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Letting my son dress up as a girl when we go out.

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Hello.

I don't normally come on her and ask for advice, I much prefer to give it, sorry.

But I don't really know what to do. I mean I let him around the house when he want's to, and sometimes out, it's just that when it does come to going out somewhere, to the shops or something I tend to make excuses that skirt around but rarely actually confront my main concern which is his peers seeing him... and how their attitude towards him at school might change and affect him.

I'm not consistent, and I know that that's a problem. Sometimes I let him and sometimes I try to persuade him otherwise which is kind of complicated as I don't want to say stuff like, that's for girls, or boys can't wear that, I just say things like it doesn’t suit you or it doesn’t go and all that is complicated by the fact that he is very positive about what he wants to wear, very independent in that respect, to the point that he will often go against what ever I say anyway, just to exert his independence, like most kids.

So I get myself into complicated reverse psychology type situations with him concerning clothes. But I'm also concerned because I don't want to make it an issue, I want him to be confident and happy about who he is and not feel that he has to have a confrontation with me every time he wants to get dressed to go out, and that does happen sometimes, we go out and he's sulking and I'm feeling guilty as he plods along behind me in boys clothes he doesn't want to wear.

I have talked to him about the whole peer thing and as I think I may have mentioned here on this site he once told someone, what does it matter to you what I wear.

I was just wondering if anyone knew of any sites or groups that where about for people dealing with these sort of issues. I've tried googling but have mainly gotten sites involving god and changing your child, neither of which I wish to entertain.

If anyone has seen the beautiful Belgian film 'Ma Vie En Rose' well I want to be like the nan in that film but I'm worried in case I'm being the mum.

Just so you know in case you don't he's eight. He has told me he want's to be a girl in the past, he actually want's to look like Halle Berry in those X-Men movies. I don't know if eight is too young to be concluding his sexuality, some people tell me it's just a phase and some people give me worried looks and frown on me for letting him dress in girls clothes, but none of them have chldren like my son.

It's just that it's becoming more and more difficult for me to ignore, brush under the carpet, pretend it's not happening and burry my head in the sand so to speak... and I wanted to talk to someone who isn't going to tell me to seek gods guidance or take him to a psychiatrist. I want to know how to handle him in a way that is best for him so he can be confident and happy in whoever he want's to be.

Just to talk to people with similar issues, so I don't make any (too many) : ) mistakes.

Thanks.

Posted on: June 12, 2011 - 4:52pm
Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Or maybe I'm just worrying too much.

: )

Posted on: June 12, 2011 - 4:53pm

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

I think you're right to not to ignore it, as now he's eight, it is going to become more of an issue.

As for god's guidance...! Cool

And sadly, what ever you do will be down to peer pressure, as it will make life easier for your son.

I think that you saying that is doesn't suit you is a good way to deal with it, but perhaps he does need to accept that it does matter what he wears out of the house.

And I feel mean saying that.

It's easy for me to say it bubblegum, as the hardest thing I have to deal with is my daughter refusing to wear anything girly - but society doesn't find that hard to accept.

I don't think he needs a psychiatrist either.

xxxx

Posted on: June 12, 2011 - 5:01pm

hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi Bubblegum. I remember you saying in the past that your son has told people 'what does it matter to you what I wear'.

You've asked if 8 is too young to know his own sexuality. I can only say, from a programme that I watch, Jeremy Kyle, that he has had guests on, boys/girls, that weren't happy in the body that they were born in, and they had known from a young age. The parents will then say, they noticed it from a young age too.

Could you speak to your GP about this, without taking your son along? As for your gorgeous son, I think it's great that he knows his own mind, and doesn't give a hoot as to what others think.

I'll have a look around the website to see if I can find anything for you.

Lovely to see you here by the way. Smile

Posted on: June 12, 2011 - 5:46pm

hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi Bubblegum. Have found this  here  Hope it helps.

Posted on: June 12, 2011 - 6:38pm

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi Bubblegum

Good to see you Smile

Psychologists tell us that it is around the age of five that children begin to understand the human race's division into male and female and until then (they say) then we can ignore any dressing in the clothes of the other gender, whereas after that it is a positive choice made by the child and is therefore significant.

It is too early to tell whether your son would rather be in a female body or will enjoy cross dressing as an adult or may be gay, or any combination of these, and I know that you don't mind about this and you are asking what is best as the parent of an eight year old...although as hazeleyes rightly says, as an adult he may well remember the start of those feelings.

