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I'm on my own with my 6 year old son who is lovely and I love him so much. However, if it wasn't for him I don't think I would be here anymore, Ive thought about committing suicide so many times. I can't cope although on the outside it appears that I'm fine.
I've no family nearby and very few friends. It feels that nobody cares or even likes me, days or even weeks could go by and no one would be in touch to see how I am coping. I try very hard to make friends but it seems that no one wants to know, most people I know are in couples/families. I miss my ex so much, we separated 2 years ago and my son see's him every week but he's now with someone else and it kills me to see my son go with them at weekends having that 'family' time.
I've no family of my own to call and speak to as Im estranged from them and I chose not to contact them to protect my son. I'm so lonely, please help me to see where I am going drastically wrong.................
Hello beckyboo33,
firstly, seek help if you need to. You'll know which hours are darkest for you. For me it was midnight onwards.
Please call the samaritans, they will talk through and help you.
http://www.samaritans.org
or telephone 24hrs a day, they have helped me in the past.
08457 90 90 90
There are lots of people here to talk with, though they are not always on when you are. Evenings is best when the children have gone to bed.
I'm sure you have much help to give others too, as you have survived this far. You seem a survivor to me.
Please be kind to yourself, your son needs you well and happy. So you need to look after yourself.
Big hug for you!
sy x x x
Becky,
I just want to add that you are NOT doing anything wrong! It is just to do with how you are feeling that is all. But you must be the one to take the action to change how you are feeling because there is no one else who can do it. You will be amazed how much easier it will become once you get started.
I am sorry to hear you are not close to your family, that is always hard for people. I know others who do not have any contact with thier family but have made a very close network of friends who they consider as their family.
It must be very hard seeing your ex with someone else when you still obviously love him, but when you are feeling better & more able to rebuild yourself it will get easier.
You will find some fantastic people on here Becky! I don't know where they all are today! But I know when they see your post they will all be here to talk to you, someone is always around on here at some point in the day, so don't give up if you ever come on & no one is here. Many on here have felt the same as you before. I hope you will become one of the regulars on here. I will be looking out for you!
Hope to hear from you soon.
Pansy x
Hi beckyboo
I have a 7 year old son, and on my own. I too have felt like you, as i'm sure others have. In your heart, you know your son needs and relies on you, and that is what keeps us going. I think we are very good at putting on a face for the outside world, yet behind closed doors, things are very different. You are a loving mum, who cares very much for her son. You wouldn't be on One Space if you weren't.
Sadsy and Pansy have recommended the Samaritans and the Drs. Please get in touch with both. Someone listening at the end of the phone is good, and you can pour your heart out. (I rang them so many times, I think we were on first names).
It is great that you have found this group. Everyone is so supportive. I would happily chat to you if you are on yahoo messenger. If you are on line and you see my name, go to the evening chat section, and I will correspond ok.
Do you chat to any mums at the school?
You are not going wrong with anything. Just at this moment in time, you are feeling very low.
I have distanced myself from some of my family, and others I wouldn't give the time of day too, so I know where you are coming from on that subject.
Keep posting on here, for more advice and support from others. You will get through this dark period.
Take care, lots of hugs for you
Alison
x :)
Hello beckyboo33
How are you feeling this morning? I am so glad you came on and shared this with us instead of suffering in silence! You’re in such a dark place right now and I know that when you are in that place, everything can seem hopeless.
The others have made some excellent suggestions, including the Samaritans and seeking help from your GP and counselling. I guess there is no easy overnight answer and you need to look at making things better “in stages”. Stage One is you phone the doctor. Please make sure you do this TODAY, sometimes it can take a while to get an appointment. Secondly, do not expect too much of yourself. While you are feeling like this, your goal is to get through the day intact and to make things as secure as possible for your boy. If this means you lie on the sofa for two hours while he is at school then so be it...you are taking part in a very important process: that of rebuilding your life.
Next, look at eating, exercise and sleeping. I know that Sadsy will tell you how much his cycling helped get him through his darkest days. I also know Pansy has joined the gym and, as for me, it is swimming, whatever you like best (or hate least ), try to do something every day even if it is only a walk round the block. Make sure you are eating reasonable stuff with fruit and veg thrown in. I know when you feel rubbish it is tempting just to eat nothing or to eat a load of junk. Remember you are special and precious and your son needs you to be healthy.
There will be time enough to look around and create a network of supportive friends as the weeks go on. For now, you need to think of your physical and mental well-being.
