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so, ive been unwell for over a week now, typical flu.
Iv'e been extremely stressed, trying my best to do work, look after my child and do the normal day to day things.
I probably am feeling sorry for myself, but im just finding it really difficult. I feel as if i need time to recouperate, but i CANT because i dont have any he;p on hand like that.
I know this should probably just 'fly over my head', but my sons dad came to visit when i was ill, ...... and yes ..... he's the perfect dad, playing with his son (he plays great with him - never used to, this is a recent change in behaviour), yet does not help out with responsability at all. Generally, i leave this go as i cannot control him and make him take his responsability of looking after/raising our child, but he plays and then leaves me to it for the week. (this always happens anyway) But, when im feeling unwell and this happens, i feel as if i could scream and shout.
I just want to get better and feel on top form again, and beable to let the things my sons dad does (or doesnt do in this case) fly over my head.
:(
Hi pink lilly sorry to hear you have been unwell, PQ has already asked if there are others that could look after your son for abit, i know from when i have been ill, especially when mine were little that it was not always having the kids looked after it was having someone to help/support with all the other stuff like cooking or getting some shopping etc that i found to be of more help.
Do you have any friends that could come over and help you out?
Something else that i had to learn to do was cut myself some slack, if you need the rest then you may need to compromise on the expectations that you have of yourself by that i mean that will it really matter if somethings don't get done?, i remember a time that i had really bad flu (the could not get out of bed kind) and i did not clean my house for nearly three weeks
, this was because i felt so ill that i had to prioritise to just doing the things that i really had to do, like making sure the kids ate and got to school.
Big hug coming your way.
Hugs.
Am I reading correctly that your ex comes to your house, stays in your house plays with his son and you leave your house and go out for that time...
Woah. That is far more than I would ever do.
So that means that your house is never your house where you can relax, recover from being ill where the dishes take a back step so you can consentrate on the important things like you and your son. Then when you have more energy the house, dishes etc become normal again.
That adds a huge amount of stress and doesn't help with you getting better if you are having to pretend to be on top of everything.
My house is a tip at the moment. I have a cold and only so much energy. I am going to bed at the same time as the kids rather than catch up on house work. I can relax because the kids are great and they understand that I can either do the house work or spend time with them, they help me where they can as well and they are only young. Funnily enough they chose the play time rather than a perfect house. And I don't have the feeling of anyone coming over to judge me.
When is he next coming? Tell him this time you need him to take his son out for his few hours. See how that goes.
Hi,
ive had family bring food to our house this week which has been useful and helpful (Havent had energy or time to do shopping myself).
In terms of my son going out with his dad, or the dad taking responsability, this has never happened before, so its a big jump for me. He very feeble and to be honest, i dont think ghes 'up to the job'at the moment, which is why hes never asked to do that (take A to the park/beach/do a bit of shopping etc). If he doesnt want to do that as a parent, im not going to make him, but this does get to me - i guess i got to let it go and accept that i wont have help from him like i want.
In terms of working parents (the parent away from the child) - how much time is it assumed to be normal for them to see the child/to have the child over their home/take them out etc? Just out of curiosity, whats the opinions on this?
Hello pink lilly and I am sorry you have been poorly, I can remember having chicken pox when my boy was 3, what a nightmare.
When you are feeling under the weather then anything that is normally annoying will become VERY ANNOYING. Hence how you are feeling.
As for parenting time, when children are your son's age then overnight stays do not always happen, especially if the parent has not had one to one care opf the child thus far. I would have thought having your son for the day on a Saturday or a Sunday would be the norm (something like 10 till 4) and possibly taking him out for an hour at teatime one midweek day. I know that is a far cry from what happens now but that is just a yardstick. When we have talked about this before we suggested building up gradually.
Do ask your family for more help though, it is only for a week or two, wishing you better very, very soon
I think when you are feeling that you need a break from your son you should ask the family that brought in the food to lend a hand.
Mine are older, so I have not needed people to take care of them, but I know all those people that did my cooking and cleaning and ironing while I was having chemo would have looked after my lot were they still little. :-)
Maybe you need to let go a bit more? I know staying in control seems to be sooo important (I hate it if I'm not), but it's better your children have a refreshed mum. :-)
yeh 'hopeful', absolutely true :) youre spot on, thank you :) :)
Good morning pink lilly, how are you feeling today? Hopefully you had a restful weekend and you are over the worst?
Hi, yes i decided to try not to do too much over the weekend as i wanted to feel better this week, i think im over the worst now, still feel a bit funny though.
I feel im handling things a bit better too :) so glad im on the road to recovery, its opened my eyes as to exactly how hard parenting can be, ive never been this ill before with having to look after my child.
Glad you're feeling better pink lilly. I worry about being ill, I'm not good at asking for or accepting help, whenever I feel run down I'm straight on the berocca!
Glad to hear your on the road to recovery pink lilly though probably may still need to take it easy for abit if your still feeling slightly funny 
Hi Pink Lilly,
So sorry you're not well. Everything is much harder to deal with when we are not ourselves. I know when I'm ill all I want is to be cared for, so when I have to get on with things I can get quite resentful.
How old is your son? Is there no one who could take him for you? Even if it was for a couple of hours? A neighbour, someone from school, family? Could his dad not take him out?
I hope you feel better soon.