Having a look round the Net, there are one or two biblical quoters on the subject, although they seem to be more against women putting on men's clothes (a good way of keeping women in their place eh?) but I would suggest you have a look at the work of Sandra Bem. She felt very strongly that "gender" was something that a child's culture imposed and she kept her son and daughter cocooned from the world in order to let them develop their own identities, sadly this sort of petered out as they got older. She was more interested in gender ROLES than clothes but the same principles apply.

My best suggestion would be have a chat with your son and explain that there are certain occasions when specific clothes must be worn: school uniform, smart-ish clothes to a wedding etc (perhaps refer to people in certain jobs who need clothes for that job such as police uniform, deep sea diver outfit) but on social occasions it is Ok to wear clothes of your choice. Ask him what he thinks would happen if his choice is very different from that of other boys? and how he would feel about others questioning his decision and how he would tackle it....and if he is Ok about it and understands that there are some times he can't (such as the school uniform days) then fine. Who said what it was Ok for boys and girls to wear anyway? Think about the clothes that boys in other cultures and countries wear!

Hope this helps. The sites I can find about it so far are rather tending to degenerate into men enjoying discussing their own tendenciues rather than from a parenting point of view, but here is one that may be of interest

Posted on: June 12, 2011 - 6:58pm

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Hello.

Just got back and am reading through, thanx for the replies... I just wanted to say thanx hazeleyes, that Mermaids site looks like what I may have been looking for : )

Thanx Louise and sparkling lime too.

Louise, you chat ideas are good too... I shall wait till he's alone and quiet and see what I can get out of him : )

I shall go and read the links.

ta.

louise... you've mentioned Sandra Bem before to me I think.

thanx : )

Posted on: June 12, 2011 - 7:25pm

hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hope it helps Bubblegum.

Posted on: June 12, 2011 - 7:27pm

hazeleyes
DoppleMe

This is a group Bubblegum, that is in the Mermaid link. Not sure if you came across it yet.

Here

Posted on: June 12, 2011 - 7:41pm

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Yeah.. I just joined, awating acceptance : )

Posted on: June 12, 2011 - 8:58pm

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Louise... I read about that mum before, didn't know she'd written the book, thanx for the link.

Posted on: June 12, 2011 - 9:02pm

tiredmum
DoppleMe

Hi bubblegum, just wanted to say I have no knowledge of this as such apart from reading articles and watching documentaries.

I would though like to say how lucky your children are to have you as their dad, you are open to any possibility and want to research and find some ways of helping your son, I think thats wonderful and wish you all the luck in the world xxx

Posted on: June 12, 2011 - 10:06pm

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Thanx : )

When they are your children they are just who they are, not defined by one thing, just a whole load of things that make them them. I mean when it's other peoples children then you natraly pigin hole them in your mind, catogorise them in some way... but with your own they are a whole load of things... if you get what I mean.

My brother when he was in the sixth year was having a class and they were discussing race (he's mixed race) and what were acceptable terms to use, you know, mixed race, half cast, what ever... and the teacher asked him what do you like to be called... and he replied Clive! miss.

What I'm trying to explain is that I just love them, sometimes they do things I don't like, like mess up rooms I just cleaned, walk into my room to show me something and then just drop it on the floor and walk out, wee all over the toilet seat and around the toilet rather than in it... etc. but I still love them and they will be who they want to be. I think it's my job to help them be that.

Thanx again : )

 

Posted on: June 12, 2011 - 10:40pm

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Absolutely! I will now pigeon-hole YOU by telling you that you are a great parent!!!!

Posted on: June 13, 2011 - 7:48am

hazeleyes
DoppleMe

I think Bubblegum's amazing too. xx

Posted on: June 13, 2011 - 12:14pm

Anna
Online
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi bubblegum, just catching up with the posts. I am so glad that Hazeleyes found Mermaids for you. 

As you probably know, cross dressing is a huge bag of mixedness. Some men who chose to wear womens clothes do it cos they like it, others because they feel they are female deep down inside, others because they want to attract other men. I think the fact that your son has liked pretty clothes from a young age, says at the moment, he just likes the clothes. I think if he felt he was a girl trapped in a boys body you would know it by know, as you sound as though as a family, you speak openly.

