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Ok new topic.
What sort of relationship do you all have with the ex's family?
well lets see er i have never mety any my ex family, hence he ad a double life miles away, just how he wanted it, ive never met any his family at all and u no wot i prob never wil
I have/had tremendous support from my in-laws. Mainly down to the fact that my father-in-law was a widower who remarried. So my ex-step-mother-in-law and I hit it off straight away.
When The Git and I first separated (back in 2004), it wasn't quite plain sailing with FiL, but my MiL gave him a lecture about needing to keep in touch with the grandchildren. So after a strained couple of visits, we carried on in the same routine, which was me taking the children to theirs on a Tuesday evening and staying for tea.
My FiL quickly realised that I had done all I can to sort things, and we then never looked back.
They have been my rock over the years, having lost my own parents. My FiL died in April last year, and insisted that I was referred to as his daughter-in-law in newspaper announcements and in the funeral service.
My MiL is still there for me and for my children.
I do realise that I have been very fortunate. Yet, had I not taken the children to see them, The Git never would have...
I more or less just face things out. I loved these people but not one of them has contacted me since this has happened but I'm planning a show down. Don't know what you all think. My blood is boililng, have so much to say
Nooo seriouslyannoyed, a show down?
I am guessing you are feeling cross that your ex went to his parents yesterday, are you feeling betrayed by this?
C'mon spill what is going on for you. Much better to do that here and think straight than let it boil inside of you and then overspill and make a huge mess.
Hiya Seriously Annoyed,
I had an OK relationship with my MIL, I remember calling her up in dispair sometimes when the ex would behave badly and she would always say "she would never take sides.." however she would never make the hour train journey (station at the bottom of her road) to come and see me we would always have to go to her (1hr 30 drive ). When the relationship all ended (much to her agreement as the ex and I fought like cat and dog verbally..) she tried to phonecall every now and then and so did I but the conversation was very strained and I really resented the fact that she expected me to come and see her still, I thought she would have made the effort to come to me.. my son was only 13 months (its like trying to mobilise a small army with the amount of stuff you have for a 13 mth old ). I had also hoped she would have been a support for me but that was never the case, her loyalties were with her son and her involvment with me would have made my ex feel uncomfortable so the relationship dwindled into pretty much nothing now... no xmas cards or phone calls but I know that she is an active person in my son's life as when my son gets back from his dad's he does mention if they had been to see her. So in short what I am trying to say in this ramble.... is as long as my son has a relationship with his nana that his dad promotes it is fine with me that she and I do not have any relationship. My ex has met someone else and I am sure she now does all the daughter in law stuff with her !!! Good luck and keep calm.... they maybe just stuck between a rock and a hard place in terms of their loyalties to you and the ex ..
No. don't mean a proper real showdown!! That was just in my head lol.Wouldn't help anybody. No his mother wasn't even in yesterday. they all have alot to process too, they hardly know this girl and she's having a baby.
The thing is that not one of them has contacted me since the baby news broke. I have spoken to his mum and told her I was hurt by that. She just said 'I don't know what to say, I still feel the same about you' That was a few weeks ago and since then both me and the kids have met the GF but she hasn't so much as phoned me to see how I felt. I think that is a shameful lack of respect. I used to be close to these people.
I wouldn't ever do anything to jeopardise their relationship with their granny, and to be honest this is annoying my parents more than me. I know my mum and in the situation, the first thing she would have done is contact the mother of her grandchildren.
I agree, SA, I am constantly amazed at in-law stories, I talk with grandparents who are sad that they have no contact with their grandchildren and then I find out how they have behaved towards the parent who is caring for those children!!!!! Conversely I am also shocked by how many grandparents totally turn their back on the children, despite effort from the parents. All we can do is to be willing to keep contact open, send cards, and news and know that we have done our part.
I don't see my family in law at all any more, although when I have bumped into them in the street or at events they have been nothing but nice to me. My ex lives with his parents so my kids get to see them every other weekend, which is great for them.
Great that when you do see them just_immi they are nice towards you, your right it is great for children to have contact with their grandparents.
i love them ... and they love me.. simple as that
They're not bad people but they have no fight in them - no real passion. I just don't always understand them!
My ex has the strangest family ever haha.
My ex hardly talks to his sister and brother and only regained contact with his father when our child was born. Basically my exs family dont really like him and thinks hes selfish.
Im in contact with the brother and sister when they can be bothered- both only seen A about 4 times in over 2 years even though they both live within driving distance. As for the exs father I stopped all contact with him as he never bothered contacting to see how A is or sent so much as a xmas or birthday card.
I make all the effort but then thought why should I when its THEIR niece. I was fed up with making arrangements just for them to cancel last minute- I dont class them as family anymore
Well they know where you are, so as long as you are open to them making contact, which you are 
It feels as if since A was born, you have had to re think quite a lot of things, eg the way you imagined her dad might be, of the way his family might be, as you have felt disappointed in them. The good news is that it is one (huge) way to decide what our OWN values will be and this has been a massive life lesson for you, life is made up of lessons really and sometimes I think by the time we would know everything we need to know, we would be 100.
Ah interesting topic. My boys are grown up now and they still see their dad's family, I would never have stood in the way of that. Their dad's dad has always disliked me and although they still send birthday and Christmas cards, there is no other contact really. They were on the phone a lot while the boys were younger and as they live a long way away, we went through a stage where I would take them to a motorway service station and their grandparents would pick them up from me. I found them really unsupportive while I was struggling to bring up the boys on my own.
How about you, SA?