due to his addiction to online and other pornography. He spent every penny left to me by my parents, and the money from the sale of MY house too. When the money ran out, he found someone younger and well off, and left. simple as that.
I hate him so much I honestly feel I could kill him, for the way he has treated his son. I am not exaggerating for dramatic effect. I loathe him, and what is more, I hate myself for having let him do this. I thought it was all part of the ups and downs of marriage.
If I saw her or him in the street, I am sure I could not control myself. My bitterness and hatred eat me up every day, when I struggle to get by, and to think of them living so near makes me feel ill. And they can afford so much, yet he thinks he no longer has any responsibilities towards his son, financial or emotional.
I want to get on with life, and I am trying - I have a new relationship, and am moving away from a house full of bad memories - but the past casts a horrible shadow over everything I do. I want to leave the past behind. I don't know how to do it.
thankyou tiredmum, I'm not sure if it's made me feel better or worse, writing it down! I was shaking when I had finished.
Sometimes I think I am succeeding at putting it all behind me, but if I have to contact my ex out of sheer necessity, I become so stressed, it all comes back to me and I get panic attacks.
I feel very strongly that he should not be allowed to just walk away from his responsibilities - my son and he previously had a really strong relationship - but all the signs would indicate that he is no longer interested in actually "being" a father. It's just a title he likes to use to make him look good, as long as it requires no effort on his part.
His attitude to my son is so painful. I see the pain on my son's face, and he does not want to be a part of his fathers new set family set up. The one occasion it was attempted ended in emotional disaster. It makes me so angry that my ex can just walk away from his son (Which he actually did before with a previous relationship, and did not see his daughter for 13 years - I should have read the signs there shouldn't I)
My new relationship makes me very happy, he is a gentle, kind and considerate man, who treats me with love and respect....but until I have let go of the resentment , anger and bitterness, I feel chained to the past. I want to feel nothing but indifference towards my ex. It's so hard.
Hi melangell
You are very welcome here, and will find lots of support and help 
First of all let me say how ABSOLUTELY INFURIATING! How dare he just swan off and abandon your lovely son and leave you with a pile of **** to deal with! 
You have every right to feel furious. EVERY right. Your poor boy: just at the time he needs a strong male role model, his dad disappears. Such anger does have need for a physical outlet doesn't it? Have you found one? whether strenuous exercise, punching a cushion, screaming, whatever it is then let it out! yes it will leave you shaking and maybe even panicky at the strength of your emotions but it has to be let out safely otherwise you will be like a fizzy cola bottle after it has been shaken up!
PHEW!
Ok now let's have a look at things very coolly as in facts. Facts are that you cannot make your son'a father engage with him, you cannot obtain better financial assistance if all the money is hers, and that if this is part of a repeating pattern (you mentioned an older daughter) then woe betide this new partner when HER money runs out. A further fact is that your anger is hurting YOU, and possibly your son, who needs you to be very centred and his anchor in a stormy world.....in other words your anger is not productive. You know it will spoil things for you in your new life and your new relationship if you don't move past this and that is fantastic that you are so honest.
Have you thought about some counselling to help you? It may only take a few sessions to give you some coping techniques. Your GP can refer you but there may also be low cost services locally which can see you more quickly.
Have you talked to your son about things? I mean, as in acknowledging his pain? Sometimes it is hard, especailly for lads of that age to put feelings into words. Maybe you will have to name them for him. "I know you are very hurt and angry about what Dad has done. If I could take away any of that pain I would, I love you so much and I am going nowhere, I am always here to talk to and it is Ok to feel sad and angry about this" Sometimes teens need to talk to someone outside the family (as in he may be scared of hurting you if he expresses all he feels) Relate offers a fab service for teens.
How wonderful that you have met a new, kind and gentle man. Learn from him, and let him be a quite different role model for your son.
We are all here for you.
Thankyou Louise, you've given me a lot to think about there. It's very hard to talk to my son about any kind of emotion, he simply refuses to discuss it - not in a nasty or aggressive way - it's obviously not how he wants to deal with things, he tends to bottle stuff up. He was closer to his dad than me, so it's hit him extra hard, and he hates my ex's new partner and her children with a passion - yet still idolizes his father.
My anger is often very hard to deal with, though of course I try my best to hide it most of the time, and I never say negative things in front of my son about his dad (or his new partner) I've been reading the article on here about "your ex", and I very much recognise those feelings it describes.
Hoping the imminent house move will help me to see things from a different perspective too. Thankyou for your advice, I wish I had discovered this forum months ago. x
Well you have found us now
Yes, it is very hard for your son and you obviously so understand what he is going through. He may find it much easier to talk to someone outside the family. My son saw a counsellor for a while when he was 13 and said to me afterwards that he said things there that he did not want to say at home for fear of upsetting me. Your own feelings WILL rub off on your son, even if you do not say negative things and one of the ways you can help him is by the work you are starting to do on your own feeelings now. I take my hat off to you 
that you can be honest and brave enough to do that.
HI Melangell, welcome to one space, you will find lots of support on here.
Do you feel better for having written you feeling towards your ex down? I think its very honest of you to acknowledge how you are feeling.
You say you have a new relationship, how is that going? You will move on from this, it takes time but you will get there and so will your son.
Please stay with one space, others will be along either tonight or tomorrow to say hi and offer you their advice xxx