We are all here for you beckyboo, so many of us have experienced what you are going through and can offer support. Take care, and please let us know you have phoned the GP
Very best wishes
Dear beckyboo33
It sounds like were in a dark place when you left this message, I am wondering how you are today?
From your previous posts, you have mentioned that you don't feel supported by your in-laws or your ex and you are feeling very alone. As others have said on this post, I think we have all been there.
Please call the Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 whenever you feel low, they will talk you through your emotions and will not leave you in the lurch.
Have you contacted your doctors yet? You really must, even if you don't want to venture onto anti depressants, they can point you in the direction of some support, which it sounds as if you are in need of.
You mentioned last year that you were considering moving back to be nearer your family. I also saw that you were supporting someone else who was considering the same thing. Have you had any more thoughts about that?
Are you still working? Is there someone there that you can talk in confidence to? Your manager?
beckyboo33 you have such a groovy name and obviously a groovy nature, from your previous posts, you will get through this. It is a down time, maybe a time for reflection, tell yourself that YOU are in control of YOUR life, not anyone else, I find it really helps to say it when the chips are down. I am in control of my life.
Can you treat yourself today, whether it be a cheap magazine and a cup of tea or a favourite film this evening. As everyone else has said, and I know you know it too, you have to look after you, give yourself a pat on the back right now for getting this far on your own. We will get you through this. :)
I look forward to hearing about your thoughts on moving, your phone call with the doctor and your work place.
I hope you are feeling a little better. Please try not to feel that you are all alone, cos you are not. You can have my number anytime, i will speak to you anytime, i will be there for you anytime. just ask....We know what its like, trust in your instinct.... your life is too precious, and your '' childrens'' lives are held in your hands.
I'm still here...............thanks for all you're supportive messages, you've all been a real help. xx Will be back soon to let you know how I'm getting on. x
What a relief, I'm so pleased!
You sounded very low in your first post, and it reminded me of how I felt when I first posted here a few weeks ago. I was in a mess, frankly - very very unhappy and low. But things do move on, don't they? Getting through the bad days, for the sake of my baby, is the hardest thing, but it's also the thing that makes me know I'm strong, even when I don't feel it. So you know, the same goes for you, too. Well done to get past such a dark day and keep on going.
Hi beckyboo
Great to hear from you, lindsaygii is right, the dark days do pass although phases come and go. We are all here for you when you want some support, take care.
I'm still here...............thanks for all you're supportive messages, you've all been a real help. xx Will be back soon to let you know how I'm getting on. x
You take care. We're here when you need us.
It's what this board is all about, supporting each other and sharing our experience, what a lovely bunch you all are! :D
Hi Beckyboo
God to hear you are still visiting the site as and when you can. I think that is what people find so useful about this site is that you can pop in and out as and when suits you.
How are you doing today? How are your preparations going for xmas? There seems to be lots of people talking about shopping, bargains and cooking tips all in the run up to xmas. What do your plans involve??
Be in touch again soon
C-L
Hi Beckyboo
I saw your post, and I know how you feel.
I am in a similar situation, Recently my wife left me for someone else. I don't have family support near by and felt very isolated and alone. Also I got really ill, I could not sleep and having suffered from a bad back and neck for a while, things got worse when I started to wake several times with random numbness. I truely felt like a broken man unable to cope feeling physically and emotionally sick.
In my darkest days my thoughts drifted to ending it all. Just because I could not see a way out. I have a network of wonderful friends, but sometimes the loneliness and isolation of not having someone special can be all consuming. I did, as has been suggested to you, I rang the Samaritans when things were getting complicated, they can't provide any answers, but they are always there to listen and that is a huge help in itself.
For me the answer lies in getting out. Depending on what activities you like to do, you could join a club, make sure it is one that values being social as much as the activity, walking clubs can be a good place to start, the aim is to meet lots of people that way you will make friends and possibly someone special later down the line, but don't be afraid to do the leg work and call existing friends attached or not, sometimes they will value a night out without their partner, and if they never call you, then don't get upset some people just don't pick up the phone unless it is ringing, it does not mean they don't want to see you.
Thanks for that, Paul_30. The Samaritans are indeed wonderful and you make an excellent point about doing the leg work. The world is not going to queue at a person's door; it is about getting out, or making that call....and you will be surprised how many other people there are out there who are glad of your approach.
