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Hi, I am new to this forum. Finding this hard to even type, so I know I have a problem, and need help. I have been separated for over a year, and Im doing ok, but my confidence is really low.
I was physically abused for about 8 years, then mentally for another 15. I thought it was in the past, but Im not so sure I am over it. I dont even feel as if I can go to the doctors about it. Im nervous all the time, worry all the time, and Im fed up with feeling like this. Im not even sure its the past abuse doing this, or just the way I am. Family think Im fine, but I think Im ready to cry out.
I worked at the doctors part-time for a while, so I know all the staff there. I do seem to get myself into situations, where nothing is easy (lol). Also I feel as if I am making a fuss, and wanting attention. I know they my doctor would not be easy to talk to :(
oh dear that is tricky - is there another doctor at the practice you could see - remember that they have to keep it confidential - I see people that I used to work with at my doctors but they just say hi and book me in - they never ask how I am!
it depends whether you feel you need medical help or there would be another form of help out there
I personally started taking St John's Wort - did it for 3 months and I felt it really helped - I also take Bach Flower Remedies when I feel anxious
There are other herbal remedies like Kalmes etc that can help too
Perhaps something calming to get you to the doctors might be the key - or would a friend come with you
If you find that another doctor is not an option perhaps you could write down what you want to say
for example - I am feeling really low, I feel anxious and nervous all the time. I want to do something about it and that is the reason I am here today
Its up to the doctor then to ask you questions
Hi help me now - thank you for coming on here and sharing what is going on for you. It sounds like it was difficult for you to do, however as lrh has said, this is the first step to a brighter future. 
You have experienced many years of abuse - so yes - I would imagine a lot of what is going on for you currently has some of its roots in the voilent and emotional assaults you have experienced.
Would you consider contacting your local womens domestic abuse resource centre? They will be able to help you work through some of the emotions you are facing at the moment, you can call the free 24 hour hotline number on 0808 2000 247 for a chat too.
It sounds as though you are still carrying a lot on your shoulders and your friends and family don't know it. How long have you been separated? Is he still in your or your childrens lives?
Hi help me now. Welcome along. I'm glad you found the courage to write about your experience. It was hard for you to do, like you said, but well done for doing it I'm not surprised your confidence is low, it's taken a bashing over the years, but now you've felt able to talk about it, hopefully we'll all be able to support you.
Have you ever spoken to your family about what happened with the ex? Could you perhaps change your GP's practice if you don't feel comfortable where you are at the moment?
How old are your children?
Look forward to 'chatting'.
Hi, thanks for all your advice.
Lrh,I took Kalms for a few months, but they didnt really help, may try the St Johns Wort.
I think half the problem is that I feel silly, it was quite some time ago (15yrs approx), that the physical abuse ended, and yet Im still in the same place mentally. Family knew about it, and were so glad when I ended the relationship (just over a year ago). They are v supportive, but we dont really talk about it. I think maybe I need to talk things through in detail and get it all of my chest, maybe if a professional could just say, "this is why you are such a state!" lol.
I dont think anyone realises how bad it is, and how affected I am.
He is still on the scene, and is quite a changed person now. He had issues, which I thought I could change. In the end I gave up trying, when the children werent happy. The kids seem much better now, not that they will ever know about the physical side (that was before them). They see him a little each week. I know they are safe, and they are old enough to tell me everything. (They are 15 and 11). They are so sensible. My daughter gave me the strength to end the relationship, and reminds me regularly that it wouldnt take him long to revert to his old ways, should he return.
I will consider the womens abuse centre, maybe when kids are at school. Thanks
Hi help me now, you named this thread lack of confidence and I am wondering if there is a Confidence Building course at you local community centre or womens centre.
However I imagine that it is something a little more than just confidence. You may be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Although this is often associated with war veterans, research is now showing that survivors of abuse experience the same symptoms. Not only have they seen and been involved in horrific incidents, these happened in the supposedly most secure place in the world - your home and commited by the one person in the world you should be able to trust - your partner. So pretty traumatic stuff.
Although the physical abuse occurred 15 years ago, I don't think you had any time to recover from it in a healthy way, as the emotional abuse came to the fore.
I think you are recognising that you may need some professional support to get through this, so I would strongly urge you to contact one of the below numbers so that you can take charge of your life again and begin to enjoy the rest of your life.
