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Am single again... Spoke to him on the phone, he asked if i missed him and i said no and it went downhill from there.. I am a stubborn person, annoying and do things to annoy him and to test him and he could see just recently it was going nowhere but was wishing to talk about some things in the hope he could hold on to me.. Hes posted his single status on his facebook page but thankfully refrained from dissing me (for now).. He fired alot of other things at me too which i expected. I had texted my friend to say i was on the phone to him and she came round, knocked on the door and made me end the call to him as i was close to tears.. The call ended with me saying 'i have someone at the door (at 11.15pm, which he didn't believe) and i have to go now'..
I just need to get my key back and return his key and stuff that he left here..
Feel naff and very tired.. Hoping i can sleep now xx
O midgeymoo big hug xx
Well done you midgeymoo for speaking to him rather than going with a letter that must of took alot of courage. Glad you had your friend there to support you. How are you this morning?
Dear midgeymoo, how are you today? I hope that you feel that a weight has been lifted rather than mulling over all the things that you could have/should have said or done differently.
From this persons behaviour that you described from the beginnning I think his response was as expected, although of course it still hurts.
I am so glad your friend came round, do you remember we were saying keep it brief, don't enter into conversation, don't apologise and be firm, this is the reason why, because it is a sad time and we don't need to prolong it for anyone and you don't need to beat yourself up for him not being the right person for you.
I would really like you to consider doing our online Freedom Programme. I think it would really open your eyes to some of the behaviours that abusers display. Also read our article This is Abuse. Not only for yourself, but hopefully to pass on to your boys as they get older.
I think that you are a bright, articulate woman who happens to fall (or be approached) by the wrong guys for you. Now is the perfect time to learn more about yourself, build your confidence and start afresh. You have your home, you have your boys and you have your parents. Please give midgeymoo a year to grow and shine 
How are you today Midgeymoo? You must feel very hurt, sad, and I am sorry you have to go through this as you still love him, Anna is right that he did have abuser and controlling traits and that maybe it is a good thing to do the Freedom Programme so you can recognise it straight from the very beginning. Big hug to you and I hope your friend comes around today
I recognised a pattern emerging too :-( I'm so glad that i 'felt' something wasn't right and i'm glad i trusted my instinct earlier on.. I do seem to fall for these type of guys and i do need to learn about myself and why i am drawn to these people.. I've purchased a book called 'the single trap' to read thorough and i will do the Freedom Programme as i don't wish to allow myself to be drawn to these kind of men in the future..
Thank you all for listening (again 
) and for offering your thoughts' opinions and support, i really do appreciate it and it really helps to talk it all through..
I feel sort of happy and sad today, happpy that i've given myself a chance to be happy and sad that i didn't give myself time to heal from my previous relationship.. I have that chance again now and i'll be making the most of it..
Thanks again.. 
xxx
You have done so well Midgeymoo xx
Hooray midgeymoo, I am happy that you have given yourself a chance to be happy again but also happy that you recognise that you didn't give yourself a chance to heal, so don't beat yourself up, give yourself a high five for recognising it and knowing that you are free to live your life exactly how you wish from here on in.
I have been talking recently with a woman called Teresa who is a Dating Guru! She has read this thread and had some comments to make. She is incredibly busy at the moment, but hopefully will be talking to people in the forums soon, anyway here is what she said:
Ever since my divorce i've gone from one relationship to the next be it long term or short term.. I realise that part of this was feeling lonely and wanting intimacy alongside feeling afraid of being alone.. I sat down this weekend and made a long list of things i'd really like to do jist me on my own.. And another one of things i'd love to do with my boys/family/friends.. Im working my way through the book purchased called 'the single trap' and learning quite a bit about myself, ex partners, my parents etc.. Though i felt a bit anxious and had a few mini panic attacks thks weekend, i got out of the house and spent time alone.. Saturday i tidied my garden, popped to the shops, had a nice long soak in the bath and made myself chilli and rice for tea beflre sitting down with a glass of wine and a movie.. Today, i went out for a run first thing, breakfasted back home in bed, then headed out for the day for a walk, a picnic and a trip to town where i sat watching a concert band in the park, before coming home and joining a friend for a drink before my boys arrived back home from my dads along with my parents. I ended my eve with a meal with my parents that i cooked from scratch and that we all enjoyed.. Roll on singledom! If and when the right guy comes along, then i'll know of its right and be so much more ready to enjoy it B-) xx
o wow midgeymoo I am so impressed as to how you are dealing with this, so well done, I am so glad you are treating yourself and enjoying your family xx
What a lovely weekend midge, sounded lovely Its not always easy keeping positive, in the early days of singledom, but keep fighting through it as I believe it is really worth it.