Hi Beckyboo33 I hope by the time you read my message that those dark horrible feelings have passed. I know that a few years ago I had those too. I just felt that every which way that I turned there was a brick wall, nothing was easy and everything was a problem. Trust me, it goes, you dont notice it going as its gradual but it does go. My sister once said to me,
"one day you will stand tall and say to yourself, Ive done this all by myself"
that day will come you mark my words, for now look at what you have got rather than what you havent got
Good point scallyally:
"for now look at what you have got rather than what you havent got"
It is so hard to see clearly during those dark days, it sounds as though you have been there and are now in a much better place
Thank you Anna, Yes ive been there, after 16 years with a controlling violent womaniser I now have been happy for 3 years, there is light at the end of everyones tunnel, youre right in that you just cant see it clearly during the dark days x
Congratulations on getting away from abusive relationship. It is incredibly hard isnt it!
It is great to read that you are free and no doubt 3 years on rebuilding your life. Have you had a read of our 'The Best thing about being a single parent is....' thread? You might enjoy it and also have a few things to add yourself!! 
Anna I shall go and have a read of that now.
I married young so thought "that was the way things went on" it clearly wasnt. I now have a calm and happy life with a new partner of 1.5 years. It is very hard getting away from an abusive relationship and for a year I thought I was the failure, now I know it was him x
Hi scallyally
We can spend many a day/ hour blaming ourselves, feeling that we failed in our relationship, failed our children, failed at keeping our partner happy etc etc. But that means that the abusive ex has done his work well!
However it I found it interesting that I spent probably a year blaming him, then one day I stopped and starting looking at myself and started blaming myself for staying. It was horrible at the time, but I think it meant that I would never get in that situation again!
Its lovely to read that you have a new calm and happy life with a new partner. I would love to hear how you met and what makes him special. Your worries and fears when you first got together etc. But this is not the right forum for it. If you would like to share this information please go to Relationships and You and start a new topic called something like.....My fabulous boyfriend or how I met my great partner...or I'm a single parent and now I have a lovely partner too! We can talk about him there, if you wished to divulge that is 
Anna I might just do that!
Like you I blamed myself too, for about 2 years I felt that I was a failure and that I should have worked harder at my marriage, now I feel nothing, no hatred for my ex, no sadness, nothing. He has a new partner and he is doing the same to her and she constantly says "how your ex wife put up with you I will never know" its a shame as she has a wee one who is hearing all this.
It is sad to know that his behaviour is continuing and also that someone else is going through the same pain as you did and there is nothing you can do about it.
Look forward to chatting to you in the other thread, if you have started it!
i am in the same situation just now bringing up a child on my own from an abusive partner and some days the only thing that gets me through is my son,today a really dark ay dont feel as if i am a good mum and it not getting any easier.my wee boy been through so much because of his dad
Hi nellie77, you are a good mum, you took your son out of a bad situation xxx It is hard on your own, it can be very lonely at times, do you have family around you? How old is your little boy?
Please keep posting you will find lots of support on here, this site is very friendly.
I`m sending you a hug xxx
Hi nellie77
Just been chatting to you on the other thread!
You mentioned that you had had some counselling, that is great, what I want to suggest to you now is that you think about doing The Freedom Programme which will helps you move forward. Click on the link to have a look
Hi Beckboo33!
There will be plenty of people on here to give great advice far better than me I'm sure, so don't forget to keep signing in.
I have know plenty of others who have felt just like you are now. It does NOT last as long as you get the right help. Firstly have you been to the DR? you obviously are need of anti-depressants & maybe some couselling too. There are plenty of others on here doing both! We all at some time in our lives find ourselves at a very low point & we must recognise when we need to ask for help! You are at this stage now, I hope you can find it in yourself to ASK for the help you need because no one can come & save you if they don't know what you are going through & your son needs his Mum to be well & healthy so you are helping him by helping yourself. You will be amazed at how much better you can feel with the help of anti-depresants & counsilling & there is lots you can do about finding yourself a close network of new friends who understand you & whom you can relate to. You must find the strength to look after yourself & put yourself first. You must do for yourself what you would do for someone else in your position.
Anna & Louise the moderators on here will have some great links for you to go to for help. Please call samaritians up for help & promise you will make Dr appointment first thing tomorrow, make emergency one don't wait!
I want to see you back here tomorrow telling us what you have done for yorself. I am sure you are capable of looking after yourself, lets face it you do it for your son every day ;)
Let us know how you get on. But for now perhaps you could call samaritians. They have been a great help to others on here!
Lots of hugs, love & strength coming your way :)
Pansy x