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I am in process of trying to write a site to help single parent mothers find men to act as Father Figures / friends / mentors to their children.
I have started writing the site and would love any comments or advice you can offer please as you can see it is very early stages so need lots of basic info
Is it a good idea, what are the pitfalls, is there something similar out there, should I add other things are you able to offer support to develop it or know someone who will ?
There is no cost at all and I hope it will be self funding by sponsors
Wow what a minefield! I am sure your intentions are all good, and yes, children with absent fathers do need male role models, but...
...the last person I would let anywhere near my children is some stranger I've found on a website. How will you vet these potential adoptive dads?
Really for me a big huge no no.
I am looking for help and guidance to achieve the objective
Do you agree that if we could make it work the principle is good ?
Obviously I imagine it would start with meetings with mothers and the guy so she could establish what he is about
Who knows maybe the mother is always there what do you say ?
Hello Adopt a dad
I think all children should have positive role models both male and female. Unfortunately in these days of recently-publicised cases, the motives for such a project, however honourable, would possibly be misconstrued.
My "advice" to you is not to do this. If you really want to help children and be a good influence in their lives then volunteer with the Cubs, train to be a youth leader, help in a school etc, all positions where you could do so officially and with the reassurance to the parents that the proper checks had been done.
Ah, Louise, you are so much more diplomatic than I. In my head it is screaming 'NOOOOOO!!!!!' very loudly!
Sorry Adoptadad, I really don't think this would work at all ever.
Hopeful
Thanks I agree that yes there are some very nasty people out there but this is only a very small percentage if only 80% are suitable for this. Of those lets say that only 20% are willing to help this would make a great deal of children very happy.
Maybe the solution is to only look at a certain age range of child ? Would you say over 10 ?
Maybe we advise that the mother stays with the child at all times ?
Maybe it should start with only existing fathers ?
I do feel that if there is a way to bring that happiness / completeness to just some children it would make for a happier child and potentially a better society.
Louise
Thanks as I said surely between us all we can develop a way to make this work yes there are issues to resolve on the way but if we all work together we can find a solution ?
Isnt the real question :
Are we really going to let these evil Bst***ds inflict even more pain on even more kids by letting us prevent kids from mixing with men ?
Would be a no from me too I'm afraid.
I absolutely agree with you ADOPTaDAD that we "should" be able to go ahead with projects like this but unfortunately, people are understandably cautious in view of the many sad cases we hear about.
I also think (completely separate point) that both men and women will use it as a dating thing, just think it is worth you considering that point too.
The biggest male influence in the lives of my older two was their Scout leader - the assistant scout leader is his wife. They've since moved away, which is very sad.
The boundaries he put in place, and the laughter they gave my lot possibly saved them...
I'm with Louise here.
Volunteer with Scouts - they have both boys and girls in their groups. The movement needs leaders who are able to give their time and help guide these young people to hopefully a more constructive future.
At the end of the day, perhaps what you are proposing does actually exist already, but in different avenues.
Here they have community first projects which have volunteers helping with the young people.
People who work with young people are not really appreciated enough.
Perhaps approaching social services to see if they need volunteers to help with children. My son was offered a "befriender" who was going to do all sorts with him (mainly spend a day watching aircraft) but that never happened. Just perhaps there would be a route that ways to be a positive role model for children.
Children from two-parent families don't always have a positive male role model, remember, it isn't just those from lone-parent families.
Sparkling Lime
Thanks so much for your comments I am trying to learn from everyones comments
I hear fully what you are saying but I know that due to work commitments I am unable to offer regular time as you describe. I do though listen to my colleagues and friends and fellow men that very often say that during the divorce procedure, men are ostracised from their children and they have so much to offer children. That I want to harness that and focus it in a good way towards the children
Maybe a good way to start is to offer Mums an option of starting with messages to the children that can be monitored or passed via Mum until a trust is built and good intentions proved.
Surely we all read of children that go off the rails and this is often perceived to be due to the lack of a male role model in their lives
Between us we must be able to find a solution
Louise
Thanks for writing I really hope to get lots and lots of comments and advice from you and everyone
YES YES YES caution is ESSENTIAL but surely we mustnt OVER protect to the extent that we prevent children from the joys of learning and developing ? Surely it is up to the parent to take those decisions and the responsibility
We must assume that a large percentage of males would never dream of hurting a child and that they would bend over backwards to help anny child
This is a treasure that is there for children to enjoy and learn from
And hey if single parents want to go into a relationship with someone as long as the child is always considered as the number one priority what is the problem with that ?
If the relationship develops to a strong bond then surely that would be a win win win situation for all concerned or do you disagree ? What is important is that the guy was trying to help children which must be a good indicator
Hazeleyes
Thanks for your view but could you explain in more detail your reasons so that I can consider all angles and potential problems ?
Did you look at the site ?
NOTE FROM MODERATOR: Website address removed - breach of One Space Forum Rules - no advertising without previous consent.
Hi ADOPTaDad, i was just thinking as you have mentioned that you don't have the time to commit to volunteering or youth work how you intend on monitoring this venture, as anything that involves children be it befriending or mentoring has to be monitored (very time consuming) as there are safeguarding procedures that people have to meet and you have to have continual supervision managment whilst working with children, how would this work over the internet, who is going to pay for CRB's and child protection training?
Sally
Thanks v much for this It is not "my" intention to "mentor" children for the very reason you highlight namely time. My intention is to offer the opportunity for males to offer their time to befriend a child of a single parent and who knows take them fishing or football or whatever is appropriate As far as CRB & child protection training this is never intended to be commercial and no money would change hands. I assumed therefore that this does not apply it is more in the way of a friend or neighbour offering the support on a goodwill gesture maybe to take a child out with their own family or who knows what ? That would be for the 2 adults to decide on the most appropriate level on a suitablity and practical basis.
One of the objectives of the site will be to show children that not all men desert them and that in fact the vast majority of men are good people.
Do you agree with the principle of the site ?
...so let's put the case that I am a bona fide, 100% genuine and trustworthy chap thinking, I could help kids a lot, I could mentor them. Do I:
a. get in touch with my local volunteer bureau, youth group, school or
b. regsiter on a website?
Louise thanks v much for this
The reality is that I cant increase the number of people volunteering to help in various youth groups, many far more resourceful people than I have been trying for years and years to do as you say. However there are still a very large number of "chaps" out there that might help an individual child selected by him and he by the parent.
Maybe these chaps are not interested in helping groups in that way maybe they are more than happy to befriend a particular child.
Can I assume that or do you disagree ?
ADOPTaDAD
Hello again
There seems little point in continuing this debate when it is clear that no-one on the boards so far supports the idea
You keep saying "we can make it work together" as if you are looking for endorsement from One Space. Maybe you could write to Head Office with your proposals? The address is The Chief Executive, SPAN, Silai Building, 176 – 178 Easton Road. Bristol.BS5 0ES.
I think that would be the best way forward now
MODERATOR : This thread is now closed
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