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hi just been told that my partner of 13 years is leaving, we have one child who is 8 and has severe dyslexia and adhd, i am devastated, i am also terrified, how are we going to pay the mortgage, how will we pay the bills, dont know if we can get through this.
my boy has only just settled and begun to improve at school it would be a nightmare to have to start again at a new school, i have had 3 panic attacks in 2 days, i know i have to be strong for my son but i dont know how.
Hi mumzila and welcome to One Space.
I am sorry to hear your news, you are obviously in a state of despair.
Firstly why not sit down and take a breather. I know that the future looks scary but you will get through it, but you do have to look after yourself.
Remember that you do not and can not do everything all in one go, this is a process and you will need to take one day at a time. Or in these early days, one hour at a time.
There are the practical things that will need to be taken care of, have a look at Help I have just beome a single parent and I don't know what to do, this gives a lot of information on what actions you will need to take.
It might be worth getting a notebook and put some headings in it including Housing, Legal, Money, Benefits, Bills etc as it can feel like a minefield to deal with, so by breaking it down into smaller pieces it becomes more manageable.
Then under each heading write a task that you need to deal with in regards to that heading. So for instance under Housing, your task might be 'Look on Shelter website', then the next day you can tick that off and add new task ie 'Contact mortgage providers', then 'Ask One Space Housing expert about XYZ'
This will keep everything clear.
The other thing that you will be coping with is the emotional aspect of the breakup. For now, don't worry about where your son will go to school etc, this will sort itself out in time and worrying about it will not help anyone at the moment.
Is your ex planning on leaving the home straight away?
hi thanks for the good advice, he told me he is leaving next week but now says he has no idea when he is going, he is walking around the house ignoring me and making a fuss of our son,as though to make me feel excluded, i dont know why he is acting like this, he is really anoyed that i have arranged to see a benefits advisor without telling him first, i think he may be having some sort of breakdown, i just want him out of the house so we can move on..
I'm glad you're seeing someone for advise. It can help knowing how things are going to be.
Will you need to leave the area even if you find you need to move? Thinking of your son's school...
When I first left I moved 13 miles away from the children's schools. It was the only thing in their live that I was able to keep the same, and my third child has autism/aspurger's. I kept the schools informed, and the primary school was fantastic.
Hi mumzila
Welcome to One Space
You must look after yourself right now, and your son of course. I am glad you have an appointment to find out about the money side of things. It's easy in this sort of turmoil to feel paralysed, yet if you steel yourself and get all the information together then it puts you in a much stronger position as things unfold. I would also encourage you to get some legal advice pretty early on, although maybe best to wait until you know where he is actually going etc.
We are here to help you through this. As Hopeful says, do go and see your GP if you are finding it hard to cope.
Hey Mumzila,
welcome to this site - everyone here is really friendly and full of good tips and advice, and one of the parenting experts will be along shortly, too.
I am so sorry you are facing such difficult times - a massive change, especially when it's neither wanted nor expected is always scary. But you CAN get through this, and you will - like you say yourself, you have to be strong for your son, and mums turn into real fighters for their children. So with a bit of support from friends and family - and here is a bit like friends and family, too - you will make it!
For the panic attacks I can only advise deep breaths and counting slowly to a hundred, or if they persist, go to your GP and explain the situation to him/her.
Anna, Louise and Sally (the parenting experts) have lots of ideas for legal experts and money experts (I'd put a link here, but I've still not worked out how, but if you search this whole site, you'll probably find them). You will also find people in similar situations to yours, so you can share ideas with each other.
See, you are not alone, so hang in there! x