Did you ever watch The Riches? Minnie Driver and Eddie Izzard? In it they had a young son who liked to wear hairbands and occasionally make up and I wondered if they had based this character on Eddie when he was a child. Have a look at his biog, if you scroll half way down, you can see some of his quotes that I think are quite interesting.

I have a family member who always used to dress really scruffy and joined a biker gang. He led a very unhappy 30 years, was bullied at school was constantly depressed, did loads of drugs, then got married had children, etc and only when his wife ran off with someone else did he hit rock bottom. Now he is in his 40s he has admitted to himself and to us that he likes wearing womens clothing. He always used to say when he doesn't care what he looks like when he was younger and if only he had the freedom and support to be who he wanted to be, rather than put on an act, he would have had a happier life. If your son doesn't care what his peers think of him, then nor should you. As you said, it is the person who you care about, not the body or the clothes they come in.

Your son might end up on the receiving end of hurtful comments etc, but if he is being true to himself, it is something he will have to learn to live with. 

"Wear what you want kiddo, I'll love you no matter what."

Posted on: June 14, 2011 - 11:45am

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Thanx : )

I don't know if I'm reading too much into everything, being over sensative, but thanx for all he coments and links : )

ta.

Posted on: June 14, 2011 - 11:51am

tiredmum
DoppleMe

Hi Bubblegum, no you are just being a great dad xxx

Posted on: June 14, 2011 - 12:17pm

Anna
Online
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Bubblegum, it is a tough one, you want the best for your son and you can see the difficulties he might face. But also you might be thinking of the reflection on you? I don't think you are a vain man, but I wonder if there might be a smidgen of embarrassment on your part?

I say that as my daughter is Harry Potter obsessed and when she was about 14, she wanted to wear her Harry Potter outfit to the supermarket. This was a black piece of material with yellow stitched into it, really straggly, she had a HP scarf and had drawn a scar on her forehead. I really didn't want her to go out like that as I felt hugely embarrased as 14 year old girls at her school were all wearing makeup and wouldn't be seen dead looking so uncool! Anyway I let her as it was what she wanted to do and I am so glad as otherwise I would be reinforcing to her that she has to look a certain way and right now, society is far too concerned with how people look.

I hope you get to talk to your son soon as honestly as possible and at this stage you can just let him know that 'by dressing in girls clothes in public could make life difficult for himself', but then the ball is in his court. Of course he is only 8, so you are still responsible for his decisions, however, as long as you are honest and open about all the options and pitfalls, there is little more you can do.

I hope that you find the Mermaids site supportive and please if you learn anything useful for you, please feedback to us bubblegum. Smile

Posted on: June 14, 2011 - 12:33pm

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

No embarrassment on my part, in fact I'm proud of him, when he does go out in what I would consider girlish clothing and I catch shocked glances from people, young and old, kids, adults... I feel a sense of pride because I think he's being who he wants to be, and I'm sure he's not even doing that in a conscious way as say I might as an adult, he's just doing what comes naturally to him. It's me seeing that it doesn’t fit in with what is normally accepted. All the worry of acceptance and what will people think is all on my part I'm sure.

I'm just concerned that…? It's hard to put into words because I think I'm actually going through some sort of acceptance and realisation that he's not a little boy who likes fighting and getting covered in mud, football and guns, not that I havent noticed... but then I'm not sure if it's in my mind or maybe I don't want to face the fact that he may be gay/bisexual/ transvestite, I dunno, what ever... and they are just words and he is only eight so I doubt if he has stopped to consider any of them, that's me doing that, they are all adult concepts. He's just being him and I want to help him do that.

I'm not worried about the reflection on me, except how my wife may use it to accuse me of being a bad parent, in that my CAFCAS officer or people in court may have prejudices against children cross dressing and me letting my son do so.

I have talked to him and he says he wants to be a girl, or wishes that he was a girl, he said that he thought maybe he was supposed to be the girl and his sister was supposed to be the boy. I have talked to him about the fact that some people will not understand that he wants to wear girls clothing and I talked to him as suggested above by Louise that certain clothing is required for certain situations, divers, space men etc. With the diver one he just said well they could wear a dress if they wanted to and with the space man (maybe I should start saying space person : )) one I then had to explain about pressure and the fact that space men have to wear suits to stoip their bodies expanding and bursting and all their blood boiling off into space… he just said well they could wear one under the suit if they wanted to.

So I have talked to him and in more depth that stated above.

