Hello everyone,my name is Paul.
I live in Bury with my 3 kids.The two eldest are now adults but my daughter is 15.Not exactly tiny children I know but we face many of the problems of most families.
My wife died early this year after a short illness and since then we've really struggled to cope.I suppose like most of us I find the financial side of things the hardest but as those who have had similar experiences,you also know that other family member can and do cause problems.
I'm hoping here I can find new friends who'll be able to share support and ideas and in return I hope I can one day do the same to helps others.
Hello Paul
You are very welcome here and I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. I was reading a post you had put on another thread and see that you have been helped to some extent with counselling and anti depressants.
Everyone's grief is different but one thing I know for certain and that is that it is important to surrender yourself to that process. By that I do not mean lie in bed every day for two years but to accept that emotions can change from day to day and even from hour to hour.....and some emotions are quite shocking....for example when my Mum died I felt really angry AT HER for having abandoned me, though I am middle aged.....amd then I felt guilty for feeling that. I would honestly recommend that you embrace your emotions as this is the way to heal....and don't feel guilty when you DO start healing.
Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries can be particularly hard and I am sorry that you have had a difficult time this week. One thing that seems to help people is to commemorate their loved one in a certain way such as lighting a candle or a trip to a sepcial place and letting go of balloons or similar. It's hard to motivate yourself to do such things when you are feeling low, I understand.
It's good to reach out to people and, as Hazeleyes says on the other thread, sadly this is sometimes left up to the bereaved person which is very unfair. Do tell people how you are feeling. Also have a think about something for yourself now, your daughter is 15 and you can get involved in some non child-related hobbies, maybe with a view to meeting new friends or maybe with a view to just getting out and about a bit more. What sort of things are you interested in?
Are you still seeing the counsellor?
Hello Paul and welcome from me too, i am really sorry to hear about the loss of your wife, and such a shame that others are distancing themselves when you could use their support. You have already been given some great advice, just wanted to ask if you had specific finanical worries or if this was just an area that your wife may have taken care off and your now finding your way around?
If you do need some advice you can contact our Money Expert look forward to hearing more from you
Hi Paulw. Welcome along. I am sorry to hear about your wife. You all must be going through a dreadful time. Have any of you received counselling? How are the chlldren coping, as well as you of course? Do you not have any support then from family members, or is it just some that are causing problems? I understand completely on that one, as members of my own family caused me all sorts of hassle, and I no longer have any contact, neither do I wish too.
Please keep posting, as you'll get lots of support on here.