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Hi,
I split from my partner after 16 years. He had a very aggressive personality and was very insecure. It caused a lot of problems from day one. We had a son who is now 15 and he is very affected by his dads behaviour and although we split 2 years ago he doesn't go to school. We split because of domestic abuse. Mainly verbal but police were often called to the house usually by my son. I always forgave him because he was so sorry afterwards. He obviously needed help because he had mental health problems but never went through with it. Finally it all came to a head and I left. He was absolutely devastated and had a nervous breakdown and was suicidal. The anger and hurt he felt made him even worse and for most of the 2 years he has caused us a lot of problems. My son is under child protection and there is now a restraining order. However over the last couple of months he has been getting help and is a lot more calmer. He is speaking to me nicely by text and I find myself answering. He misses us so much and wants a relationship with our son who refuses to even talk to him. The problem is I have been in another relationship for 5 months and am very happy with my new partner. He is the opposite to my ex and is the nicest, kindest person I could wish to meet. He loves me and I feel the same way. I know my life with him will be good. However now my ex is being nice I am feeling so guilty and I am feeling that I miss him and miss my life with him. I knew him so well and loved living in the house that he still lives in. It was comfortable with him in the sense that I knew him so well. I didn't feel that I loved him when I was there because he took so much away from me, but now I am starting to wonder if I do. I really want to move on with my new partner but I am now finding it so hard. To make things worse my ex has been ill and I am worried because there is no-one else that he can rely on if his problem is serious. He has fallen out with everyone and I seem to be the only one he can talk too. I am so confused about it all. Can anyone help please?
Hello cherylb
I am guessing that during the relationship you were the stable one? So that is what he still sees you as, and he knows after many years exactly how to gain your sympathy.
It is up to your son whether he sees him. You could suggest an experimental meeting but it is up to him.
The two of you have been through so much and you have nothing to feel guilty about. This is just yet another stage in the abuse, and he is now trying to manipulate you. Stand firm.; If he has no-one to help then there is probably a reason for that! You have a chance for a whole new life now so grab it with both hands!
Hey Cherylb,
well my situations very similar so i felt i wanted to say hi :) i have been separated from my ex for almost 8 months now after 13 years of verbal abuse, mind games and controlling behaviour, i too have a 15 year old son who was deeply affected by my intimidating ex and he displayed signs of anger and being unsettled after the seperation as i believe now that he was worried about me and took on the role of man of the house, once he seen that i was alot more happier and focused with life he seemed more able to relax back to being a teenager again and our relationship is alot more happier and stronger, he's become alot more loving and caring and more chilled himself. My ex who wasn't his natural father but was present since he was 2 years old wasn't a very good role model he was a grumpy, lazy alcoholic with a changable personality we had to walk on eggshells around him and he had very little time and interest in both me and my son, he suddenly wanted to do everything for my son when we split and brought him many expensive presents but my son wasn't foolish and saw right through it and isn't interested in having anymore to do with him. My ex used everything to try to show he'd changed saying he was getting help and seeming to be more mellow and nicer but it was all a ploy to get back and once he saw he couldn't control me anymore mr nice guy soon dissapeared and the monster resurfaced again so please be very careful your ex may be pulling the wool over your eyes in order to get you back!
I think you should concentrate on your new life with your son and new relationship, sometimes when control is all you know, everything else can seem quite strange and scarey but it is very damaging and certainly not a healthy way to live for you or your son, i too have started a new relationship with a fabulous man, he doen't ask anything of me and i absolutely worship the ground he walks on, it's very strange after many years of feeling controlled, suffocated and minipulated as before my ex i was in an extremely violent relationship so control is definitely all i have known and it can feel quite strange when you have the control taken away from you and you live your life in a totally different way again, i find i'm making decisions for the first time in my life, i am a equal, i have been left scarred bruised and battered from destructive relationships but once you learn how a good relationship feels it's like magic and that intense love that your ex probably displays towards you is more of a needy desparate love rather than true love, true love i now believe is allowing each other to be what you want to be and it may not be so intense but that's because it doesn't have to be if you treat each other how you should.
All the best
Great post, clementine, thanks 
Thank you all for your comments. I guess sometimes you just need to hear things from other people to bring you to your senses.