I'm not in anyway embarrassed by it/him. I love him, he is amazing, beautiful, intelligent and joint first in the most amazing child in the world contest that I regularly hold in my head. I am vain Anna, in the sense that I like to take my children out and have people notice them/us because I think they are amazing, as they are, as I know them, as I watch them grow and develope… and hopefully people will look at them and go 'my god they are amazing… he must be too' : ) well at least I hope beautiful women do that, rich one anyway... Joking aside, if you get what I mean.

I'm JUST concerned with how people will treat him and how that will affect him and I'm looking for support in doing that correctly, or as correctly as I can what ever he is, appart from the fact that he 'is' what he 'is' anyway, I mean how he fits into what ever words people want to use to explaine and describe him... to me he's just my son and everything there in.

Maybe it is all in my head. I dunno. (But haveing just re read this spost, no I don't think it is in my head)

And Mermaids still haven't gotten back to me after my having filled out a screening questionnaire.

Thanx again for all the replies and apologies for my long rambling posts.

And! If anyone ever gets the chance to see Ma Vie En Rose… Ludwig is my son, very much… apart from the fact he hasn't told me he wants to marry any boys yet.

Posted on: June 14, 2011 - 1:32pm

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

You are amazing - as are your children.

xx

Posted on: June 14, 2011 - 1:33pm

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Thanx  : )

Unfortunatly modesty prevents me from agreeing.

At least not openly : )

Posted on: June 14, 2011 - 1:41pm

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

Smile

Posted on: June 14, 2011 - 2:26pm

JaneHope
DoppleMe

Hey Bubblegum,

Feel a bit late to give reply - think the above, and the website especially pretty much covers it.

I don't know how I'd be if S decided at 3 that he was more interested in being a girl - I haven't pushed either gender either way but every so often I catch an insight into his thinking and am pretty confident he'll grow to enjoy boys clothes(even though he thinks girls clothes are prettier and likes to wear fairy costumes:), a male role(even though he has had prams and dollies before they were 'for his sister'), sexually bi or straight(both me and his dad are open-minded). What I mean to say is, I'm really impressed with how you're handling it, it's great that you're proud of him. 

You're acceptance of him in whatever form and of his wishes will go a long way to build his character. You are doing totally right by him - that he has the courage to be as he is and speak to you as he does.

the peer pressure thing is a big thing - do you live in a city or a small town? (godforbid you live in a small village - or maybe that would be easier as everyone would get to know him and with time ignore his differences in boredom)

I spent a lot of time in the London goth scene. I knew a transexual, and a transvestite - who actually decided to give it up and gave me a huge bag of his beautiful clothes:) lucky me:) The goth scene has many gay , bisexual, and open-relationship couples. of which I encountered all unsurprisingly.

The goth scene is great because you can be as you like without fear of standard discrimination.

I was surprised to find a dad locally here who has started wearing a wig and dressing effeminently. I asked if it were going further and he hinted not but I can't say I don't think it's awkward... his wife can't be thrilled about it and it shouldn't confuse his daughter but it is providing an even more outside the box upbringing.

The transexual I knew, had a long time girlfriend and they split ultimately because she wasn't and couldn't be a lesbian.

There was a boy in the news who wore a skirt for his school uniform - claiming sexual equality - that it's a lot breezier than trousers and why should girls only be allowed this cooler item of clothing?

Back to the topic of goths, they are often spat on in the street for the way they dress, and worse...so a boy dressed as a girl isn't the only thing general public have a problem sometimes digesting.

I also knew a guy who enjoyed wearing skirts but it meant nothing more - he just truelly liked to wear skirts and I never saw him in anything else. 

lastly... watching Waterloo road recently they had this storyline on it - about a transgender boy who was barely focussing on his studies because of the turmoil he was going through wishing he was another sex... I couldn't help but think that with support and focus, get the right grades, get the right job, save up fifteen thousand or whatever it is, and pay for the op. done. Happier.

So yeah.. 8 is still a little way a way from that but encouragement of understanding friends - who are there to support and protect him if need arise. Self Defence classes although this doesn't fit with the female body image he may have they all wear the same costume, and it will provide a source of empowerment and defence if the need arises.

I'm personally really pro self-defence teaching for kids, I don't see how you can go wrong - and there's such a variety to pick from to suit individual's. (gotta wait till the kids are over 5).

