Hey all,
stumbled on this place and wish i'd done it sooner!
I'm 42 year old dad of two kids, one boy 11, one girl 14 with ASD, disabled, epileptic and severe learning difficulties.
Mother walked out on us in May 2011 after i discovered she'd been seeing somebody else for at least a year and left me with both kids and although she does see them, she's effectivley washed her hands of them. Not coughing up maintenance, or contribruting in any way.
In the process of divorce, hoping to have it concluded soon but things always seem to get in the way, biggest one being lack of time 
Quite enjoying being single again although i do miss adult conversation and somebody to share the load. At least i can get on the xbox now without being moaned at eh?..........
Hi Liquid Xi
I have just been chatting to you on the other thread. The adult conversation....yes...many of us find the evenings are the hardest. We have a chit chat room (it is not live chat but you will see we leave mesages for each other and keep up with the day to day stuff there)
it's very hard to have the other parent just walk away but lots of us have ahd the same experience and you are amongst friends here 
Hi Louise,
thanks for taking the time to reply to my posts, just heading out to collect my son from after school club, haven't had chance to read your other reply but will do so asap.
Glad to find a place like this where we're all pretty much in the same boat
Hi Liquid-Xi
Welcome to One Space - point to note, I believe we have now set these message boards, so that you automatically get notified if a new comment is posted.
I will double check with our techy whizz, but if that is the case, we can remove the check box, so thanks for pointing that out! We are forever trying to improve the site!
It sounds as though you have been on a very rocky road, but you can see the end is near. Isn't it funny the things that we find we love to do and take great pleasure in doing, once the ex has left. It's not all bad eh?!
How are the children? I imagine a lot of your time is taken up looking after your daughter, does your son help? Do you ever get some 'boy' time together? Do you have family and friends that support you close by?
So many questions, just want to get the low down!
Hey Anna
Thank you for your reply :-)
To be honest it will be a relief to get things concluded, apart from anything else i can't stand the damned headaches everytime i see the number pop up on my phone.
You're correct, it has been very difficult for me, never was a very hands on dad but there was no way i was letting the kids go. Since September i have had very little break from the kids, i refused to let my children be in a house with a bloke that just walked in off the street. Before she left, we both agreed that we would get any future partner to consent to a enhanced CRB check. This became doubly important when a mutual friend of ours contacted me to tell me that her new bloke had been sending unsolicited and "disgusting" messages to her friend, even when she requested him to stop, he continued to do it, even while he was messing around with my wife while we were together!
I guess i could have used this as ammo but instead kept it to myself until she refused to get him CRB'd, then the brown stuff hit the fan. In the end it turned out that as an individual, you can't get a CRB done on yourself or another individual. I went through soicial services and they refused to do one, saying they had no reason, despite me showing them the messages - and believe, i'm no prude but they were nasty..... When i did eventually tell the ex, she said she didn't care as long as he wasn't doing it now.... well, that was the final straw........... all my family and her family had been CRB'd a year earlier because they could be involved in my daughters personal care, it's ridiculous, they had to be but some disgusting geezer can walk in off the streets and start changing my daughter's clothes or bathing her. In the end i did get something sorted but no thanks to those two who seemed hell bent on blocking any kind of check at every turn - which only made me more suspicious!
Anyway, she said if the kids weren't allowed to stay at the house, she wouldn't see them at all - a promise that she stuck to until christmas, frankly i was at my wits end and it was lucky that i had managed to get a check done a week before.
I have no family living within 50 miles of me, my daughter does get respite care from the council once a month but sadly most of that free time is used catching up on paperwork or sleep.
It's been very hard on my son, he understands the reason why she didn't see them for so long but that doesn't make it any easier for him, especially when it seems like his mother has more time for her new blokes kids than her own. As for my daughter, she's pretty much oblivious to what's happened, as long as she has her music and swing, she doesn't seem to give a damn.
My son although only 11 is pretty good, he does help but he's to wrapped up in his xbox most of the time. He seems to make more mess than my daughter!
So that's my story........ sad innit 
Hi Liquid-Xi
I hope you and the children did enjoy Christmas.
It's good you have respite care in place with your daughter - even if it does 'only' give you time to catch up with things. It can be so hard with no family near by to help.
Glad you've found the board, as it is a really good place to feel you have some support.
hi Liquid-Xi - great people on here so hope you will find us a friendly bunch -
Hi Liquid-Xi
It is quite a big shift for you then, if you were never really a hands on dad. Would you consider doing a Parenting Programme? (Only the best parents do these you know!!) You might find it helpful for when you have to deal with certain behaviours. To learn new techniques etc.
Are you in touch with Contact a Family? They provide an excellent service for Families with disabled children.
Also have a look at the Family Holiday Association, they can give you a list of grant giving charities so that your family can have a break in the summer. Now is a good time to get your application form in.
Glad to hear that your son is coping well, do try and spend some quality time with him and ensure that he knows that you appreciate his support.
You made me laugh when you said that he is wrapped up with his xbox, because I think his dad would be too if he could!!
Has your son started senior school this year? Is he enjoying it?
Thank you for your welcome, you certainly are and i wish i'd come across this site sooner!
