Hi I'm J and have been separated by choice for 3 years. My ex took it badly. I agreed to sell the house (silly me) three years ago in mediation, ex took me to court to reduce price & won even though I had 3 independant valuations, all £15k higher that what was agreed in court. I did not take a solicitor as I could not afford one (my son 19 has aspergers & gets DLA so he helps me pay the bills, because I get this help I do not qualify for legal aid). I lost my job last year, judge said it was irrelevant & so were the market valuations. I have complained as he did not let me state my case. I have children to my ex & all he cares about is the money, not the welfare of his kids. I am just living in fear for the next stage as he can reduce it again & I am concerned about where we will live. I also have to pay his legal fees for him taking ME to court, how can I afford £1,000? My boiler has just broke so no water or heating until fixed, can't afford it (ex won't pay half of cost) insurance does not cover, warm front grant ran out do not qualify now because on WTC, although I have not been paid for 2 weeks cannot get any emergency funding. Sourced CAB, autistic societies & charities to apply for loan/grant but no joy. No shower for 2 years (broke). Got involved with another guy (silly me) turn out to be an alcoholic & causing trouble. I really am at breaking point! God is testing me. Despite all this I am trying to set up my own bookkeeping business, do any job to get money in the house (got rid of luxuries, sky, gym, gone onto interest only mortgage) going to car boot sales to sell bits I don't use, buying from charity shops. I reall am stony broke not sure where next bit of food is coming from, no family or friends to give support/advice. I am also a Samaritan, doing a College course, raising 2 kids and just about keeping my head above water. Smiling thro gritted teeth.
Hello J and welcome to One Space
Firstly, if you are using your real name, please change this. Go to Your Profile at the top right hand of the home page, the click the edit tab and change your user name and click Save 
Such a lot has been going on for you, You must keep thinking "right surely things can't get any worse" and then they do. Well done to you for keeping going and also for endeavouring to set up your own business.Have you still got this guy causing you hassle?
Moneywise, you have already done a lot of research as to whether you could get any financial help at this time, and it sounds as if you have drawn a blank. The Family Fund, always so helpful, only considers families with a seocial needs child under 18. We do have our own Money Expert on here, you could email and ask for suggestions?
There is lots of friendly support and advice on here and I hope you will stick around so we can get to know you better!
Thanks, this website is ace, wish I had found it sooner. I will be glad to get rid of the house, too many memories plus it costs a fortune to run. I won't miss it either. Happiness is important beyond anything else. I really take my hat off to you sparklinglime, you are a true strength of character.
Material things really do not matter. I am a volunteer at Samaritans in my spare time so really have no cause to complain about my life, but sometimes it would be nice if someone gave me a hug once in a while & tell me it's going to be OK. Amazing how something so simple can lift one's spirit,
Thank Louise I will be logging on every day as a source of inspiration. I will turn every stone in terms of support.
My aim is to set up my own Bookeeping biz & also pilot a weight management programme this year. I will do it, I am determined.
Time to believe in myself!
I can achieve and will achieve. I am at my most strongest when the odds are against me. Oh check me out! lol. x
Jazz you might find that you can form a bond with some of the other Samaritans? I used to be with them before I had the children and we had a thing called a Sam-hug, which helped each other along. And we can send you some virtual hugs (sparkling lime is very good at those)
Have a look at our thread about the positive side of single parenting here
I do admire. you for being a volunteer with the Samaritans. I know I'd never have the strength to do that.
And yes, a virtual hug from me too. I do know they're not adequate, but reading through threads, words do fail me when I see what people are going through.
Hi Jazz, welcome from me :)
It sounds as though you can laugh in the face of adversity!
Are you claiming Child Support from your ex? Does he have contact with your children?
Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement. Words fail me too when I see what people are going through.
Hi Anna thanks for the welcome, we all have good days & bad. I am claiming CSA & h does not have contact with his children. He did up until lasy year, they only wanted to see him not his new family but he said all or nothing so they chose nothing. He is blaming me for this saying I influenced them but they are 13 & 19 so can decide for themselves. I'm not bitter about the equity loss in the house, just angry that he doesn't care where his children will end up living.
Keep smiling everyone, virtual, sams & bigs hugs all round. Be proud never stop fighting for hat you believe in. (not sure I will this strong tomorrow). lol ! xxxxxxxx
Hi Jazz, we will have our up and down days, but your post sounds lovely and strong!
You are right your children are absolutely old enough to decide how they want to see their dad. You three are a team and now they are getting older hopefully you can have some fun together!
What do you enjoy doing as a family?
Hi
I think a lot of us do smile through gritted teeth, sadly.
The laughingly called family home had to be sold in my case to pay off my ex's debts. I also had to sell my car... Lost everything and started agan. I was 42 (this is 8 years ago now). I have four children, and then the oldest was 12 and youngest was 5. My third child has autism/aspurger's.
Perhaps the sooner the house is sold the easier things will be? I have not missed the house for a second.
I know I'll never own a house again, but now I'm coming up to 50 it is something I accept.