But otherwise not really sure if I've helped just felt like adding my experiences of transgender really.. and maybe the world as a whole is more open to these differences and maybe you just gotta wait for stuff to happen and let your son be as he wishes - which it sounds like you're already doing a fantastic job of :)

Posted on: June 14, 2011 - 9:26pm

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Thanx : )

Funnily enough, he has just recently started Karate classes and loves them, really enthusiastic about them. His sister has dropped out which was a bit of a relief as it's six quid a session, it was costing me twenty four quid a week. The sensei is really good with them, all the children seem enthusiastic.

I found this book 'The Transgender Child, A handbook for families and Professionals' ...looks good.

You were a goth : ) (he he)

: )

We live in a small village but it's very middle class so people generally like to hide their prejudices. He's quite well known and according to his teachers liked. Some of his peers have asked me why does he wear girls clothes, have long hair... and I've said why not? or why don't you ask him. I'll be more concerned when he moves to county school, as it is he's grown up with these children and so they know him as he is and where as a few of them have made comment they are generally acceptant, but I expect that may change as they all get older, particularly if he's not confident about who he is, what I mean is if he doesn't affirm himself, keeps things inside.

Thanx for your post.

 

Posted on: June 15, 2011 - 4:26am

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

I agree that when he gets to county school that there could be things said.

Yet society is changing isn't it?  There's still two or three years before he gets there.

In my daughter's year (first year 6 now) there are two lads who have been openly gay (different to your son, I know) probably since they arrived at the school.  They have a brilliant friend base, and have not encountered problems at the school - at least none that Ss aware of.

It's right that he can - as can your daughter, and my lot, etc - can be who they need to be.

Posted on: June 15, 2011 - 8:35am

Anna
Online
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hey bubblegum, you are a proud dad and support your son with whatever he wants to do. 

My friends daughter told her mum she was a lesbian at 20 and although my friend is very open minded, it still took her a bit of time to accept it, not because of her daughters choice of sexuality but to grieve the fact that she may not have a son in law, grandchildren etc etc. She is fine now, but she was surprised that it took some time to get used to.

I recalled that because you mentioned your concern might be that your son is not fitting society's description of a boy - mud, fighting, scrapped knees etc. however you also go on to say that it is actually just your acceptance and realisation, so you are going through your own transitional period here. Again as you say its all your stuff, not your son's!

You also mention that your worries come from your ex trying to use it to manipulate the CAFCAS system and put you in a bad light. Again, your stuff, yet completely understandable after your experiences of her manipulation. If this scenario arises, it is something you will have to face, however hopefully as we are in the 21st Century and you have a good track record with your children, it would never go as far as Court, if anything CAFCAS would have a word with your son and soon see that all was well and he was a well rounded little boy.

Your son may well face discrimination for how he dresses,now and in the future, but if he has the love and support of his family and is grounded in his beliefs of who he is and where he is coming from, although it may hurt his feelings, he will deal with it well, he reads books, sees films and plays computer games, he knows the what society thinks as the norm. He will defiinitely learn empowerment within himself as he grades in karate and becomes physically strong!

From what you have said over the years, I think that it is fair to say that you have never stuck with the norm and sought out alternative lifestyles in the past and I don't think your son is that different from you!

And I am sure that if any beautiful, rich striking woman would visit your village, she would snap your whole family up in a shot!!! Laughing

Posted on: June 15, 2011 - 11:06am

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Thanx : )

It's good to be different... I sometimes say to my kids, don't be a sheep. They should be and do what they want and be confident about it.

Having said that if they were to tell me they wanted to join one of the forces or the police I would have to forget my liberal hippy ways and get all victorian.

: )

Having said that, I dunno, but I would be dissapointed : )

Posted on: June 15, 2011 - 5:24pm

hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi Bubblegum. Have you heard from Mermaids yet, about the acceptance?

Posted on: June 15, 2011 - 7:17pm

JaneHope
DoppleMe

:) thanx for laughing at me.. my defences go up and say 'but I still am!'

That's great to hear about the classes - and do understand the cost of them is their biggest drawback.

Sounds like you got most things covered just good to feel prepared with problems that may arise in future. Sorry to read about problems with ex etc and cafcas vianna - and to tell a secret to realise you were a dad and not a mum! :)

 That actually sounds like the biggest potential cause of stress in future if your son is confident of his preferred gender.