Womens Aid - 0808 2000 247
Mind - 0300 123 3393
Are you feeling sometimes that you would like to take your partner back?
Anna,
I suppose the lack of confidence is the main prob at the mo, as its holding me from doing a lot of things. I had a 'Work Programme' meeting, and on the questionnaire I mentioned that confidence was a problem. Fingers crossed they will give me a confidence course.
Sometimes I dont feel as if there is a problem at all, you know what its like, so much to do, no time to think. I will try and look the Freedom Programme when I can.
Sometimes I do feel as if I would want him back, but I woudnt do that to my children. X
It's really important to look after yourself even though you are busy with the children, help me now. I know there is half term next week but after that they go back to school for a few weeks and you have some child free time. What could you plan? The Freedom Programme is a great start and I was wondering if you could meet other parents...the women's abuse helpline would put you in touch with any services in your area.
Help me now You are soooo brave, you've made the first step. I think alot of people feel low, vulnerale and have no confidence when you first excape the abuse. Yes like others have suggested please log into the 'Freedom programme' it's so good. The people on this site are so supportive. I don't really say much to my family either and they mainly think I'm doing fine, so by finding this site you've just made a whole bunch of friends who believe in you, and can support you. :) xx
Hi there,
I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship with someone who I have very recently come to suspect of having a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The relationship lasted around 18months - 2years and I ended it during my pregnancy, which is now around 4 hyears ago. Obviously I have had to have contact with Mr. NPD for my son's sake, but during that time he's basically called the shots and made life difficult and essentially continued to abuse me from a far.
I have had quite a bit of therapy which I think was probably what gave me the strength to leave him and the clarity to see that it he is abusive, but it's taken a loooooong time to get this far.
And (not that it's a competition) but your story has covered a much longer period than mine, so it stands to reason that if I'm hugely traumatised by my experience, why wouldn't you be traumatised by yours?! If you can afford therapy, I'd start down that road - it makes a huge difference. But it's the start of a long journey.
And you know what? It's ok to want attention and to need attention!!! Especially under these circumstances. There's no shame in being needy when there's good reason to be (something I learned in my first therapy session when I was 3months pregnant)! You've been through years of not having any of your needs met and you matter! So demand a bit of attention - whether it's from your doctor or from an abuse survivors organisation or other professional.
For me, recovery has gone in stages and I've had high points and low points and I've given therapy a break and gone back to it when something sets off a new spiral of trauma. Now, I realise that I need to spend some time talking things through with other survivors and to try to spend some time figuring out what happened to me - I think I had started to wonder if it was abuse I experienced - especially since a lot of people were kind of telling me to allow it to continue for my son's sake.
Stay strong and don't try to rush things.
xxxxx
Hi EmmaJ thank you for your brilliant post, it really is a journey that we have to embark on to move forward with our lives and I absolutely agree that we need to reach out to as many people/organisations as possible.
I look forward to talking with you more
As one survivor to another - one of my favourite phrases - It is better to have loved and lost than live with the psycho for the rest of your life 
Thank you all for your great advice and support. I have just completed the Freedom Programme. It was quite an eye openener, at how much of it I recognised, and somehow seemed to deny to myself was actually abuse.
I would like some type of therapy, but I think Im also scared of opening it all up again 
.
On the plus side, the freedom programme asked me what I can do now, and the list was quite pleasing, and so much of it I am already doing
Hello help me now - we've not met yet. I'm Mary - how do you do?
I'm glad you've found the Freedom Programmme so useful; what's really nice about your feedback is that you recognise how much you are capable of & are doing now. Good stuff.
There's no rush with regard to therapy or counselling. Take a breath for a few days/weeks and see how you feel. You could always have a 'chat' with our relationship expert here.
Nice to meet you!
Hi Mary, nice to meet you too x Its the small things that I can do now, that make all the difference. Been separated for just over a year, and now I can visit family when ever I want, have been to my first concert (would never have been allowed before!), meals out and days out, without constantly being checked up on. Life is good, just got to tackle those demons!!!
Ooh what concert did you go to?
Hi again help me now - you have made the first positive step by starting a thread looking for help.
Others will be along with good advice soon I am sure.
You say you are fed up feeling like this all the time - which is great that you acknowledge that something has to change - can you tell us why you don't feel able to go to the doctor?
When I went to see my doctor after my ex (who I call the idiot!) I burst into tears and sat sobbing for 10 mins before I could speak - she was great