Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum.
I've recently split with my partner and so far things are going OK - he has our daughter (who's 15 months) every other weekend with an overnight stay.
He's got her this weekend and then when he's meant to have her in 2 weeks time he's actually on the night shift and I don't feel comfortable with her staying overnight. The reason being is that he will be on call from 5pm until 8am the next morning. And he could get called out to anywhere in the UK. Even if he doesn't get called out his phone will realistically ring every hour and he will not get more than a few hours sleep - he doesn't even attempt to go to bed until 3/4am when he's on nights. He does live with his mother at the moment but she has never shown any interest in our daughter and once left her in a dirty nappy for 16.5 hours when we were trying to make her take some interest and left our daughter with her overnight. So hence I don't want her to put our daughter down for the night if he's not there or have to look after her in the morning if my ex is not back from a job or sleeping. Am I being unfair if I say I don't want her staying overnight when he's on nights and ultimately may not even be there?
Thank you!
MBL
Thank you Louise - I really do not want to stand in the way of my ex having a relationship with our daughter as it is not fair on either of them and I believe she needs her father. Evenings are difficult because she goes down at 7pm and he has not normally finshed work by then if he is on a normal shift, but I thought I could offer that he has her 2 weekends in a row when not on nights and then I have her 2 weekends in a row?
I am feeling a bit out of sorts today - I am happy that she is spending time with her dad but he even admits to me that you can tell she is not happy at his mothers and becomes very clingy to my ex which makes me feel a bit sad because she is normally a little madam doing her own thing and into everything. I just hope she gets used to being there the more she is. So this weekend I am keeping myself busy with friends
That all sounds very positive, MBL, and I agree that your daughter is likely to get accustomed to the new situation over time.
Hello MBL
Welcome along. I don't think you are being unfair, you are only thinking of your daughter. However, I would not just say "no" out of hand, I would ask him to look at having her another time instead, even if this is a couple of evenings/teatimes so he gets time with her and she gets time with her dad. At her age, she needs little and often to maintain her relationship with him. It is sad that her grandma does not seem to want to be more involved and perhaps this is something you can continue to work on. But you need to make it clear to your daughter's dad that you have no intention of getting in the way of his relationship with his daughter and you are amenable to being flexible.
What are you planning this weekend while your daughter is with her dad?