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hi i split up in may this year after 17 year being married . i found out my ex was having affair then on one of his visits he hit me and i suffered a broken hand to which im still under the hospital. we have 2 boys aged 6 and 10 , the older one saw what his dad did to me and jumped on his back to get him off me . i have took him to the doc who sent me to cams then next week i got someone coming from family support to see if they can help in counselling for him. as he hates his dad, says he doesnt want to see him then goes on to wish he was dead as the pain will go the youngest son is quite and wont talk . he never saw anything as he was in bed . the police were called and action is taken against my ex . when he was coming he never seemed to bother really with them always on his moblie or wanting to go so that as hurt them and he would call them mates . the older one wanted all photos of him to go away and he wanted me not to call him dad or daddy any more if i had to mention him it had to be by his name . is this normal for children ? is there anything else i can do to help them i tell them i love them and they can talk to me when they want both keep saying to me find a new daddy to make us happy again and that hurts
Hi shaz. The poor little mite. You're doing the right things by reassuring him all the time. It'll take time, but he will be fine. Glad he is seeing someone next week. Take care. xx
Hi shaz 5, I agree with Louise, your boys are showing very normal behaviour after what they have been through and I think you are doing all the right things too.
I love what Louise has said about the Team *****, it is important that they know that you are a unit and don't need another man to be a complete family. You need to have that belief too though.
thanku all i will try that idea of team we have lots of cuddles and kisses and i tell them all the time i love them and i will never leave we all three have got to go through the emotions not just me they too are hurting but see me hurting they feel they cant talk to me but i have got counselling going hopefully so that will help them
You will get through this, it is going to be tough on you and the boys, I wonder if you can say to them,
'Do you know what even if I look like I am hurting/miserable and not coping, you can still say anything to me and I will listen, because what you have to say and what you think is very important to me'
I am sure you have said this, but just another thought.
Aw shaz your poor lad is so hurt and stunned that he cannot bear to think of his dad....children can idolise their parents and finding out that they can do bad things is a terrible shock and has rocked his world. Thank heavens he has a lovely mum like you! It all sounds very normal to me. Glad you are getting some support as they will be able to assess what is going on for your boys.
I am sure you keep reassuring them about how much you love them and you will never leave them, but do this till you are blue in the face. Tell them how lucky you are to have two lovely boys and that you love them to the moon and back, and lots of cuddles of course, as far as you can manage with your poor hand. By all means call their dad by his name instead of dad if that is what they want. Tell them you will keep them safe and that you do not need a new daddy, you are ok on your own, in fact why not invent a team name..."we are Team (whatever) and we are OK" and make up your own chant and salute with a few high fives in it, for your good hand....and you can do this as a sort of ritual to gee yourselves up? My boys always loved that sort of thing.