Hi Anna,
Yes, it's been a big shift but i think i'm doing ok - at least most of the ex's friends think so! That's the thing, after 16 years her friends are my friends, my friends are her friends although she has cut most off them, hers and mine, out of her life. Idiot!
Would i consider a parenting program? Not at this time, that doesn't mean i wouldn't consider it in the future if i felt i would benefit from it. Time is at a premium and i am still involved with my local parenting council for disabled children. My children are well behaved most of the time and in fact, i'm very proud of the way they've handled what has happened. My son in particular has been a great help, even though he insists on walking round with the worlds biggest frown lolool
Yes, i've been in contact with Contact A Family for a long time, and they certainly are a goldmine of information.
Not a big fan of XBOX, several years ago i realized i was spending too much time in front of it and letting other stuff slip by. Nowadays, i spend what little free time i have mixing music videos and creating new mixes.
M, my son starts senior school in September because of his birthday but i'm quite happy about that as he struggles with his writing and has benefitted a great deal from the extra time - he's not so happy about it though!
Thanks Sparklinglime,
Christmas was very different this year but overall it was ok. What with everything that has happened this year i thought i'd push the boat out and give the kids everything they wanted. It was expensive but worth the smiles and for the moment, they're so wrappe up in all the new stuff, they aren't bugging me too much - and i'm still getting unlimited cuppas :-D
Hi Liquid-Xi
It sounds as though you are doing a brilliant job, I am so glad that you are in contact with Contact A Family. Have you ever taken a holiday with them??
It sounds as though you have a good circle of support around you, which is so important when parenting alone. You say your family are over 50 miles away, do you get to see them much?
Thank you Anna, Just doing the best i can, bumbling along. No, i haven't taken a holiday with them. I always use Butlins as is fab for somebody with autism - no charges you see lolol
Don't really get to see anybody much, it's very rural where i am, and the costs involved in getting to North Wales are prohibitive unfortunatley :-(
Hi Liquid-Xi
Thats interesting that you don't have to pay to go to Butlins. Does your daughter enjoy it?
er, i think you misunderstood - once there more or less everything is free is what i meant! As my daughter has autism she never has enough of swimming, fairground rides etc, at butlins, she can stay in the fairground all day and it don't cost me a bean - happy days! She loves it there, it's really well set up for disabled people - except for one lift going up to a 2000 people capacity club, but generally it's great, really good entertainment there too. Always go all inclusive, saves a fortune in the long run and no washing up :-DD
Ha ha! Sorry LX! I see what you are saying now!
It sounds as though she has a thoroughly brilliant time! Does your son enjoy it too? Does he get to take a buddy with him, or is he quite happy playing with you two?
Yes he does enjoy it, obviously he has to hang around a bit but he does get to take a friend so it's all good :-D
Hi Liquid-Xi
Firstly welcome to One Space from me
I have just been catching up with the threads, so have just come across your post, i have to say in the circumstances you are doing remarkedly well, remaining up beat and positive in your situation is a feat in itself, i would imagine other users will find your post inspiring.
Hi Sally,
Thank you for your kind words. I'm just here trying to do the best that i can for my kids, like all of us here i guess :-)
Hi Liquid-Xi, how was your weekend?
Hi Anna,
Weekend was great, spent it with friends partying while the kids were away, felt great to be doin' it to - just what the doctor ordered!
Glad you had a great weekend Liquid-Xi, it's amazing how restorative having time to yourself is, though those times can tend to be few and far between
Whats on your agenda for this week?
Hi Sally
Birthday on the 20th, i've managed to arrange for the kids to be elsewhere, my friends are sorting out "something"....... so more partying probably, after that it's nose to the grindstone while i attempt to lose some more of the weight i piled on while i was married. Lost 6st between may and september, mainly because i was so depressed and didnt eat, took the kids on holiday as it had already been booked and started piling it back on. Managed to keep of 4st, lost a 12.5lb last week even with the partying! Lost 3lb this week and i'm in a good place at the moment so i'm hoping i can drop a few more this year.
Hey, partying sounds good! It reminds you of who you are other than a parent, nurse, taxi, chef, cleaner etc etc etc. It sounds like you had fun!
It sounds as though you are getting in control of your weight and that is a really positive thing! I used My Fitness Pal, you input everything you eat and it tells you what calories you have had for the day. I found it really useful to control my intake of rubbish foods! I definately cut down on the amount that eat too!
Great to hear that your buddies have something planned for your birthday, something to look forward to eh?
Hey Anna,
you're right, all of the above , focusing mainly on cleaner it feels like!
I stick with slimming world, counting calories and excerise dont agree with me
TBH, i'm a bit concerned as to what they may have in store for my birthday - last time we ended up in Inverness............
Ha ha! How exciting! 
At least its not your stag do, a couple of months ago there was a bloke standing in his boxers chained to some railings on a main shopping street, his friends had undressed him, attached him and then left him. Hilarious.....(hhmmmm, not really sure for who tho', his buddies I guess!)
What plans do you know of at this moment? Where are your kids going to be?
SOOO Liquid-Xi, how was your birthday, do tell us all, including the bits you really shouldn't tell!
oh yeah, keep forgetting to check the "notify box"... doh!