I remember in my past something about not being sheep... to which I replied 'Baa.' I always question this strong urge to be different - surely to be truelly different you have to be searching for the stereotype? anyway I've gone all tangental.

are you still doing the karate? and I'm confused as to who the fourth person is? ... oh penny just dropped - it's twice a week.

adios hippy :P

Posted on: June 15, 2011 - 9:08pm

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Yeah I heard from mermaids, not sure if it's what I'm looking for just yet, we are not that far down the road yet, if indeed that is where we are going. I'm talking, or they are about puberty blockers and testosterone treatment. But it would seem that around eight (where my son is) is when parents seems to come to the realisation that their child is different.

And! If I havent made it clear then... I have no issues with my sons sexuality what every it may be on the scale of sexuality that he choses to identify with. My concerns would be with how people are with him and how that might affect him. People with gender or sexuality identities beyond the accepted norm have a difficult time going through pubertie and their young lives, the rate of suicide is higher... that's what worries me.

And yeah me son is still doing Karate, he's made friends with a girl there and there seems to be a little bit of idolisation going on there with him, she's a little older and he follows her around the room and they always manage to pair off, so he's happy. She has incredibly long hair which he likes and so now want's his hair longe and straightened.

I thought wanting to be different was about avoiding stereotypes... if you mean different as in wanting tatooes and piercings or identifying with some youth group like punk, skater, goth or what ever, that young people choose when they want to be different, you know, conforming to a non-conformist group and all that, looking for identity, he's not like that, not yet anyway. He's just an eight year old boy with likes and disslikes just coming into an age where conforming to the norm and fitting in are becoming an issue.

He is truly unique within his peers when it comes to clothes and such... and the more I think about it and look the more I see it.

Posted on: June 16, 2011 - 5:51am

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

I Just found this (from the mermaids, support group)

: )

Posted on: June 16, 2011 - 6:33am

hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Is the support group like One Space Bubblegum, where you can go for a chat and advice? I do agree that talking about puberty blockers etc, is far too early at this stage. xx

Posted on: June 16, 2011 - 7:01am

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

It's a 'yahoo group' so you recieve posts either as they come or in a block when people post, and read them in your mail program, outlook express, outlook or web based email what ever you use : )

Posted on: June 16, 2011 - 7:09am

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Oh Bubblegum I LOVE that map and all the different cultures, have saved that in my Bookmarks!!!

Posted on: June 16, 2011 - 10:10am

Anna
Online
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

I agree Louise, thanks bubblegum for posting that, I think it is very interesting and definitely something I shall be passing on to my family member.

bubblegum, does your son have many friends? Those friends may stay with him all the way through secondary or they may change, but he won't be on his own, he will find like minded people and will be fine. 

i would say at this stage, do try not to let it worry you too much, to take up too much of your brain time. You have looked into different areas and found some useful resources, so if you felt that things escalated and you had concerns about your sons mental health you would know where to go. However at this point, your son sounds happy, bright, articulate, unique and happy within his own skin. Lets keep enjoying that and leave the worrying for a later date for when he announces he is joining the forces!

Posted on: June 16, 2011 - 4:00pm

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Thanx everyone : )

Posted on: June 16, 2011 - 4:41pm

JaneHope
DoppleMe

Think it's great you sound positive and have found mermaids with their mailing list for near instant chat.

Just clarifying on what I said earlier, perhaps needlessly... ermm. was speaking more generally - your son sounds like an amazingly truelly unique and facinating individual - don't let it go to his head! :)

I have a personal difference of opinion when it comes to being different - I have never met people who want to 'be the same' or 'have kids' or 'want to fit some stereotype'. they always want to be different so badly and yet ultimately that in itself has become a stereotypical norm - and I don't mean following some trend/fashion culture. I just mean that the desire to be different and write a book and not follow 'society's norms' is a pretty common thing to encounter.

Putting it into practise is the harder part... for me being different has come easily. fitting in is something I've always found difficult and actually strived for more fool me. something about me must attract the oddities as I know there are people out there that fit stereotypes - like pop music, wear pastels, dream of weddings and 2.4, but whenever I get near them they smell my weirdness radar and tend to like to be far away from my unpredictable nature...

Posted on: June 17, 2011 - 9:11pm

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

I never considered writing a book to be something someone would do to be different. Maybe that's a girl thing, maybe women equate someone who writes a book as being all dark and mysterious... intelligent, manly and yet sensitive.