Clementine, I can see you really relate to my problems. They are so similar. It wasn't just the verbal abuse, which also included smashing holes in doors etc, it was the fact that he is such a miserable person. He moans, says he is stressed constantly, hates everybody, everything is everyone elses fault. He is such an angry person and it was rubbing off on my son. He had a lot of insecurities and he would torture himself whenever I left the house, wondering what I was
doing. Constant texts and phone calls and if I didn't answer he would flip. He had a Jekyl and Hyde personality. He always said he loved me which I believe he did but I was always treading on eggshells as you said. Trying to keep him happy. We could argue up to a certain point but then he would just change and go out of control and he didn't care who it was in front of. He would take his anger out into the street and everyone knew him in the road. It was embarrassing. The point come when I was brave enough to leave and he was heartbroken. When he found out where I lived he would shout outside and once smashed a window in temper. He was suicidal and did try to kill his self. He is still very depressed but is having counselling which is part of a probation order he was given. So now I see his nice side but like you said he is probably still trying to control me. I just need to move on. My life could be so nice if I let it but I sometimes feel part of me is craving my old life back. I think I must be going mad! My current partner of 5 months is the nicest person ever. He loves me to bits, never shouts, not jealous and treats me like a queen. My son as I said refuses to go to school and rarely goes out but he is a happier person. He always asks if I am happy and he is much calmer. But I think his problems now are down to lack of confidence and low self esteem. He hates his dad and if he does mention him he calls him by his name. And again because my ex misses his son so much I feel sorry for him. I think I need some sense knocked into me!!
Wow, yes I agree, well said clementine and well done to you!
Hi cherylb, I also agree with sparklinglime and Louise. He sounds so much like my ex. Tread carefully, it would be awful for you to go backwards when you have achieved so much together with your Son and new partner. Take care.
Cherylb
After many years of considring someone and looking after their needs, it can be hard to get out of the habit, even when you know in your heart of hearts that you don't need to do this anymore.
He is an adult. He had plenty of chances to be in a happy family, In the end you have to look after you and your son
Hi cherylb, ditto what Louise says, you have spent so long looking out for your ex, caring for your ex, saying and doing the 'right' thing by your ex, it is understandable that you have feelings for him. You wanted him to change for so long and now he is showing you that he has changed....actions speak louder than words.
We are often told, never go backwards - move forward with your life. You chose to leave him for good reason. You have found a lovely man who treats you well. You may not have the exciting highs that you shared with your ex, but I bet you also don't have the extreme lows either.
Living life on a steady balance can take some getting used to if you have lived with an abusive person. Do you feel like you are cheating on your current partner by even having these thoughts and texts with your ex?
Hi Em and Louise,
Thank you. Yes you are right. I know the right thing is to move forward and I dont really want or need to be back in that situation. I think as you say it is habit. I am just not used to being with someone so nice and find it quite hard. It is what I want. Life is too short not to be happy. Even before that relationship I was married and my husband died. I was 30 at the time and I found out he was having an affair after he died. That was a very hard time especially as I had a 2 year old at the time. Then I met my ex and felt guilty that my then 5 year old son was being brought up by such a nasty person. Like you said Louise, he had plenty of chances to change and be happy. I am a very laid back and easy going person who never argues. He really had it easy with me and his life could of been so good. My older son now 24 has turned out to be a lovely person it is just the 15 year old who has problems now. I think as you say I need to think about myself and my son and move on. Thank you so much for listening.
Hi Anna,
You have really hit the nail on the head. Yes I spent all those years looking after him, trying to make sure everything was ok all the time. I suppose good or bad I still miss the relationship and I sort of miss knowing him so well and the comfort of being myself, not worry what I look first thing in the morning etc.
But yes I now have the most perfect partner I could ever so wish for and it is so 'normal' I find it hard to get used too. We both say we love each other constantly and I mean it, and then in the back of my mind I am feeling guiltiy for feeling this way about my ex and for return text messages. I dont want to start lying about anything but I am.
Well perhaps you do need to stop responding to your ex, let him know it is over and you are now moving forward with your life. This might also be a good indicator as to where he is really at. A decent bloke would accept that and wish you well.
Your current partner might be 'perfect' or he might just be someone showing you a different way to have a relationship. When you are with the 'right' person I don't believe you would even think about what you look like in the morning....are you giving yourself a hard time? As I am sure your current chap probably loves you warts and all! 
Hi Anna,
I know I should stop responding to his texts. And that is my problem. When he is horrible I find them easy to ignore but when he is telling me how much he misses us and how sorry he is, that is when I feel guilty and answer. I think he knows I am with someone but I avoid that conversation because the thought of me with someone else eats away at him and thats when there is trouble. He is not a decent bloke so he wont wish me well because he wants me back. My new man is everything I want in a relationship but because of these thoughts about whether or not I miss my ex, it makes me question myself. And no, he doesn't care what I look like in the morning. He loves me for being me. Its more how I feel about myself!
