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My husband moved out two weeks ago to stay with his parents. The split is permanent. He says he will pay the mortgage (two children 15 & 19). He says I need to pay all the household bills. I am happy to do this however he has not stated how much maintainance he will be paying for our youngest. Infact he has lots of ideas and thoughts but as yet has done nothing about anything.
I am going to move all direct debits for household bills to my account and will borrow some money from a family member to top up until he pays maintainance. Left to him this will take months to even start the ball rolling so I am going to sort it all next week.
I am rambling rather but can i legitimately ask him for his house keys back.. I dont want him coming and going as he pleases when i am not here. I think I am justified but welcome other opinions. I am seeking legal advice but until today I did not know if there was anyway back.
Thanks in advance
Hello notebook, that is what we are here for, to give a friendly ear and
hopefully some pointers to help. You are going through an extremely difficult
time and it must be hard to know where to turn.
Sparkling is right, if the house is in joint names, which I am thinking it
is, as you have a mortgage. The solicitor will tell you about that.Very annoying
as of course you do not want him coming and going, you can ASK for the key back
though he may say huh I am paying for the house so I will come when I want.
You talked about your finances. As a short term measure it is fine for him
to pay the mortgage (he may well be thinking that is IT in terms of money!) but
in the longer term you need to think about the future. Whilst it is good to
make a private agreement about money rather than going through the CSA, CSA
guidelines say that he would have to pay you approx 15% of his salary, as you
have one child still in non-advanced education and it would be for you to
manage the family budget and pay the mortgage AND the bills.
Have a think about this. Is it viable in the longer term? Would the mortgage
company transfer the mortgage to your sole name? ie will your income support
it? Eventually your finances get sorted out in court if this split is permanent
and you get divorced. Sorry that this is harsh but I remember facing the same
thing during my own separation and no-one ever spelled this out to me in black
and white and I was really shocked to discover it a long way down the line, so
I always think it is better to know what you are dealing with, and then you can
make choices and decisions.
Stick with us and we can support you as you go through this difficult time.
Take care of yourself. Do you have family and friends to talk to about the
emotional impact of all this?
Thank you for your replies. He wants to be by best friend!! Am struggling with this one, lol.
I cannot quite cover the bills even with working tax credits, he has said he will pay maintainance but not how much, this amount will then depend if i can just about survive.
There is no way I can take on the mortgage. Obviously I am going to have to get my arse into gear in the not too distant future, I mean how long is he expected to pay it for. His parents, whom I am very close too has said that under no circumstances am I to allow him to move the children from the only home they no at the moment.
He has agreed that I can have half of his pension, even if I meet/ marry someone else! This pension, due to his profession is considerable (so much for the retirement place together in the sun I was thinking of). This all sounds great but i realise that if a new woman comes on the scene this may change.
He has run up considerable debt over the years which naturally is half mine now :)
He wants to go to a financial mediator which is a good idea.
I really just dont want him coming and going, which i am not sure he even will as he is being so nice about everything, but is he really being nice!? This man have known since I was 11 years old is no lonnger the person I thought he was.
You must be reeling in shock, poor you, after all that time together. Hope you are looking after yourself.
There is no time limit for these things but the financial mediator sounds a great idea, much better to make plans between you and then just have the court rubber-stamp them than some random judge make decisions FOR you. The nice-ness is great, and long may it last, but it may not and so you must get strategies in place to protect yourself and your position, as your solicitor will tell you. It may be that "staying in the home" is one of the things you can agree at mediation. Sometimes the parent without majority care gets a charge over the property so that they get their percentage share paid out when the youngest reaches 18, and that would give you a couple of years breathing space at least!
I'm so, so sorry.
I can sort of understand the shock, as I'm afraid my ex ran up a load of debt too.
I hope you are able to sort out solutions.
Sorry you're facing this.
Hi notebook, visit Shelter, they have all you need to know info for when a relationship breaks down and there are housing/mortgage issues etc.
I imagine it must be very strange him being so understanding, its funny that you question about how 'nice' he is being. I guess you will find out at the financial mediation if there is anything he is trying to keep you sweet about :)
Best of luck with it, let us know how it goes.
Hi
I can understan where you're coming from here, but is the house in joint names?
If so, then you cannot legally stop him from entering the house.
You're certainly not rambling, as all of this process is so upsetting and confusing.