Maybe I should start telling people I'm an author. It might work better than single parent on benefits, that just seems to attract people with mental health issues.

: )

Dawn French's dad used to tell her every day that she was beautiful, I thought that was nice and so I tell mine every day stuff like that, because I think they are, "amazingly truly unique and fascinating individual"s.

Like all children I suppose (Just not as much as mine:))

I agree that most people want to be different... and we all end up being the same as some set of people, if you get what I mean.

later and thanx for replying.

Posted on: June 17, 2011 - 9:57pm

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

I found this as well. It's a site a go to a lot I just didn't know they had a transgender subsection.

If anyone goes there and looks, people tag their posts titles with [NSFW] when they are posting something some people might find offensive, it stands for Not Safe For Work.

Posted on: June 18, 2011 - 7:45am

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Just found this : )

And this...

 

I'm posting this stuff in case anyone else comes here looking for help : )

Posted on: June 18, 2011 - 9:00am

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Thanks Bubblegum, you would be surprised to know how many people read these boards, do not want to post for whatever reason but get a lot of information and resources from the dsicussions Smile

If that is you, and you are reading this, please join in, you are very welcome.

Posted on: June 18, 2011 - 9:04am

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Yes : ) that was me for a while.

Posted on: June 18, 2011 - 9:07am

tiredmum
DoppleMe

Hi bubblegum hope you have a lovely weekend xxx

Posted on: June 18, 2011 - 9:08am

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

thanx.

Just on my way out for the day, breakfast at a cafe and then a kids party... we are just wating for my son to decide what to wear... 

: )

Posted on: June 18, 2011 - 9:44am

tiredmum
DoppleMe

enjoy :)

 

Posted on: June 18, 2011 - 9:46am

hazeleyes
DoppleMe

They are great links Bubblegum, and hopefully will help others like you say.

Enjoy your breakfast (sitting here jealous) Hope the kids have a great time at party. xx

Posted on: June 18, 2011 - 9:50am

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

Have a lovely, lovely time.

Hope the sun comes out at some point...

Posted on: June 18, 2011 - 10:10am

NanciB

Hi Bubblegum,  Besides the sites already mentioned in this thread, you might also be interested in looking at a site called "My Princess Boy."  This deals with issues around young boys who want to dress as girls, either just as a fun thing to do, or as a more serious wish to become a girl.  Besides the main site for this, there is also an entry on Facebook.

Cudos to you for being so supportive of your child.

 

Nancy

Posted on: July 15, 2011 - 6:29pm

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

Hi and thanx : )

We've settled in a bit now and he's expressing himself as he is, however that may be. We've had lots of chats, I've loosened the reigns so to speak, let him choose some clothes on ebay, let him be who he want's to be.

I think that having talked and let him talk and listened seems to have changed him in a way, he is happier more communicative, less prone to mood swings.

He went to his end of year school disco dressed very girlish, pink shorts, pink top. He went in a big leather jacket and I could sense that he was nervous... he told me his heart was beating, didn't say why but I guessed it was the whole thing of looking like a girl and where as he does generally wear feminine clothing the whole pink ensemble was rather a large leap. He told me after that he had to eventually take the jacket off as he was too hot : )

One of his teachers told him that he looked wonderful, I though that was nice. He got a couple of mildly ignorant comments from people, to which he explained that what did it matter to them.

They are all quite young and so they don't for the most part have too many prejudices, but they are getting to an age when they can see that it is not normal (in the sense of what is generally accepted) but don't yet really understand or see like they may do when they are teenagers. The fact that he is doing this now is good because as they all grow up they will already know him without seeing him and judging him first... if you get what I mean.

But everything is going well and I've got a lot from Mermaids... and I've been invited onto the school govenors board at his school so I'm in a good possition to deal with any problems that may arrise, and I've been reading a lot about trans gender kids : )

Here's a pic of him possing in one of his new pink outfits.

Posted on: July 15, 2011 - 8:21pm

Bubblegum
DoppleMe

I've asked him what do the other children say and gone through a list of names I know. For the most part his male friends don't say much, there is a couple who are somewhat... I don't want to say nasty because I don't think they are really being that but if an older child had said the same thing it would probably be construed as such. His female friends seem to think he is 'cool' is the word he used... so everything seems to be Ok at the moment : )

Posted on: July 15, 2011 - 8:26pm