We are in control of our lives, noone else.
I was talking to a friend at the weekend and she said she doesn't believe in 'happily ever after' and I had to disagree, as long as we are looking after ourselves, doing the things we want to do, listening to ourselves and in control of our feelings, we CAN have happily ever after and that can even mean without a partner!!
Years ago I decided to abstain from any male involvement to entirely focus on me, it was my decision and it was great! It actually went on for a year and a half, I met quite a few suitable men during that time, but really loved the fact that I had already chosen to abstain, so rather than break my own rules, I just told them No!!
Would you like to share your list with us, so when things get difficult or you are questioning stuff, we can repeat it back to you?
Have had a few up and down days, one minute i feel ok and then i feel quite down.. Anyways, i'm sure it will get easier.. though its not helping that my now ex BF is asking why i ended the relationship. He wishes to know because he just doesn't understand why and because he wishes to not make the same mistakes in future relationships.. I'm not so sure that telling him would be helpful or wise with regards to him.. If i tell him how i felt surely this only serves to cause him to feel more pain? either that, or he will hear what he wishes to hear and pass blame back to me/deny that he ever behaves or makes anyone feel that way..
So, to my list of things to do and try, well, it has things such as... A spa evening (tis my birthday this thursday and my parents have granted me this wish ), cyclocross, running, yoga, cycling break/walking break, festivals and music days, go karting, body zorbing, a nice long relaxing bath and a bit of self pampering, visiting National Trust properties (boys and i are members), going out for a cuppa or drink with a friends or friends, cinema, theatre, movie on Netflix of my choice, Go Ape (climbing through the trees), a coach trip somewhere, visiting local coastline towns, learning to swim properly, a leaisure learning class at the local college, an art/drawing day, going to a zumba class or salsa class, tending to my garden, having as much fun as possible! .. I've been invited out with friends this weekend to celebrete my birthday, the school hols kick off tomorrow, i'm off to a music day first weekend in August and my boys are taking a break with their dad for 6 days the week after.. I intend to make the most of it and to pop a smile on my face xx
Wow thats quite an extensive list midgeymoo, sounds like you are going to be real busy giving all that a whirl, Happy Birthday for Thursday hope you enjoy the weekend with your friends.
Have you decided how you are going to manage the situation with your ex, did you not give him your reasons for spliting at the time?
Thanks for the birthday wishes..
I'm not sure how to handle the ex at the mo with regards to explanation.. At the time i said that i had decided that he was not the right guy for me and that things didn't feel right.. I didn't wish to reel off all the reasons as i felt it was all so very negative and at the time i couldnt think how to put a positive spin on any of it. If i'd have told him it would have hurt him more than he was, even though he said it wasn't hurting him.. He was angry and in pain and all the negatives he thought about me flooded out of him, so i obviously wasn't the one for either. Either that or he hoped he could change me.. and therefore i was ending it. I accepted him for who he is and i expected the same.. I recognized at the start he liked me an awful lot which is very flattering, though i did tell him i wanted to take things slowly and get to know him, he agreed but it didn't turn out that way and i felt smothered and a bit trapped.. As things happened, i spoke out at the time, eg, him 'parenting' my boys, feeling down about being put down over my cooking and so on.. At the time he listened, but he couldnt help but continue to do the same thing.. Does that make sense? When he mentioned things to me i thought them through and made changes to a point where i wasnt compromising myself or my values.. But it came to a point where i ended up feeling like i had to change and i didnt want to hence ending the relationship.. So how does one tell him all of this without causing further hurt and pain, how does one pit a positive or helpful twist on it all so that he feels hes learnt from it? Who knows?? Xx
Hi midge, there will be down days, but these do become less frequent, the more we focus on doing all the things that we want and creating entertainment and fulfilment for ourselves, we are soon able to leave the past behind us. I think your list is really exciting.