I hate to say it but your ex is still controlling you.
Don't feel guilt for walking away and leaving him to fend for himself, don't feel guilty because he is an angry and dangerous man, don't feel guilty because he misses you...
... so he bl***y well should! You have given him your everything.
Your guilt is a feeling that he has taught you and that you have learnt over the years in your relationship. You may feel sad that it is too little too late, or that he is in pain or strife. But I don't believe this feeling of guilt is yours, this is what he is making you feel - do you get what I am saying? He is still controlling you.
Time to break free cherylb, or continue to let him control you from afar.
Fantastic Anna, you had me whooping in agreement! Well put - firm but fair.
Rings true with my own situation as some of you gals know.
Cherylb - It's a slow process working through everything in your mind and your heart, but I think deep down we all know what's the right thing to do, even though it can be scary - to let go of the familiar and dismiss the heartstrings that's being pulled. You sound like a lovely lady - please don't let him breakup your happiness with this and your guiilty emotions. Take it one step at a time, firstly turn off the mobile or get a sim for a new number for everyone else other than your ex. Yes, you'll still want to check it (believe me I've been there a million times over the past 3 weeks) but as each day passes it becomes easier, the guilt will lift and you can look at your current partner and see him for who he is without all the questions and doubts running through your mind. Don't feel bad if you do check it, just not so often. Little baby steps. The responsibility for him will hopefully lift over time and you can then feel positive about yourself and your new man and your boys. You will then slowly get YOUR control back over YOUR life.
Big hugs to you, you can do this. Talk to us on here and we will help you, and don't be so hard on yourself if you do have a little slip, try and refocus again and then you'll be fine.
How are you doing cherylb? A lot of us have been where you are, we all have our guillty secrets - one of mine is everytime I hear 'our' song I have a little daydream of what could have been, crazy huh!
Have you done the Freedom Programme?
Hi Em and Anna,
Thank you so much for your comments. It has helped me a great deal. I suppose you only really told me what I already know deep down but sometimes it just needs someone to put things in prospective. I've done a lot of thinking and hopefully I can start to become a stronger person.
And Anna, no I haven't tried the Freedom Programme. The social worker involved with me keeps suggesting that it could be good for me but I've always said I dont need to go. Maybe it would be a good idea as I feel just talking on here helps. Have you done it and if so how do you find it. I hope you're ok.
x
Hello Cherylb
The Freedom Programme is great as it helps you to focus on what REALLY went on in your relationship and that you deserve good things and good people in your life.
You can do it free and online by clicking here.
Not many of us can move forward with no regrets whatsoever, and I do believe that sometimes, a person keeps part of our heart no matter what we do in the future. However, it is all about you now and getting on with your new life and making new friends, and we are here to support you, too
Hi Cherylb
You had me worried girl! Been thinking of you
It does take time to get your head around things and that is something you can do as each day passes, one day at a time.
I have been out of my emotionally abusive relationship now for 3 weeks and am only starting to realise now (gradually) what my children & I went through - I am doing the freedom programme online here and it is helping me to understand things. I see alot of my ex in the behaviours. For me personally (and I am not knocking the online course, it is excellant) I need to do it as part of a group aswell, to reiterate things and discuss them and I will be doing so within the next few weeks. It's definately helped though in the early stages as I was in denial and blaming myself for alot of what what wrong.
Womens aid have been very good at supporting me aswell, it's worth considering them if you want to talk things through. I had alot of questions which I wrote down as they popped into my mind and they answered most of them or helped me reach my own conclusion about things.
Keep talking to us on here, and don't worry what about. We are not here to judge, only to support.
Keep going girl, you're doing really well. And you sounded really positive in your last post
Em xx
Hope that you have a go at the online Freedom Programme cherylb, then you could possibly think about going to a group local to you like Em did. let us know how you get on?
Em i am so glad that you have found the Freedom programme helpful and your right going to a group will be benefical too. It is something that we recommend on here regularly.
Hi Louise and Sally,
Thank you I will look into the Freedom programme. Sometimes you think you are the only one with problems, so being on here and knowing other people are going through similar things really helps too I think. Its nice to be able to talk and everyone sounds so lovely too.
