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Hi Everybody,
ive just come across this site and thought it might help provide some support.
Ive been seperated for almost four years now following a sixteen year marriage. Im very lucky and still have a good relationship with my children even though i live some distance from them.
When my ex wife and i seperated it was greed verbally that i would continue to pay the joint mortgage and also pay all joint debt, i felt this was a fair conclusion as the house would be put in to my name only since the equity was near equal to the volume of joint debt. Unfortunatley lawyer proceedings to arrange this stopped and my ex wife is unwilling to discuss the matter. I Earn just over the limit for legal aid and im not in a position to pay lawyer fee's.
My 14 year old daughter has recently moved back in with me and i would like to secure the property in my own name. Ive continued to pay the mortgage and joint debt, but im worried that ill be forced to sell the house at a later date. its an old house that still requires alot of fixing which i do in my spare time when spare cash is available. I honestly feel like walking away as my future is so uncertain.
any advice or even moral support would be greatly appreciated. sorry for rambling on.
regards
Barry
Hi Louise,
many thanks for the response, ive taken your advice and sent off an email to the legal expert.
I think its going quite well with my daughter K, im trying my best to be fair and instill some ground rules at the same time. We had her first parents night last Tuesday and she has settled in well. Im not too sure what to expect as far as helping around the home goes, but its early days yet.
thanks again
Hi Barry 1970,
I have just been chatting to you on the other thread.
You will just have to see how your daughter settles in. I have to tell you that I am a great believer in youngsters having jobs around the house as the others on here would tell you (heh heh) Think of it as preparing them for adult life! My son is 17 now and for the last two years he has had a regime of: wash the pots every night and once a week he hoovers the whole house, tidies his bedroom and washes the bathroom and toilet floor. He knows I work, I cook, I shop and do the laundry and it makes us a team together.
Anyway I am sure that others will say hello to you on the other thread 
thanks, i think what i need to do is discuss with my daughter what chores i feel she should be responsible for. So very true, i think we all need structure of some sort in life, being an ex-military man its helped me.. dont worry i dont intend to run a boot camp lol.
thanks again for your help and advice
Hi barry1970
I was going to suggest you discuss with your daughter which chores she thinks she should/could do. I think Louise's point about being a 'team' is really important when raising your children on your own.
This thread is about joint debt and mortgage, so I won't get into other conversation here until you have had feedback from the legal expert. Do let us know how it goes and if you do have any legal powers to be able to move forward with your house.
Hi Anna,
how very true, i think doing chores together when possible crteates a better bond rather than ' these are my chores and those are yours'. its still early days and im still trying to organise some structure for us both. i think living on my own kinda got me out of the way of having structure in my day.
With ref to the mortgage, i spoke to my ex partner this morning and she assures me that the house and debt have been signed over to me, im hoping that we can continue to keep communications open as my two sons live with thier mother and id like to be in a position to help out if i can when needed.
thanks again for your input, its much appreciated.
You are always welcome!
I bet that is a massive weight off your mind knowing that the house and debt have been signed over to you.
How often do you get to see your sons?
yes definatley, i think just knowing where i stand helps. I last saw my sons at christmas and will see them again at easter, then summer... so its usually during the holidays. ill need to work things around my daughters school holidays.
I do hope that things will be sorted amicably Barry...
Hi barry1970, do the children get on with each other?
As they are older I guess its nice for them to hang out together whilst you are working, if you have to, although will you be able to take time off during the easter hols?
Hi Sparklinglime, yes me too. It would certainly make things alot easier for both of us. i know my ex partner and i wont get back together but would like to maintain some kind of friendly communication even for the childrens sake. Kids dont always tell us whats going on in thier lives and its that part which i find difficult. thanks
Hi Anna,
Id say the chidren get on most of the time. My oldest son often appears angry though at how his younger sibbling conducts himself. D isnt a bad child but has had a few run ins with the law and tends to do not alot around his mothers home. He recently lost his apprenticeship through non attendance at college, which has further heated the situation. ive maybe not explained myself very well but my two sons live with thier mother and my daughter lives with me. time off work is booked for the easter holidays, im so looking forward to catching up with the family.
Hi barry1970, i did get that your boys aren't with you. I was thinking that as the 3 of them don't get to hang out too much, that if you had to work over the hols, then they would enjoy 'their' time.
I can imagine your eldest gets quite frustrated with his brother, especially if he is quite conscientous. What a shame that he lost his apprenticeship, did he enjoy it or is he more interested in other things?
Hi Anna, sorry for the confusion lol. Ill be travelling down to the boys home in april with my daughter, so no work there, just catch up time with family and friends.
My son was struggling with the academic side of the apprenticeship and worked along side his papa while doing the practical work, unfortunatley he doesnt get on with his papa so wasnt quite enjoying it. Im just hoping something turns up soon, but he's not very motivated. Ive suggested that he takes time out and comes up to me and his sister for a week, id like to be able to sit down with him and help him through any problems that he's having.
What a great idea! Do you think that is something that he will take you up on?
Hello Barry1970
Welcome to One Space. It certainly seems as if you need to find out your options. Luckily we have a Legal Expert who can gove you some free advice.Click here and fill in the form to email her.
How are things working out with your daughter?