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need advice please
after an abusive relationship, mainly emotional psychological , we sepearted.
thereafter a injunction, non mol, resdisence and contact order followed.
its now coming to the end of the injunction, itl expire soon.
also wev reached decree nisi stage and ive applied for a financial order to get property sorted.
i c him once a week when he has contact with children. i drop them off and pick them up. we were using a contact centre but as it was going well the judge/solicitors said we could move to this arrangement.
for past two weeks hes being saying hes sorry and doent want us to get divorced, he thinks we shud get together agin. says things like 'im sorry but if u think about it i didnt really do anything that bad' 'theres men out there that do worse' 'theres women who take their men back' 'look what ur doing to the children' 'look what ur doing to us' 'its not going to happen again' 'ive always been honest with you' (he hasnt!)
what should i do? the contact is due to be reveiwed again in court but i no longer have any legal aid so will be going court by myself. he has legal aid. last week he sent my head spinning when he said things like this. this week i managed to cut the conversation short, dont like discussing things in front of the children, but hes still managed to worm into my head!!
has anyone ever given their partners another chance? what happened? or did u decide to stick to seperating/divorcing ?
i just dont want to look back on any decisions i make with regret :-( especially when it comes to the kids.
Personally, I wouldn't even be thinking of it.
Imdoingthis has left a great post.
He's using the children here to set you mind spinning.
Stay strong.
Agreed. IDT, what an excellent post - good work 
chocolate81, it sounds to me as though your ex is having a 'last ditch attempt' to keep you under his control.
What IDT suggested about re-reading your post as though a friend had written it/said it to you is a brilliant way of distancing yourself from your conflicting feelings. What would you say to a friend in these circumstances?
M x
i would say 'run a mile' !!
im feeling better about it now, realised hes not really sorry for anything and hed easily repeat the same behaviour.
itd be so much easier if i didnt have kids with him, the only reason id take him back was for their sake. but i no i cant take him back- that thought is too terrifying, more so than being a single parent and raising them myself and being a little lonely
thank you for all ur advice, my head has stopped spinning (for the time being!)
Hi chocolate81, I took my ex back after 18 months, I had had non mol orders, injunctions etc out on him, but he went to court and got access, he did the contact centre and then access moved forward to unsupervised contact, although he was rarely on time, he did turn up nearly every fortnight, everything finally settled down between me and him and the worst was over.
He moved back in with us and I was over the moon my family finally back together again, however within two weeks, he had been trashed my house, bruised my face and terrified our daughter, all because of a discussion over which primary school our daughter could/would go to.
chocolate81......NEVER go backwards, you have been through all of this for a reason, to get you and your children the hell away. I do believe that a leopard can change his spots, but he needs to do a lot of work on himself first. THEN it takes for you to recognise it and come to your own conclusions rather than have him tell you. Actions speak louder than words and even if you are showered with flowers and/or affection, we have to listen to how our bodies respond, not just our heads.
Did you do the Freedom Programme? There is a lot of good information in there, especially about the effects of having an abusive father in their own home.
thank you anna, your post confirmed what ive been thinking- it would be a living nightmare if i got back with him - im sure it would.
im planning to do freedom programme soon xx
Hi again chocolate81,
Try not to leave it too long now that you have decided to undertake the Freedom programme. I've inserted a direct link to it here.
M x
thank u
" he sent my head spinning"
thats what its ment to do honey confusion is part of Dv
have a look at 'gaslighting' you may find you recognise what he's doing
all the crap he came out with is rubbish put and simple
your not doing anything to your kids you left him to get them away from being bought up in a Dv relationship so you broke the cycle so they won't todo the same when their adults.
if he's really that sorry and can recognise what he's done is wrong then he should COMPLETE an programme for perpetrators of DV
and this should be done while living apart not together.
personaly I wouldn't go back he will have to work twice as hard to regain control of you honey things will be worse putting yourself and your children in danger
Do you think that the non mol etc were put in place for Nothing?
Re read your post and pretend its a friend asking that question what would you advise her?