Hi Em, sorry to hear you are only 3 weeks out of your relationship. It must be really hard for you. Its funny but like you said, you start to realize what you children went through. Its the same for me, its only now I look back and think how terrible it must of been for my son. I think at the time its just life you get used to it and it seems 'normal'. My son hates his dad now and refuses point blank to talk to him. Only since I left have I realized how much it has affected him. I answered the phone to my ex yesterday and he was all sad and lonely and he has been having hospital tests. He said he may have MS and he is waiting for further tests. I am starting to feel sad and sorry for him now because he has no-one that cares. And even after everything I do care which is why I have come on here to start with, because my feelings are confusing me and I dont want to care.(if that makes sense). I so hope he isn't ill because it will make me feel worse and I dont want to ruin the relationship I have with my new partner. After I left I had a terrible time with him. Been left for 2 years now and even a couple of months ago he was driving along the road and saw me and tried to make me stop. He was shouting and swearing out of the window to stop and cutting me up. It was dangerous and I was scared but I managed to get away. Next minute he is being nice and telling me he loves me and how much he misses me! I would rather he was horrible all the time. It makes it easier to hate him!
Anyway thank you all for your posts and hope you are all doing well x
Good morning Cherylb
Yes you can't just turn your feelings off like a tap but REMEMBER, this man was abusive to you and is now trying to use any old method to draw you in again, to manipulate you. Can I ask you, will you have a look at this page for me? It outlines the different "types" of abuse that may happen, what I would like you so do is to have a look at the list and desciptions and tell me which category your ex partner is in, he will probably be a combination of several, and report back to us!
Hope you have a decent weekend. It is great that your son now feels better that you have moved on and hopefully will go from strength to strength
Hi Louise,
I have looked at that list and he only fits 2 of the descriptions, The Bully and The Persuader. But he makes a very good job of both of them!
Ah that's interesting, thanks for looking at that. I always think that list is a real eye opener and can make us realise just what we have had to put up with. Please hang on to this, alongside the sympathy you feel for him.
hi u ok,did u go in a refuge,there is a place for me,bit scared to go my ex harasses me,threats intimidation,im stressed out,anxious,we av ad on off relationship,2 half years,we av an 19 month old daughter together,i av 2 sons,and 18
year ol daughter,she hates him, he assaulted me on holiday, more emotional abusemhe is very controlling,dont no what do, i rang refuge and woman nice who i spoke to
hi my ex is bully,liar persuader not good
Hi Cherylb, as Louise says you can't extinguish old feelings just like that, but as you grow, you will recognise that he is just not healthy to have in your life.
Have you heard from him over the weekend?
Hi kiera, I am going to go to your thread in the other Discussion to talk to you more about refuges
thank u
Hi cherylb how are you today?
Part of my work is supporting women that suffered abuse and the effects it had on their children and how they can move on and support their children. Children are usually one of the determining factors for women to seek support.
Are you having any concerns about your son? it's just you mentioned something about the affect it had on him.
Hi Anna, you are right it is very difficult just to turn your feelings off. I have heard from him twice over the weekend. Once saying that I wasn't bothered if he is ill or not and the other asking how his son is. I didn't answer.
Hi Sally, thank you. Yes I have on going problems with my son. He is 15 and has refused to go to school for nearly 2 years now. He has been under child protection and I am forever at meetings at the school and with social workers etc. I have accepted that he will not go back to school now but he doesn't do anything else either. He doesn't want to go out and only has one friend really. He spends his time on the computer. I think it is all down to his lack of confidence and social skills and low self esteem. He hates his dad and has no interest in talking to him. I have a new partner who has been round over the last 5 months many times but my son will not come out of his room and speak to him so they have never met. I haven't said he is my 'boyfriend', I just say he is a friend. However, having said all that, my son is a lot happier because he doesn't hear and see the the abuse now, and slow but sure whenever anyone comes round to see him, instead of hiding under his bedcovers he now talks to them when he is asked questions. I just worry for his future. I want him to have friends and at the moment I cant imagine him going to work or socialize in any way. I have quite a lot of help but he doesn't respond well to anyone at the moment. I'm hoping something will just change and he will come out of his shell as he matures a bit.
Aww cherylb poor you and also my heart goes out to your boy. He is a scared young man. The world is not the safe place he always thought it was. Has your son been offered any counselling through the school or the GP? it would really help him to be able to express his feelings to someone outside the family, he maybe dare not tell you how he feels in case it would upset you and so he keeps it all inside.