When I left my ex I wrote a list of all the things I 'wished' I could do, by the next year I had actually achieved them all! They even included a trip to Ibiza, a new sofa and a dinner party, all of which I thought were well out of my league, but they happened!!
I really feel that your ex is asking you to explain yourself is a continuing form of contact and harassment. You summed it up really well when you said in your earlier post that if you do explain:
'he will hear what he wishes to hear and pass blame back to me/deny that he ever behaves or makes anyone feel that way..'
Firstly you do not need to explain yourself, if someone says that they don't to be with you, you respect their decision. Secondly all relationships are different, so what didn't work for you, might be absolutely fine for the next woman. Thirdly, you have actually already told him, in discussions whilst you were together, over the phone when you tried to explain your position and also in a letter.
So may i suggest that you let him know that you have said all you can say on the matter, but ultimately you have realised that you want/need some time on your own. No-one can argue with that. If he wants to continue the conversation, remember just repeat repeat repeat, you don't have to answer his questions, consider his queries or play into his ongoing just say 'I'm sorry but this is how it is, I just want to be on my own'
I think the less contact you have with him, the better you will feel. Big hugs, I think you are doing soooo well.
Happy Birthday for yesterday midgeymoo!
Did you have a lovely day?
How are the resolutions going? Still able to pop that smile on?
Hello.. Its been a little while, i'm doing fine, i had a few weeks of feeling a bit sorry for myself.. But i've been keeping myself busy by going out with my friends, days out with my boys and my parents, working etc.. And i had a lovely birthday too, and you know what.. I'm on the up now.. I've been working on me, looking after myself and learning more about myself and what makes me tick.. The only thing thats bothering me is my recent ex BF.. Hes texted a couple of messages in the last few days..
"Trying to forget someone you love, is like trying to remember someone you never knew.."
"You see her when you fall asleep....never to touch never to keep..coz you loved her to much.. and you dived to deep...............Im sorry im trying to put you behind me. First two weeks spose i was a bit numb didnt cry until last sat. Further on it goes the more acute its been getting. Been trying really hard not to do this (i dont want to make it harder on you). Wish you could just let me know why/what changed as all differant senarios go through my head.
Not trying to win/get you back ..i know when im flogging a dead horse.......Its just all the nice loving things you said about how you felt about me makes it harder. And i will never forget how i/we felt in the pub after the theatre it was like we were in a bubble and the rest of the world was outside ......Dont get me wrong i know we had some issues that needed working through but those issue will be there with anyone (at least i think so).......whether you reply to this or not i promise not to pester you with more mails ......
Have i been that awful??If you ignore me what will you do if we bump into each other? Im not trying to upset you. Wouldnt it be better to be able to speak? You have not unfriended me on Facebook so im very confused. x"
Its got to me as in i feel angry.. He wishes to know why i ended our short relationship.. If i tell him i only see it causing him more pain or him denying any part in how i felt about things, which doesnt bother me either way.. Im not ignoring him, but i have been ignoring these messages.. If he wishes to know i can tell him and he can form his own opinion of how he behaved, or didnt behave, it means no difference to me what he thinks any longer and will be up to him to mull around and deal with hos feelings.. Me.. I'm moving on, in fact i feel i already have..
So do i respond and any opionions on what i should or shouldnt say? Or shall i jist spell it out to him and then leave it be? xxx
Hi midgeymoo
I would not respond, sounds like he is still trying to trifle with your emotions in the hope that you will respond and absolve him of any wrong doing.
Hi midgeymoo, it sounds as though you are doing a really good job on looking after yourself and putting yourself first, hurrah 
I agree with Sally his messages are trying to draw you back in and I think it is brilliant that you haven't responded. You have already explained yourself so you don't need to go back over it, I don't believe that he is truly hurt anyway, his language doesn't sound right, I think he is just trying it on.