In the meantime, rather than concentrate on his issues, turn your focus on to building your relationship with him. Do you do anything with him as an individual? What does he like?
The other thing I would suggest, while spending time with him is that you reassure him that you will not get back together with his dad, that he is safe and that you will always look after him, you can't say this too often
Hi Louise,
Yes my son definately feels safer and more comfortable in his own enviroment. I have worked with differant support groups who have sent someone to the house to try and 'befriend' him. Unfortunately the couple of people that have come are not the type of people he could really relate too. The problem is he refuses to go and talk to anyone because he says he hasn't got a problem. Recently a child pyscologist came from Cahms and tried to talk to him and offered him the opportunity to talk to someone but he refuses to go anywhere. He isn't the talking type. If I try to talk to him about anything serious he wont listen. He just doesn't want to know. It is impossible to talk to him about the future but I hope that deep down he does think about it. He has one friend but he doesn't want to go to his house and he doesn't see the point in just going out. The only interests he has are computers and motorbikes. He said he would go out if he had a motorbike but obviously I cant afford to do that. I do offer to take him out but obviously he is 15 and doesnt really want to go out with his mum now! Occasionally he goes out. He went to the cinema with his friend but always cant wait to get back home.
He knows I will not be going back with his dad and I reassure him that I love him all the time and he says he loves me. He is a 'normal' boy with me but other people dont see that side of him unfortunately. My partner now would be great for him. He has 3 grown up children and a five year old and I have to say he is the nicest dad I know. He wants to take B out and be a good friend to him but it isn't easy.
Hi again
If it helps AT ALL, please be assured that 15 is the most difficult age for boys.
I do know what he means when he says "I haven't got a problem", it's not that he is in denial about it, it is just that this way of living has been going on a while now and just seems normal to him. BUT, thinking about the future, he cant spend the rest of his life in his bedroom..is this still going to happening when he is 20? 25?
I would say that instead of letting him think he has a problem, maybe it needs to come from a place of "you are coming up to 16 now and soon you will need to be in the world of work so we need to look at what will help you to make that transition. "
Have a look at this organisation here.
Now I don't know if they charge and if so, how much but it sounds worth a contact anyway. I am sure the relationship with your new partner will come in time. Does your son come to the meal table? That is often a good start, to eat a meal together as a family (not with your new partner yet)
l
Hi Louise,
I am very worried about what he is going to be doing when he is older. I really dont want him just to be sitting there as he does now. I have spoke to him about when he gets to 16 but he just doesn't seem to want to talk about it. You are right, he doesn't think he has a problem because he is just used to his life being as it is.
As for sitting at the table for dinner, unfortunately no we dont do that. He hardly eats any normal dinners, only certain things. So we never have the same dinner at the same time. In fact as he doesn't eat normal dinners I dont bother that much about doing them just for me.
Thank you for the link to the organisation. I have looked at it and will give them a call. I will let you know. The big problem I have though is getting him to be interested in anything.
Cherylb, just to confirm what Louise has said: 15 is the worst age for boys. I have one who is giving me tons of headaches and attitude. Unlike yours, he is always out though. He gets upset - seemingly for no reason - and then he can talk sense, like he is worried about school (he got expelled in October and is at an ACU at the moment) and a good job in the future. When he is 'normal' though he says he has no problems, doesn't care about school and won't mind becoming a hobo.
I also tried all the routes with CAMHS and he wouldn't talk to them at all.
You said your son is interested in motorbikes - do you know anyone who has one? So your son could learn a bit more about them? Maybe Connexions would have tester days for mechanics (they are the career advise people, I think there's a link for them on here somewhere)?
Wishing you good luck!
Great idea, Hopeful.
The meal thing is worth thinking about, Cherylb. It doesn't matter if you are eating different things, it is a ritual and part of the house routine (or you can make it so) And you need to eat properly too! It would also give you a chance to spend some time together.
Hi Hopeful,
Yes 15 isn't a good age for boys. Sometimes I wish mine was the opposite and out all the time. I expect I would be moaning about that though, never knowing what is was doing or where he was. I just want a bit in between the two I suppose. I dont have a lot of problems with attitude but thats probably because he is on the computer most of the time. You said your son was expelled and at ACU. What is that? I am also involved with CAMHS but again he wont talk to them. And unless they talk, they cant help!
There is a place called X-ers that has been spoke about. They learn about motorbikes but also do school work as well. The problem is, it is expensive and because he doesn't make any attempt to go to school they are not willing to pay out for something that he might go too once or twice then refuse to go again.
Connexions aren't around anymore. They have been replaced by a group called 4ypuk (I think). They help young people with problems to look at what they are going to do when they are 16. The lady there has been round a couple of times and I have to say that out of everything she has given me hope that there are opportunities for those leaving school without any qualifications etc. I will pass on her number if you are interested.
And yes Louise, you are right about the dinnertime problem. I really need to sort that out. I need to eat better, and he certainly does, plus we need the time together.
ACU stands for 'alternative curriculum unit' They do 5 GCSEs there which is at least something. He was hoping to go to college from September, but has today been told that he won't be able to (I am not sure what has happened there, but am obviously panicking right now!), so yes, please give me that number!
Hang in there, CherylB., you are not on your own!
Neither of my sons are here for dinner - one takes his up to his room and the other one (the one who's 15) comes in too late and microwaves his. My mum is coming to stay with us for a couple of weeks at the end of the month and I know everyone will come together a bit more then, to be nice to her. :-)
Will keep thinking and if I can think of anything I'll post here....
Hi,
Have to say its nice to know we are not alone. We all have our problems which I find quite comforting. When you dont know anyone with the same problems you tend to think you are the only one with them!
We had a tutor come to the house. They said that if he worked with the tutor it would still be possible to get come GCSEs. However he wouldn't engage and isn't bothered about it anyway so the tutor stopped coming.
I'm glad I'm not the only one with the mealtime problem. I imagine it is quite common.
What area do you live in?
NOTE FROM MODERATOR: Names and phone numbers are not permitted - sorry.
I am in Kent - have just had a quick look - Connexions are still around here and I will call them asap (can't now because I have to work on a presentation for uni). (Funny that, I lived up in Luton for ten years before moving to Kent!).
The big thing is to get them (the teenagers) motivated to do anything. I really feel for you CherylB because your son is just hiding from the world. When you have just the two of you, is there anything he likes doing? Or would he play a game with you, even if it's to do you a favour? Or is there a TV program he likes and you could watch together? Just anything to get him into the same room as you?
See, I'm really trying hard! Don't give up, we'll find something! x
Hi Hopeful (sorry sounds a bit weird to call you that),
I dont know much about this site so wasn't sure what areas it covered. Think you made a good move going to Kent! Obviously the number I just gave you wouldn't be of any use then but sure Connextions must do the same sort of thing.
I am lucky as in I live in a flat so although my son sits in his bedroom most of the time he is only a few feet away really. He does pop in and sit with me quite regularly so we do talk.
Anytime he shows an interest in anything I pick up on it quick and try to sort it out. For example he said he wanted to go boxing. Problem is he wont go on his own and his only friend doesn't want to go. The motorbikes are a problem because obviously they are expensive to buy and there would be nowhere legal to ride it. He started snowboarding a while ago but got fed up with that.
Anyway hope you get somewhere with Connextions and thanks for your help.
Hi cherylb, although I don't have a son, I have learnt from other parents, that one way to get through to them is leave leaflets around. You can say - oh I saw this the other day - don't tell them what it is just leave it on the kitchen table and leave the room, they might not pick it up straight away - but sure enough within a week curioisity might get the better of them.
Also if you have something serious to talk to them about, you have to do this whilst standing side by side rather than facing them. Apparently this works well!
You say that your son would be interested in boxing? It might be worth contacting your local gym and chatting to a trainer. Tell them that your son is interested and let him know how difficult your son finds it to come out of the house. The trainer, if he has a boxing heart, will make a step towards your son, he may visit the house, or find another way to connect with him.
It sounds as though he is willing to try stuff then, but would like someone to do it with?
Hi
I think you're in a very difficult situation.
Can you please clarify the situation with your son? Is he not at school? Is he getting help for how he has been affected by things?
Your son, at 15 has the right to choose whether or not to see his father. If he's not willing to communicate I feel you need to accept this - especially if there is a restraining order in place.
Personally, I would be getting a new sim-card so that the texting would stop. If the relationship was abusive, this could be a way of getting back under your skin.
Personally I don't think you should feel guilty. Not when you are moving on with your life. However, are you being fair on your partner by replying to the texts your ex is sending?
Only you can decide what you want to do here, but with a restraining order in place and your son not wanting to speak to him, I think you need to be listening perhaps to those around you and not to your ex. It really isn't your problem that he's ill and fallen out with everyone. Perhaps 'everyone' had a reason to fall out with him?
I'm not good at wording things and hope this doesn't come across as harsh...