If it were me I think I would respond though, I like to take control of these sort of situations! I would say something like I have nothing more to say about our short relationship, I have unfriended you on Facebook and I now request that you no longer send me texts.
If he sends another text back it will probably be a horrible one, but it is only then that he will show his true colours.
So the choice is yours! You know yourself best, what do you think?
To me Sally and Anna are right, it is to suck you back in. I would unfriend him on Facebook as I would not want him to know all what I am up to. You have told him in different ways the why, he was not good to you, your kids, your friends, or your family. Read this thread again as if it was your friend, and you will know what is best. Personally I would block him on my phone as well so you don't get his messages anymore, nor can he ring you.
I am glad you are really taking good care of yourself xx
Part of me wishes to say something, part of me doesnt.. If i say anything it will be something like.. "In the short time we were together, i meant the words i said at the time i spoke them.. as time went along though, i felt more unhappy than i did happy, i was not being true to myself, and i realised not only that i really wasnt ready for a relationship of any kind.. But also that you were not the guy for me.."
"Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting.. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, or to make you feel better for a little while.. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"
Though it would allow me to express my own feelings and give me closure without causing any firther pain to either he or i... I guess, it will mean nothing to him.. But frankly i dont really care xxx
The key to happiness is to not care : )
Unfortunatly we sometimes have to care about stuff : (
Stay strong xx
I think your words are lovely midgeymoo, so heartfelt and I also think your very last paragraph says it all,those words give you the chance to express your feelings and they give you closure, but you don't think it will mean anything to him.
I have found that sometimes I have to protect myself from further onslaught by being direct and assertive rather than open and honest about what I feel.
I love your last sentence, it really sounds as though you have turned a corner, hurrah!!
How are your boys?
I sent this to him this morning...Sorry if you feel I'm ignoring you.. I meant the words i said at the time i spoke them, it's how i felt at the time... Over the last month of our relationship though, i felt more unhappy than i did happy, and confused too... I felt I wanted different things to you than I'd first thought, and things just didn't feel right for me anymore... and I realised that you were not the guy for me, and that I was not being true to myself... After chatting to my counsellor I also came to realise that I wasn't ready for a relationship of any kind.. I had/have not given myself time to just be alone to learn about, like/love myself, or given myself the time to reflect and understand what part I played in past relationships (where I made mistakes/went wrong)... Please don't think I didn't care about you, I did.. I felt love for you, but I came to realise I wasn't in love.. I felt the need to be truthful with both you and myself and end the relationship rather than remain in it for all the wrong reasons... I'm not sure if that helps you to understand any better... but hand on my heart I didn't set out to hurt you and cause pain...
Along with the other bit i wrote in my last post... And i recieve the following back...Thank you so much for replying and it has helped me. Im not sure if you wanted different things to me, i feel you/we failed to communicate (but as you know you don't find it easy to talk) so how would we know. Besides i am so laid back i would have been happy to take your route. I think one day you will realize what i had to offer you was special and hard to find. Never the less i appreciate your honesty and understand your need to ''find yourself''.. I am sad because i was so proud to be with you. I never thought for one minute you hurt me on purpose (in some ways it would be easier if you had). Anyway thanks again for the reply i will deal with my emotions don't worry.....x
Sorry to say it, but I laughed out loud.. Is that wrong of me.. I just feel that my instincts were right and i kinda feel a little bit proud of myself for ending what wasn't right and moving on..
My boys are ok thank you, they're with their dad till weds next week so i'm lucky to have some precious me time.. I've been out to the theatre this afternoon and i've planned a few other little trips over the weekend.. Actually, I feel good, better than i've felt in a long time :-) xxx
Glad you feel better, midgymoo, those messages were really intense and a bit unsetting in my eyes. Look after you now and learn to enjoy the single life for a while and gather your strength
Yes, i see what you are saying.. I know its going to hurt him regardless.. But i need to do whats right for me and whats right for me isn't whats right for him. How he chooses to react is up to him. I can't just keep doing whats making him happy when its making me unhappy.. best to end it being honest with myself xx